Warrior of Light

DEW

2012-01-08T07:37:00.000-08:00

I just bought Arisan 2! soundtrack
My thought about this album? Well let me quote Banana Yoshimoto: "It's so gorgeous, it's almost feel like sadness"
This is a very short story inspired by the song(s) in it and also a crappy kind of review.

BEGIN!
The first captivating song is Underwater Zen by Bemby Gusti.
The beginning of the song puts me in some kind of "placid moment".
And then the music begin to get faster and I begin to see a picture of this.

I'm not alone though.Ada kamu disana.
We're holding hand underwater, I can see your smile behind that snorkling mask.
I can feel the exact definition of freedom.
Aku bebas, kamu bebas.Bebas dari realita, di bawah sana cuma ada aku, ada kamu, tidak ada ada tamparan-tamparan realita.
Waktu berhenti.Hanya aku, kamu dan kebebasan.
And the song play, on and on, and on.
"In fair solitude..where life goes for two.
the moonlight can bear, this sullen affair.
Though calm is the tide, racing to please us.
The canvas of time that frames the serenity of life that I know so well.
And with you I can tell..Telling me sail through the stream side,
this zen of mine..it goes out for you.
Let the flow finds the truth, the truth that it seesm to fill us the comfort of love"

Until we rise up to the surface, reaching the sun..see each other and smile, and then I hug you..like I've never before.
And then we walk back to our cottage, sleep because we are so tired after an all day swimming and playing in the ocean.
The next morning when I woke up a different song is on.
DEW by Santamonica feat Dimas Widiarto
You're still sleeping by the time I wake up but a moment later you wake up because I move my arms.Our door is open and I can see the blue ocean from our room.

"I wanna relish the moment, wehen we're lying in our bed.
Smoking watched the sun rising and inhaling each other's scents
Open the windows and let the breeze touch our skin..
Open your eyes
Let's make it worth waiting"

We wake up and have a set of american breakfast, we sit in the outdoor area of the cottage.Looking towards the ocean, embracing the breeze.

But then, an earthquake happens, a tremendous one and I fell of off my chair..but the distance between the chair and the ground seems very very far.. I keep on falling and falling and falling and then I reach the ground..and wake up.

I've been dreaming all along.We're not in an island, we were, but it was a long time ago.Not now.
I'm in reality again.
Di Jakarta lagi.
Sendiri lagi.
Terjebak rutinitas.
Radio mobilku sayup sayup melantunkan Dusk Lounge.

"The voice inside my head lingers with fright.
The landscape of your mind is a scary place to be.
But you don't know that, for you are unable to see.
I have nothing else to give to you dear.
All I have is sympathy and fear"

"How can I reach you my love?"

Dan hujan perlahan lahan turun, membahasi jalanan Sudirman yang padat akan kendaraan.
Titik titik hujan bercampur dengan cahaya lampu dari beratus ratus kendaraan.
Seakan diejek oleh realita, aku menangis, entah kenapa.
Menutup mata.Menghiraukan klakson yang bersahut-sahutan
END!

Like every ending of a short movie that I always made in my head everytime I contemplate and listen to my iPod.It always end with a credit song.
The credit song, Oh Jakarta by Rasmondo Gascoro.
"Oh inilah...Jakarta..
Jatuh cinta..di Jakarta..
Selalu ada kejutannya..

Oh inilah Jakarta..
Putus cinta di Jakarta..
Tak pernah jelas kelanjutannya

Oh ini Jakarta..

Mereka tertawa dengan botol sampanye di tangannya
Gelas merekapun beradu
dan muncullah dentingan merdu..

Mereka pesta dan berdansa
seolah tak ada apa apa
ada banyak cara..untuk menutupinya"

Craving for good local music? go buy Arisan 2! soundtrack and enjoy your own movie in your head.

Surat yang Tak Pernah Sampai

2011-12-24T05:38:00.000-08:00

Surat yang Tak Pernah Sampai adalah prosa yang paling saya sukai di buku Filosofi Kopi nya Dewi Lestari.
Dee has manage to make me feel choked by sadness everytime I read this one beautiful piece.
I wonder if others who read this also feel choked by sadness when reading this.I wonder if their eyes got all teary when reading this.Or is it just me?

Substansi dari prosa ini adalah hal yang merangkum semua hal yang saya ingin katakan tetapi karena terbatasnya kata-kata dan sempitnya imajinasi saya atau mungkin karena rasa yang terlalu besar saya tidak akan pernah mampu menulis prosa seperti ini.
But here comes Dee, she manages to wrote this, as if she's reading into people's life, and dug out their sad tragic love story and turn it into a letter.Here's : Surat yang Tak Pernah Sampai (Yang sekarang tersampaikan)

Suratmu itu tidak akan pernah terkirim, karena sebenarnya kamu hanya ingin berbicara pada dirimu sendiri. Kamu ingin berdiskusi dengan angin, dengan wangi sebelas tangkai sedap malam yang kamun beli dari tukang bunga yang berwajah memelas, dengan nyamuk-nyamuk yang cari makan, dengan malam, dengan detik jam.. tentang dia.

Dia yang tidak pernah kamu mengerti. Dia, racun yang membunuhmu perlahan. Dia, yang kamu reka dan kamu cipta.

Sebelah darimu menginginkan agar dia datang, membencimu hingga muak dia mendekati gila, menertawakan segala kebodohannya, kekhilafannya untuk sampai jatuh hati padamu, menyesalkan magis yang hadir naluriah setiap kali kalian berjumpa. Akan kamu kirimkan lagi tiket bioskop, bon restoran, semua tulisannya- dari mulai nota sebaris sampai doa berbait-bait. Dan beceklah pipinya karena geli, karena asap dan abu dari benda benda yang ia hanguskan-bukti-bukti bahwa kalian pernah saling tergila-gila-berterbangan masuk ke matanya. Semoga Ia pergi dan tak pernah menoleh lagi. Hidupmu, hidupnya, pasti akan lebih mudah.

Tapi, sebelah darimu menginginkan agar dia datang, menjemputmu, mengamini kalian, untuk kesekian kali, jatuh hati lagi, segila-gilanya, sampai batas gila dan waras pupus dalam kesadaran murni akan cinta. Kemudian mendamparkan dirlah kalian di sebuah alam tak dikenal untuk membaca ulang semua kalimat, mengenang setiap inci perjalanan, perjuangan dan ketabahan hati. Betapa sebelah darimu percaya bahwa setetes airmata pun akan terhitung, tak ada yang mengalir mubazir, segalanya pasti akan bermuara di satu samudera tak terbatas, lautan merdeka yang bersanding sejajar dengan cakrawala..dan itulah tujuan kalian.

……………………
kalau saja hidup tidak berevolusi, kalau saja sebuah momen dapat selamanya menjadi fosil tanpa terganggu, kalau saja kekuatan kosmik mampu stagnan di satu titik. maka tanpa ragu kamu akan memilih satu detik bersamanya untuk diabadikan. cukup satu.
satu detik yang segenap keberadaannya dipersembahkan untuk bersamamu, dan bukan dengan ribuan hal lain yang menanti untuk dilirik pada detik berikutnya. betapa kamu rela membatu untuk itu.

tapi, hidup ini cair. semesta ini bergerak. realitas berubah. seluruh simpul dari kesadaran kita berkembang mekar.
hidup akan mengikis apa saja yang memilih diam, memaksa kita untuk mengikuti arus agungnya yang jujur tetapi penuh rahasia. kamu, tidak terkecuali.
……………………

Kamu takut karena ingin jujur. Dan kejujuran menyudutkanmu untuk mengakui kamu mulai ragu.

Dialah bagian terbesar dalam hidupmu, tapi kamu cemas. Kata 'sejarah' mulai menggantung hati-hati di atas sana. Sejarah kalian. Konsep itu menakutkan sekali.

Sejarah memeiliki tampuk istimewat dalam hidup manusia, tapi tidak lagi melekat utuh pada realitas. Sejarah seperti awan yang tampak padat berisi tapi ketika disentuh menjadi embun yang rapuh.
……………………

Skenario perjalanan kalian mengharuskanmu untuk sering menyejarahkannya, merekamnya, lalu memainkannya ulang di kepalamu sebagai Sang Kekasih Impian, Sang Tujuan, Sang Inspirasi bagi segala mahakarya yang termuntahkan kedunia. Sementara dalam setiap detik yang berjalan, kalian seperti musafir yang tersesat di padang. Berjalan dengan kompas masing-masing tanpa ada usaha saling mencocokan. Sesekali kalian bertemu, berusaha saling toleransi atas nama cinta dan perjuangan yang Tidak Boleh Sia-Sia. Kamu sudah membayar mahal untuk perjalanan ini. Kamu pertaruhkan segalanya demi apa yang kamu rasa benar. Dan mencintainya menjadi kebenaran tertinggimu.

Lama baru kamu menyadari bahwa Pengalaman merupakan bagian tak terpisahkan dari hubungan yang diikat oleh seutas perasaan mutual.

Lama bagi kamu untuk berani menoleh kebelakang, menghitung, berapa banyakkah pengalaman nyata yang kalian alami bersama?

Sebuah hubungan yang dibiarkan tumbuh tanpa keteraturan akan menjadi hantu yang tidak menjejak bumi, dan alasan cinta yang tadinnya diagungkan bisa berubah menjadi utang moral, investasi waktu, perasaan serta perdagangan kalkulatif antara dua pihak.

Cinta butuh dipelihara. Bahwa di dalam sepak terjangnya yang serba mengejutkan, cinta ternyata masih butuh mekanisme agar mampu bertahan.

Cinta jangan selalu ditempatkan sebagai iming-iming besar, atau seperti ranjau yang tahu-tahu meledakkananmu---entah kapan dan kenapa. Cinta yang sudah dipilih sebaiknya diikutkan di setiap langkah kaki, merekatkan jemari, dan berjalanlah kalian bergandengan... karena cinta adalah mengalami.

Cinta tidak hanya pikiran dan kenangan. Lebih besar, cinta adalah dia dan kamu. Interaksi. Perkembangan dua manusia yang terpantau agar tetap harmonis. Karena cinta pun hidup dan bukan cuma maskot untuk disembah sujud.

Kamu ingin berhenti memencet tombol tunda. Kamu ingin berhenti menyumbat denyut alami hidup dan membiarkannya bergulir tanpa beban.

Dan kamu tahu, itulah yang tidak bisa dia berikan kini.
………………………………………………..

Hingga akhirnya..

………………………………………………..

Di meja itu, kamu dikelilingin tulisan tangannya yang tersisa (kamu baru sadar betapa tidak adilnya ini semua. Kenapa kamu yang kebagian tugas dokumentasi dan arsip, sehingga cuma kamulah yang tersiksa?)

Jangan heran kalau kamu menangis sejadi-jadinya.

Dia, yang tidak pernah menyimpan gambar rupamu, pasti tidak tahu apa rasanya menatap lekat-lekat satu sosok, membayangkan rasa sentuh dari helai rambut yang polos tanpa busa pengeras, rasa hangat uap tubuh yang kamu hafal betul temperaturnya.

Dan kamu hanya bisa berbagi kesedihan itu, ketidakrelaan itu, kelemahan itu, dengan wangi bunga yang melangu, dengan nyamuk-nyamuk yang putus asa, dengan malam yang pasrah digusur pagi, dengan detik jam dinding yang gagu karena habis daya.

Sampai pada halaman kedua suratmu, kamu yakin dia akan paham, atau setidaknya setengah memahami, berapa sulitnya perpisahan yang dilakukan sendirian.Tiak ada sepasang mata lain yang mampu meyakinkanmu bahwa ini memanhg sudah usai. Tidak ada kata, peluk, cium, atau langkah kaki beranjak pergi, yang mampu menjadi penanda dramatis bahwa sebuah akhir telah diputuskan bersama.Atau sebaliknya, tidak ada sergahan yang membuatmu berubah pikiran, tidak ada kata 'jangan' yang mungkin apabila diucapkan dan ditindakkan dengan tepat, akan membuatmu menghambur kembali dan tak mau pergi lagi.

Kamu pun tersadar, itulah perpisahan paling sepi yang pernah kamu alami.

Ketika surat itu tiba di titiknya yang terakhir, masih akan ada sejumput kamu yang bertengger tak mau pergi dari perbatasan usai dan tidak usai. Bagian dari dirmu yang merasa paling bertanggung jawab atas semua yang sudah kalian bayarkan bersama demi mengalami perjalanan hati sedahsyat itu. Dirimu yang mini, tapi keras kepala, memilih untuk tidak ikut pegi bersama yang lain, menetap untuk terus menemani sejarah. Dan karena waktu semakin larut, tenagamu pun sudah menyurut, maka kamu akan membiarkan si kecil itu bertahan semaunya.

Mungkin, suatu saat, apabila sekelumit dirimu itu mulai kesepian dan bosan, ia akan berteriak-teriak ingin pulang. Dan kamu akan menjemputnya, lalu membiarkan sejarah membentengi dirinya dengan tembok tebal yang tak lagi bisa ditembus. Atau mungkin, ketika sebuah keajaiban mampu menguak kekeruhan ini, jadilah ia semacam mercusuar, kompas, Bintang Selatan... yang menunjukkan jalan pulang bagi hatimu untuk, akhirnya menemuiku.

Aku, yang merasakan apa yang kau rasakan . Yang mendamba mengalami. Aku, yang telah menuliskan surat-surat cinta padamu. Surat-surat yang tak pernah sampai.

Dee, you are a genius.I don't know how many times I've read this and I still feel like being punched in the joint.

Referensi:
Dewi Lestari.Filosofi Kopi."Surat yang tak pernah sampai".2006

Outer capitalism.Inner Socialism

2011-12-21T08:43:00.000-08:00

When you're majoring in International Relations, you're often being put in a situation when you've to decide are you the "Right" Force or are you the "Left" Force.In your 3rd semester you'll often heard this: Yes, I take this region because you know, their ideology represents what lies inside me, a revolutionary spirit to fight capitalism!

I'm not saying that IR kids have to choose firmly whether they're a Right-ish or a Left-ish.There are a lot of my friends who don't even care whether they're more to Right or to Left, there're also those who stand in the middle.And where exactly I am? am I a Jedi or a Sith? (With the case, both are awesome affiliation.None are more inferior or superior)

I've write about this before in my previous post: the first time people take a glance at me, they'll never ever think that my role model is Soe Hok Gie, Tan Malaka, and Christopher McCandless.Those people are the kind of people who says no to "luxury", they're very down to earth to the point they turn down any kind of well established luxurious life.While I am, Azarine Kyla Arinta, is craving for prosperity, for a luxurious life.But in contrary..I'm extremely troubled by any kind of injustice, unfairness, and inequeality.

My bed sheet is United States flag and I adore United States of America.I adore them so much I never think they're a bastard for invading Iraq, interventing in every countries's problem, or offering a financial aid with a ridiculous lending rates.This is the kind of love that blindfolding.However, though I adore United States of America very much and my outer appearance is what my friends refer to "a walking capitalism" I've never been intrigued by capitalism.I like America for it's democracy and it's freedom for speech, and to do whatever you want, but they're seriously lacking in human empathy.My problem with capitalism is, those who already in a great position with a lot of money often forgot that they're not living in this world alone, that there are people around them who needs their help.I'm not saying help by giving money but to educate them, to improve their quality of life, THIS often, or I'd rather say always been forgotten by capitalistic system.This is why although my outer saying Right, my heart always says Left.

Meanwhile, the Left, I just barely know the Left.For quite a long time I always identified Left as : USSR (FAIL), Russia (140% FAIL), North Korea (Seriously?), China (Oh come on).Those kind of Left has make me skeptical.I'm being judgmental apparently.I've forgot there are also the kind of Left like the first govt of Indonesia and the Latin Americas.

Here's the story about Latin Americas.I have always been a big fan of Brasil's soccer team, I've supported them since the World Cup in 2002, 9 years ago.From that moment, I've determine myself that someday I'll go to Brasil and I'll explore Latin Americas.I've never been interested in Latin Americas for their ideology, I'm interested because of their culture and their similarity to Indonesia.This though has recently change since I take Politik&Pemerintahan Amerika Latin class this semester.Through this class I've learn a spirit of revolution.A courage to fight for our rights, to be fully independent and to help our friends based on solidarity and humanity principles not based on profits.THIS what strengthen my "Left"ism.

Humanity.Empathy.Careness.THESE are forgotten by the wealthy "Right"ism.

So this is my statement, my honest forethought from my limited sources and my limited brain: I'm not saying I don't want to live a luxurious life, I'm not saying I'm not profit oriented and do not want to be wealthy.
I WANT to live a luxurious life.
I WANT to be wealthy.
because I have objectives

With my money, I want to help those around me, my society, to educate and improve their quality of living.By that, we'll all live a perfect harmonious society where everyone is equally educated, equally wealthy.

My skepticism from USSR and North Korea's "Left"ism is although they stated to be a "Left" country where everyone is EQUAL but the fact is not everyone is equal, the fact is the workers are still being exploited, the elite politics still dominate all the money in the country.EQUALLY POOR is foolish.RICHNESS FOR A FEW is also foolish.

I'm writing this because I feel like people are judging me from my appearance.I'm indeed a walking "Right"ish but do I have to ac t like it? Nawh.I'd rather not.

the flags in my room said it all

Si Pohon Oak

2011-12-17T06:55:00.001-08:00
69 tahun yang lalu di tengah perang pasifik yang sedang berkecamuk, lahirlah intelektual muda Indonesia ini.Pribadi yang berani mengatakan salah adalah salah, pribadi humanis yang idealis dan bersedia diasingkan demi mempertahankan prinsipnya.Soe Hok Gie is the person I want to be but I know I haven't reach that level yet or will never reach that level.Saya ini, manusia-manusia zaman sekarang yang terlalu disibukkan dengan memenuhi kebutuhan diri sendiri, membeli barang-barang terbaru yang di pamerkan oleh iklan.Saya adalah orang yang termakan zaman, terseret arus apatisme dan skeptisme.

Sementara hampir 50 tahun yang lalu, Soe Hok Gie, seorang mahasiswa Fakultas Sastra Universitas Indonesia pada masa itu, tumbuh menjadi seorang yang peduli pada bangsanya, yang nasionalismenya berapi api, berkeinginan memperbaiki bangsanya.
Soe adalah sesosok yang vokal, berani mengatakan kebenaran, membenci ketidak adilan.Buat saya, Soe adalah Superman yang sesungguhnya.

Sementara saya ini, Saya tumbuh dan besar di Jakarta, dimana saya melihat disekitar mall-mall yang bagus diantara seliweran mobil-mobil mewah banyak orang-orang yang tidur di trotoar jalan.Saya selalu ingin menangis melihat orang-orang seperti itu, tetapi entah mengapa saya malu karena tentu teman saya atau bahkan keluarga saya akan berkomentar,"apasih, melankolis banget jadi orang" seakan-akan saya yang bersalah karena merasakan keibaan.Saya dipenuhi dengan keheranan pada era dimana saya hidup sekarang ini, dipenuhi kebencian dan kemuakkan pada kesombongan saya tetapi saya hanya bisa diam, malah bangga akan kesombongan saya.

Betul kata Gie, "Nobody knows the trouble I see, nobody knows my sorrow"
Tak seorangpun akan menyangka saya yang pongah seperti ini memiliki setitik kepedulian.Dan itu menyakitkan.
Lebih menyakitkan lagi adalah tak seorangpun tau dibalik segala hal yang saya punya, saya diliputi ketidak tenangan, memikirkan ibu-ibu yang tadi saya liat di jalan dengan baju tidak layak, mengiba meminta sedikit saja rezeki dari saya.
It is sorrowful being labeled as something and you have to act that way in order to keep up with society.
Nobody knows the trouble I see, nobody understands, setiap saya mengutarakan keibaan saya hanya akan dicibir atau ditertawakan karena saya masih hidup dengan gaya hidup yang sangat timpang dengan apa yang saya katakan atau saya fikirkan.
Rasanya sedih sekali, ketika kepedulian anda, dianggap humor, ketika kepedulian anda, dianggap tidak perlu.
Rasanya sedih..memikirkan setelah saya berbicara panjang lebar seperti ini, saya masih hesitate untuk meninggalkan kehidupan saya.

Saya ingin menjadi Soe Hok Gie, yang memberikan uang terakhirnya untuk seorang yang memakan kulit mangga di pinggir jalanan ibu kota.Saya ingin merasakan keibaan, tanpa dipandang aneh.Tapi lebih penting lagi, saya ingin tidak lagi memikirkan akan dipandang apakah saya.Saya ingin bertahan dengan prinsip-prinsip humanisme tanpa harus memikirkan cemooh orang orang yang skeptis dengan hal-hal seperti ini sekarang.

"Saya tak tahu mengapa, Saya merasa agak melankolik malam ini. Saya melihat lampu-lampu kerucut dan arus lalu lintas jakarta dengan warna-warna baru. Seolah-olah semuanya diterjemahkan dalam satu kombinasi wajah kemanusiaan. Semuanya terasa mesra tapi kosong. Seolah-olah saya merasa diri saya yang lepas dan bayangan-bayangan yang ada menjadi puitis sekali di jalan-jalan. Perasaan sayang yang amat kuat menguasai saya. Saya ingin memberikan sesuatu rasa cinta pada manusia, pada anjing-anjing di jalanan, pada semua-muanya."

Saya..ingin memberikan sesuatu rasa cinta pada manusia, pada segala mahluk hidup di dunia ini.Sedikit saja, karena saya tau saya hanya bisa sedikit, saya bukan Santo, bukan Nabi, bukan Tuhan.Tapi saya ingin merasakan ketenangan seperti Gie yang menyambut maut setelah menemui ketenangan dalam alam, mempertahankan prinsip-prinsipnya.

Saya tidak mengagumi Soe Hok Gie karena ke "kiri" an nya. Yang membuat saya kagum adalah...sifat humanis nya yang begitu tinggi.Ketidaktenangan hatinya melihat ketidak adilan di lingkungannya.Saya ingin...seperti itu.

Saya ingin mengatakan ini: Bagi saya KEBENARAN biarpun bagaimana sakitnya lebih baik daripada kemunafikan. Dan kita tak usah merasa malu dengan kekurangan-kekurangan kita.

Tetapi, untuk menjadi Soe, entah saya bisa atau tidak.
Saya sudah terlalu termakan zaman, terseret arus, menjadi robot-robot yang diciptakan zaman, kuliah, kerja yang baik, kaya, sejahtera.Menjadi seperti itu, akan membuat saya bahagia, tapi tidak pernah hakiki.Karena dibalik segala kenyamanan saya, saya tidak pernah tidur dengan tenang, memikirkan hal-hal yang bisa saya lakukan, memikirkan betapa tidak adilnya saya seperti ini sementara banyak orang lain yang tidak seperti ini.

Saya mau jadi Pohon Oak, seperti Soe Hok Gie.Berani menentang angin.
Tapi kenyataannya saya hanyalah Pohon Bambu, bermimpi menjadi Oak tetapi terlalu nyaman menjadi Bambu.

RIP Soe Hok Gie.

"Bagiku ada sesuatu yang paling berharga dan hakiki dalam kehidupan: dapat mencintai, dapat iba hati, dapat merasai kedukaan"

"Nasib terbaik adalah tidak dilahirkan, yang kedua dilahirkan tapi mati muda, dan yang tersial adalah umur tua. Rasa-rasanya memang begitu. Bahagialah mereka yang mati muda."

Berbahagialah kamu Gie, kamu tidak perlu terlalu lama menderita ketidaktenangan akibat menyaksikan ketidakadilan.

Notes from writer: While I wrote this, I repeteadly listen to "Gie" by Eros, "Society" and "Long Nights" by Eddie Vedder.
Listen to that song, it fits Gie perfectly.

You might be a big fish....

2011-12-12T03:06:00.000-08:00

"Just because I'm losing, doesn't mean I'm lost
Doesn't mean I'll stop, doesn't mean I would cross

Just because I'm hurting, doesn't mean I'm hurt
Doesn't mean I didn't get...What I deserved
No better and no worse"

I've been planning to write about this but I can't find time to write it, and I was afraid I might forget to write it.But then I was listening to Lennon (my iPod) on shuffle and this song came up: Lost! by Coldplay.One of my earlier favorite band.

Banyak hal bisa direlasikan dengan lagu ini, terutama pengalaman saya 20 hari yang lalu di tanggal 23 November 2011.If you happen to know me or read my blog, you'll know kalau saya mencalonkan diri menjadi ketua himpunan jurusan saya, KOMAHI (Korps Mahasiswa Hubungan Internasional) UGM.Saya maju dengan modal passion saya dalam berorganisasi, kecintaan saya terhadap entitas ini dan kontribusi serta partisipasi saya yang saya rasa cukup selama setahun ini.

Human can came up with plan, perfect one.We can came up with the most determination.
We can pray like we've never pray before.We can cry ourself out to beg for what we wish for.
But we, human, we can't never decide.We are not the one who push the "YES" button.
Tuhan lebih tau, dan Tuhan selalu lebih tau.Saya belajar dari pengalaman, untuk tidak mempertanyakan keputusan Nya.
Apa yang telah Dia putuskan, adalah hal yang terbaik, kita manusia, hanya setitik partikel dengan semangat menggebu-gebu dengan ke sok tauan luar biasa tapi Tuhan? Dia tidak melihat secara garis besarnya saja, seperti kita-kita ini, si partikel debu.
Tuhan melihat hingga ke dalam, ke masa depan, ke masa lalu, ke masa sekarang.

Maka dari itu..ketika saya dinyatakan tidak memenangkan pencalonan ketua KOMAHI.Saya tersenyum.
I've give my best, that's why I'm not upset because I've give my best shot.I've put all efforts and I have surrender.
Ketika saya kalah, saya tetap merasa menang.

Saya mengingat kata kata dari Mama dan Mas Hasto.
Mama yang bilang ke saya,"Ikhlas dan surrender.Terkadang untuk mencapai hal-hal besar diperlukan hal-hal kecil"
Mas Hasto yang bilang,"Bersenang-senanglah dengan tantangan.Disini kalian akan belajar proses pendewasaan"

Saya merasa menang karena dari proses selama hampir sebulan ini saya banyak belajar.
Saya merasa menang karena saya telah lebih banyak berdiskusi dengan orang-orang.
Saya merasa menang karena saya telah belajar menjadi pemimpin dengan cara mendengar opini orang-orang.
Saya merasa menang karena saya telah memberitahu, setidaknya segelintir orang yang mendegarkan bahwa berorganisasi itu menyenangkan, berorganisasi itu adalah hadiah dari Tuhan bagi mahasiswa-mahasiswa seperti saya ini agar tidak merasa bosan.
Saya merasa menang karena saya melihat kata-kata semangat dari orang-orang, tidak peduli siapapun yang mereka vote.
Saya merasa menang karena saya melihat solidaritas dari angkatan saya, bersatu padu mengeluarkan kata-kata semangat demi ketiga calonnya yang berasal dari angkatannya.
Saya merasa menang melihat display picture BBM Mama saya yang merupakan poster kampanye saya.
Saya merasa menang karena keluarga saya begitu bangga kepada saya, karena telah berani mencoba.
Saya merasa menang, telah bisa berbicara di depan publik, menyampaikan fikiran saya, menularkan semangat saya.
Saya merasa menang karena saya berani mencintai, dan saya mencintai dengan berani

Saya merasa menang,
Kemenangan yang hakiki, tidak sekedar suara yang terbanyak.
Tetapi suatu pengalaman, yang merupakan langkah awal dari perjalanan panjang saya nanti.

Dan saya merasa menang karena Tuhan telah menguji kearogansian saya dan saya bisa menerimanya dengan legawa.
Tuhan, terimakasih atas kemenangan dari Mu.

"You might be a big fish in a little pond
Doesn't mean you've won cause along may come.A bigger one"

Kata-kata terakhir dari inspirasi saya, Soe Hok Gie:
"Bagiku ada sesuatu yang paling berharga dan hakiki dalam kehidupan: 'dapat mencintai, dapat iba hati, dapat merasai kedukaan'. Tanpa itu semua maka kita tidak lebih dari benda. Berbahagialah orang yang masih mempunyai rasa cinta, yang belum sampai kehilangan benda yang paling bernilai itu. Kalau kita telah kehilangan itu maka absurdlah hidup kita"

Saya menang karena saya rasakan sesuatu yang berharga dan hakiki: dapat mencintai, dapat merasai kedukaan.
Berbahagialah saya karena saya masih mempunyai rasa cinta.

PS: Tuhan tidak pernah menolak apa yang kita minta.Dia hanya menundanya untuk sesuatu yang lebih besar atau mengujimu agar kamu siap untuk sesuatu yang lebih besar.

SUIT UP! It's time for a "CHANGE"

2011-11-14T01:00:00.000-08:00
Terdengar seperti jargon politik yang normatif? Tetapi tidak dapat dipungkiri bahwa setiap calon yang mengajukan diri untuk menjadi suatu ketua memiliki keinginan untuk membawa "Perubahan". Perubahan apakah yang akan saya bawa untuk KOMAHI tahun depan apabila saya terpilih?

Sesuai dengan jargon saya: PROgresif&PROaktif.Saya akan membawa KOMAHI menjadi lebih PROaktif dalam ranah FISIPOL.Kenapa hanya ranah FISIPOL? Apakah ini tidak terlalu kecil lingkupnya? Meskipun saya seorang utopis dan seorang pemimpi tetapi dalam berorganisasi selain memiliki mimpi kita harus sadar bahwa mimpi tersebut harus direalisasikan, karena dalam organisasi, mimpi ini adalah mimpi bersama.Bukan mimpi individual.Membawa KOMAHI untuk lebih PROaktif dalam ranah Fakultas merupakan awal perubahan ke arah yang lebih baik, syukur Alhamdulillah apabila mimpi ini terwujud dengan lebih cepat di awal pemerintahan sehingga kita bisa merambah ke Fakultas yang lain.Dalam wujud apakah ke PROaktifan ini akan di implementasikan?
Dalam wujud PUBLIKASI YANG KUAT DI SETIAP ACARA KOMAHI.

Kekurangan yang dimiliki oleh HMJ kita yang tercinta ini adalah kurang kuatnya publikasi sehingga terkadang orang orang tidak tau bahwa KOMAHI sedang memiliki acara.Selain konsep acara yang bagus, konsep publikasi yang bagus akan menarik massa yang banyak atau paling tidak orang orang akan lebih aware akan keberadaan KOMAHI sebagai suatu HMJ yang mumpuni.

Selain perubahan secara pencitraan di Fakultas sebagai HMJ yang "megang".Saya bercita cita untuk suatu KOMAHI yang lebih elegan.KOMAHI adalah organisasi yang membumi dan tidak eksklusif dan selamanya akan tetap begitu, tetapi suatu organisasi tertinggi di dalam jurusan harus memiliki citra yang elegan dan menumbuhkan kebanggaan dalam diri orang orang yang tergabung di dalamnya.Rasa sense of belonging yang kuat akan menumbuhkan profesionalitas dan komitmen dalam setiap bagian dari KOMAHI dan tentunya akan membuat KOMAHI menjadi lebih progresif.

Do you still have a question for a "Change" ? or do you want to discuss about the "Change" you want to see in our beloved KOMAHI? Please do not hesitate to ask via this Blog or you can email me in Azarinekylarinta@hotmail.com or simply ask me via my Twitter @Rintachos!

As Barney Stinson said...SUIT UP HI UGM! Because this year is going to be LEGEND...........wait for it.......DARY! LE-GE-ND-DA-RY!

a stupid song for two stupid people

2011-11-09T03:15:00.000-08:00
Stupid: • dazed and unable to think clearly ; lacking intelligence or common sense.

You and I painting rainbows when no rain falls on our wall
Smelling raindrops on a hilltop as they fall
You and I laughing loudly with no reasons in our walk
Chasing sunsets, dancing minuet in the dark

Why don't we just disappear
If that could keep us here?

You and I sharing snow fall and the beach sand in our thoughts
Writing love words with our whispers in our hearts
You and I stealing kisses from each other when we fight
Making wishes on the same star every night

Why don't we just dream away
If that could make us stay?
Why can't we just dream away?
We're not real, anyway

Why don't we just stay this high?
Pretend we're all that fly
Why can't we just stay this high?
We might rule our own sky

You and I singing solo our very own silly song
Playing lovers of all edens all life long

By the way, this is a song by Float.It's title is Stupido Ritmo.

List of Rintachos's version of Heroes

2011-11-08T20:44:00.000-08:00
Who's your favorite Superhero Chos!? I would probably answer..Flash, the fastest man alive!
But if you ask me, who's your favorite hero Chos??! I would answer..Hero? It should be plural, heroes! I have lots.
Then..who are your heroes and why do you have a lot of heroes Chos?

Why do I have lot of them? because you know, I'm a type of person who is very hard to impress.Which is make it hard for me to sit still in my class because my mind and body refuse to listen to someone whose not 'inspiring' according to my criteria.Along my 19 years of life I have met several people that continually inspire me, gives me spirit when I'm down by remembering their words, gives me courage to fight the obstacles ahead by remembering their awesomeness.They're an actual person, not only a character in some cool movies.

*drum rolls* here they are!

My parents are one of the main reason I'm obsessed with being rich and prosper.Let's start with Papa, Papa was born in Blayu July 11th 1951.100% Balinese.He was unbelieveably poor at that time but instead of gave up on education, he fought for it.He got a full scolarship to study in ITS (Institut Teknologi Surabaya) right after he finished his high school in Bali.During his study, he got offered to be a pilot (yes an aeroplane pilot) but failed due to bad eyesight (genetics, you could tell).He then worked as ATC (Air Traffic Controller or I always told everyone my Papa first job was tukang parkir pesawat bcs for me it sounds cool).After a few years working, the company told him to take master degree in Economy and they would pay for all the tuition and everything.THIS was the time when he met my Mama for the first time..

My Mama was born in Ujung Pandang January 26th 1959.100%Bugis.That makes me BABU..(BAliBUgis).Just like my Papa, she was also unbelieavebly poor.However my Opa always wanted all his 11 kids to have a decent education, no matter how poor they are.My Mama used to work hard ever since she was a teenager, she had to maintain good grades while at the same time took care of her siblings (she got 8 @.@).My Mama always told me she was never that bright (not as bright as my Papa she means) and I agree, well she's never as smart as my Papa but she was the most caring and hardworking person in the whole world. Her hardworks paid off, at the age of 21, she already married to my Papa.She had job, able to bought her own first car and gave money to her sibling even before she was 25 and she finished her school at 22.

Although they used to live in a really harsh condition while grew up, they always wanted me and my sisters to live prosper.They pratically fulfill all of our needs, granted our wishes, gave us freedom to pursue whatever we want to pursue (They let my 2nd sister go to culinary school and become a chef like what she always wanted and my Mama, although barely make enough living still fulfill my wish to become an exchange student).

I will always admire my Papa for being the smartest (as in cerdas, gak cuma pintar) man in my whole world and my Mama for being the most courageous woman in my whole world.

*trumpet*

MR.FBS

Without him, my friends and I would be "anak ayam kehilangan induk" from Jakarta's Soekarno Hatta-Singapore's Changi-Japan's Narita-USA's Detroit Intl-USA's O'Hare.This dude is beyond awesome.He taught me a lot of thing, ranging from survival in a strange land, adapting with a bizzare culture, to philosophical things.He encouraged me to keep writing and he was the one that affect my decisionmaking about studying in UGM.

"I believe the decision to take HI or Hukum is not a bad option. Di S1 Indonesia, I believe it's not about the classes you take. But "How it could shape your mind and learn how think systematically". It really doesn't matter what r u gonna do after univ years. Don't try to predict the future on what you will become. Just try to enjoy the wonderful years, learn about everything that can shape you to be more of who you are. Coba lihat aja, banyak bgt yang kerjanya ga sesuai dengan jurusannya. Me for example. Gw punya S1 dan S2 di accounting, but I never..never work in an accounting field hahaha.. Even when we don't work in our field of study, we can be successful and happy.So keep the spirit, keep positive, and keep writing. I think, you can be yourself in your writing. It keeps you sane!! (got it? hehehe)"

That's what he said before I took SIMAK UI and then failed.At my 2nd attempt, I took UTUL UGM and then I passed, he told me later: it's better to be a king in a small kingdom, then to be nobody in a large kingdom.

Upon listening to the quote.I was even more sure to take UGM rather than dropped my chance to take another test (There are still UMB and SNMPTN left at that time).

You are right Mister FBS, it is better to be a king in a small kingdom and writing do keep me sane ;).Good luck for your study in USA, I'll see you soon.Thank you for being an inspiration, I will always admire you for your passion and positivity.

*cajon*

Another Mister! Here comes Mister BJF!
Why is he cool? He's a teacher who is also a big fan of Star Wars and Kurt Vonnegut and Apple products and listens to The Smiths and one day when I was gloomy he was playing Mazzy Star's Fade into You on his laptop.He made us play Wii in our last day of class.He was also the advisor of Yearbook club, well meh, just one of the coolest club in Fremont High School.He made the class read Hamlet by Shakespeare with FUN.Literally with FUN because he made us watch a stickman figure of Hamlet so we could understand the book more.He succesfuly made my life by making me read 1984 by George Orwel and Of Mice and Man by John Steinbeck.He recommended me the Catcher in the Rye, Cat's Cradle, and the Lord of the Flies.He helped me make list of 100 books I have to read before I die.He's a big fan of RPG game and owns every game consoles.He's funny and cool but do not tolerate laziness or stupid grammar in his class.He's the perfect idea of a teacher.

Thank you for the Neal Stephenson's book Mr.BJF, you are so far THE ONLY teacher that I ever truly like and ever truly inspire me.

I will always admire you for your awesomeness and also your passion for teaching.

*electric guitar*

Not another Mister.But a sister.Not a real sister, but a by-heart sister.SCC.

I first encounter her during my 10th grade in SMA Negeri 8 Jakarta, her face was very cute and I feel like cubit-cubit and hug her all the time.As time went by, we found out that we have quite a lot similarities.We shared cool musics, talked about Grey's Anatomy, and most importante about life :-) . I miss the time when we used to went home together and talked for hours about the idea of soulmate and religion.I told you this, remember?: Maksud aku, aku tidak memerlukan agama karena agama itu membatasi cara kita berkomunikasi dengan Tuhan.Kenapa kita harus dibatasi dengan ritual ritual seperti itu? kenapa tidak berkomunikasi saja langsung dengan Tuhan.You answered: Orang-orang seperti kita ini belum bisa seperti itu, kita bukan sufi dek.Kita butuh ritual agar kita ingat untuk berkomunikasi dengan Tuhan.Kalau tidak diberitahu dan diberi ritual seperti ini, manusia manusia biasa seperti kita akan lupa sama Tuhan..kita terlalu sibuk sama dunia.

Thank you for hours of talk, thank you for being there for me and always keeping up.You will be a great doctor, I know it.I will always always admire you for your inspiring words and your unconditional love for that someone you love.

*Maxim's song*

DCH! How can we be so different but feel so much alike? Hahaha.At first I thought we have a lot of similarities..we love Muse, Oasis, Radiohead and then we love to play Bishi Bashi..and then we talked for hours and hours since Februari 2010 and never get bored but then it turns out that we are very very different.In a vital way, we are different.I'm an utopist, you are a realist.Your view of an ending frustrates the hell out of me, my view..also frustrating for you because I believe life is that easy and you believe no Chos! Reality bites! Wake up!.But I never wake up, you've scream wake up to me and here I'm still half asleep...
She is the first person whom in our friendship along the way I felt this: "We are definitely something in the previous life!".This person is very beautiful, charming, and smart but apparently...she never feel that way which strangely makes me idolize her even more.Without her, I would never ever read 5 Cm by Donny Dhirgantoro and maybe I'm not as inspired to be ketua KOMAHI if I haven't met her before.We have talk almost about everything and yet it seems our conversation is still endless..

Thank you also for hours of talk, for not giving up, for almost everything.I will never stop admire you for being my possible long-lost soulmate!

HAHA this one deserve a real photo...but no, instead of her PRESENT photo, I will give you....this...little Didi Nini Thowok.
(I'm sorry ,I can't help but to put this in my blog)

DNG.As much as I want to punch her in the face everytime she talks and laughs and pratically do anything..She's actually one of my hero(GAH.I HOPE YOU'RE NOT BESAR KEPALA AFTER THIS YOU LITTLE GENGGES KID).I barely know her, exactly a year ago on August.She was pretty much "normal" at first..until she went crazy...and I can't take it anymore.She's probably the most naive person I've ever encounter in my whole life, her life is filled with rainbows, butterflies, nyan cat and unicorns.BUt just because she's a little bit cuckoo, doesn't mean she's not bright.She's bright, just like her cheerful personality and not only bright she's also the best love advisor for me (when she's normal, when she's not, I'd rather talk with brick walls).I used to talk a lot about melancholic books (Murakami and Dee), we talk about reincarnation and soulmate and pertanda pertanda alam..It's nice to have someone with the same belief.Other than being gengges but also wise, she's probably the 2nd person that I'm sure I've met in my previous life.

Hey little one! Thank you for EVERYTHING..literally, you've taken care of me when I'm sick, listen to my rambling words, being talked harsh by me but you're still the nicest person ever.You know I actually admire you for being so faithful in love.

As a human, we experienced a lot of things in life and along that experience we met several people that'll leave paw in our heart.Mark them, so everytime we're lost and down, we look to our heart and we find strength from our inspiration. Thank you all people that I've ever encounter and give me life lessons, I'm sorry I couldnt mention all of you because well actually you are all pretty inspiring and there'll always people who thinks you are their hero.So be happy, no one is forever alone LVL 99! Find your hero, find your strength.Be inspired and be passionate!

Good times gonna come

2011-10-30T10:16:00.000-07:00
A post like this, shouldn't come for someone like.I've been a lot worse and I guess I just don't want you to feel the way I do.
This is a letter, a happy letter for a friend.

This post is dedicated to my dearest friend who’s currently going through a stormy weather.Dear little one, you know what? Storm doesnt last forever, it goes away, so does your storm, have faith and like I always said to you and like I always want about you: be happy, you’re too cute to be unhappy :-)

We’re one of those uncommon people who has feel the real, genuine feeling of love.You have said to me that you can’t put reasons why you love that someone because it simply can’t be explained.You have said to me that whatever happened, no matter how hurt you were, you will always have faith.I’ve learnt a lot from you, especially about having faith and not to give up.
Little one, we both read Madre and we both like one particular story called : “Have you ever..?” about karmic bonding, reincarnation.We both believe in such stuff.If it’s meant to be it’ll come back to us, no matter how nonsense it seems to people.

Kamu tau dirimu dengan filosofi-filosofi tentang kepercayaanmu? Mengagumkan.

Kamu lah salah satu orang yang membuatku percaya dengan adanya unconditional love.Kamu lah yang membuat quotes semacam ini terasa nyata dan memungkinkan: Love is patient and kind;Love is not jealous or boastful;it is not arrogant or rude.Love does not insist on its own way;it is not irritable or resentful;it does not rejoice at wrong, but rejoices in the right.Love bears all things, believes all things,hopes all things, endures all things. -- 1 Corinthians 13:4-7

Kamu dengan imajinasimu diam-diam selalu memberikan aku semangat dan sedikit kepercayaan terhadap kisah cintaku yang sama tragisnya dengan modern geek tragedy.

Kamu dengan kenaifanmu diam-diam selalu memberikan aku tambahan kepercayaan di masa masa badaiku.

Aku pernah tanya ke kamu, pertanyaan yang didorong oleh rasa menyesakkan yang tidak bisa dijelaskan setelah aku membaca Madre.Aku tanya ke kamu: what if all of this is just a big cosmic jokes?
Kamu dengan segala kepercayaanmu menjawab: just laugh and always have faith Kecosi.

Aku ingin kamu tau satu hal, aku ingin kamu menanamkannya di dalam fikiranmu, meresapinya, menutup matamu dan menguatkan hatimu dan percaya satu hal ini: to let go is not to give up..It's a big different think

Aku tidak ingin berkata ini padamu, aku tidak ingin kehilangan kepercayaan ini kepadamu tetapi aku harus mengatakannya: You have to let go..Kamu tidak hanya menyakiti dirimu sendiri, kamu menyakiti orang yang menyayangimu.Aku tidak bisa lagi melihatmu terlalu lama karena perasaan sakit akan menjalar ke dalam tubuhku, aku tidak mau kasian padamu, tidak ada satupun dari kita yang patut dikasiani karena kita adalah orang orang yang telah berani mencintai, cinta..bukan hanya suka atau sayang semata, orang dengan cinta seperti kita tidak pantas dikasiani.

Let go little one, but have faith, do not give up..let go berarti mengikhlaskan karena kita tau, yang kita lepaskan itu akan kembali kepada kita lagi.I want you to be happy by letting go sincerely but i do not want you to let go of him in your mind, have faith..
Have faith..kata kata darimu yang akan selalu terngiang.Kamu telah membantuku melewati masa-masa seperti ini, masa-masa yang mungkin akan aku temui lagi karena kamu tau ceritaku, kalau kamu merasa nasibmu tidak mengenakkan, ingatlah ceritaku :) it’ll make you feel a lot better, right?

Be happy, pretty please?

This is just one of those lonely night.The good times gonna come
In the end we let it go away,we let it float away,on the breeze.
Round the bend the sun is in the sky, it's starting to look like it's gonna be, yeah, it's gonna be
a bright
beautiful day
yeah, the good times gonna come.

PS: Ayo semangat UTS abis itu kita ke pantai!

Why KOMAHI?

2011-10-27T04:42:00.000-07:00
Why KOMAHI Chos? Kenapa memilih mencalonkan diri menjadi ketua KOMAHI? Kenapa menantang diri sendiri dengan tantangan seperti ini? Apakah kamu mencintai KOMAHI seperti kamu mencintai Amerika Serikat dan UGM sehingga kamu rela mengambil resiko seperti ini?

Kenapa yang pertama adalah karena ini:
"Kehidupan sekarang benar-benar membosankan saya. Saya merasa seperti monyet tua yang dikurung di kebun binatang dan tidak punya kerja lagi. Saya ingin merasakan kehidupan kasar dan keras ? diusap oleh angin dingin seperti pisau, atau berjalan memotong hutan dan mandi di sungai kecil,orang-orang seperti kita ini tidak pantas mati di tempat tidur" - Soe Hok Gie

Mahasiswa-mahasiswa seperti kita ini terlalu brilian untuk menjadi apatis, terlalu brilian untuk hanya menjadi seorang akademisi sejati tanpa pengalaman yang berarti.Saya selalu menjadi orang orang itu, orang orang yang tidak akan puas hanya dengan 3 tahun bersekolah di SMA dengan rutinitas itu itu saja, saya bosan maka saya mengusahakan apapun agar saya bisa memiliki pengalaman berbeda: saya ke Amerika Serikat.Saya merasa bosan apabila saya ada di Jakarta saja, bosan menghadapi kemacetan, bosan dengan wajah yang itu itu saja maka saya pergi ke Yogyakarta.Saya bosan apabila saya hanya melulu belajar dan mementingkan akademis, apalagi saya tidak terlalu pintar, saya bosan maka saya mau mencari pengalaman dan bertemulah saya dengan KOMAHI.KOMAHI yang pertama saya temui kala itu masih berada di pimpinan Kak Hasto Siswanto, salah satu pemimpin terhebat yang mungkin pernah saya temui secara langsung, yang saya kenal, yang kata katanya mampu menyihir saya.Kak Hasto Siswanto sedikit banyak mempengaruhi keputusan saya untuk bergabung dengan KOMAHI.KOMAHI itu, seperti dalam essay yang saya berikan ke MPM HI, adalah obat penawar dan kegembiraan saya ditengah rutinitas yang membosankan.

Kenapa yang kedua adalah karena ini:
"If you love something so much, it's only natural if you want to protect it" - Nadine Zamira Sjarief

Saya jatuh cinta.Jatuh cinta kepada KOMAHI.Saya adalah orang yang mencintai dengan berapi-api, saya terlahir dengan passion.Maka ketika saya jatuh cinta, saya mendedikasikan segalanya untuk cinta saya.Saya ingin melindungi, saya ingin KOMAHI yang terbaik, saya ingin KOMAHI yang dihargai, saya ingin KOMAHI menjadi himpunan jurusan yang tidak dipandang sebelah mata, saya ingin KOMAHI mampu mencitrakan HI yang tidak eksklusif namun tetap elegan.In brief, saya sangat jatuh cinta pada KOMAHI dan saya ingin memberikan yang terbaik.

“When we love, we always strive to become better than we are. When we strive to become better than we are, everything around us becomes better too.”
― Paulo Coelho, The Alchemist

Kenapa yang ketiga adalah karena ini:
“Sebaik-baik manusia adalah mereka yang bermanfaat bagi orang lain”
― Donny Dhirgantoro

Klise ya? Tetapi tidak ada perasaan yang mengalahkan kesenangan dan kebahagiaan ketika kita telah melakukan hal baik terhadap orang lain.Hal hal normatif seperti ini lah yang membuat bumi kita ini menjadi rumah yang nyaman.Perasaan perasaan seperti inilah yang membuat manusia bisa bertahan hidup di dunia yang walaupun sekali lagi terdengar klise, tapi memang secara realita dunia itu kejam.Saya ingin jadi manusia yang baik, kenapa? simple.Saya merasa saya memiliki banyak kekurangan tetapi kekurangan utama dari saya adalah..saya cenderung narsistik dan memiliki kecintaan berlebih terhadap diri sendiri..untuk mengurangi ini, saya harus mencintai sesuatu yang lain..menjadi bermanfaat bagi orang lain, mengabdikan diri untuk orang lain.

“Sebuah cinta memang harus diungkapkan karena tidak pernah ada cinta yang disembunyikan, kecuali oleh seseorang yang terlalu mencintai dirinya sendiri.”
― Donny Dhirgantoro

Kenapa yang keempat adalah karena ini:
“Everything tells me that I am about to make a wrong decision, but making mistakes is just part of life. What does the world want of me? Does it want me to take no risks, to go back to where I came from because I didn't have the courage to say "yes" to life?”
― Paulo Coelho, Eleven Minutes

Saya punya kesempatan untuk tetap berada di suatu organisasi, memiliki jabatan yang jelas, memiliki pengakuan.Tetapi saya tidak ingin di tempat yang aman, saya merasa ada suatu "panggilan" yang tidak bisa dijelaskan, saya harus mengambil resiko.Kembali lagi pada alasan ketiga..kecintaan dan passion membuat saya mengambil resiko resiko yang tidak bisa dijelaskan.Saya katakan ini intuisi, kata orang intuisi adalah cara dari Tuhan untuk memberi tahu manusia jalan mana yang harus saya ambil.Kata teman saya, saya adalah orang dengan intuisi terburuk tetapi saya percaya alam semesta, dan alam semesta memberikan jalan kepada saya hingga mencapai tahap ini.Saya mempercayai bisikan alam, karena itu saya berbalik dan menjawab tantangan mereka.I say "yes" to life.

Why KOMAHI? karena se cheesy apapun ini terdengar, se memuakkan apapun tulisan saya, saya jatuh cinta, dan ketika saya mencintai, saya tidak menutupi.

Pada Musyawarah Besar setahun lalu di dalam LPJ nya, Kak Hasto Siswanto mengutip buku yang sangat saya suka, 5 cm, iya buku dari Donny Dhirgantoro ini selalu saya kutip dimana-mana, seseorang yang memberitahukan tentang buku ini pun adalah orang yang sangat istimewa untuk saya, buku ini adalah salah satu jawaban dari Why KOMAHI.Terkait dengan postingan di bawah, saya tidak pernah lupa sejak setahun lalu untuk menggantungkan mimpi saya, 5 cm dari kening saya.Kapanpun.

“Mimpi-mimpi kamu, cita-cita kamu, keyakinan kamu, apa yang kamu mau kejar, biarkan ia menggantung, mengambang 5 centimeter di depan kening kamu. Jadi dia nggak akan pernah lepas dari mata kamu. Dan kamu bawa mimpi dan keyakinan kamu itu setiap hari, kamu lihat setiap hari, dan percaya bahwa kamu bisa.
Apa pun hambatannya, bilang sama diri kamu sendiri, kalo kamu percaya sama keinginan itu dan kamu nggak bisa menyerah. Bahwa kamu akan berdiri lagi setiap kamu jatuh, bahwa kamu akan mengejarnya sampai dapat, apapun itu, segala keinginan, mimpi, cita-cita, keyakinan diri..
Biarkan keyakinan kamu, 5 centimeter mengambang di depan kening kamu. Dan… sehabis itu yang kamu perlu cuma kaki yang akan berjalan lebih jauh dari biasanya, tangan yang akan berbuat lebih banyak dari biasanya, mata yang akan menatap lebih lama dari biasanya, leher yang akan lebih sering melihat ke atas, lapisan tekad yang seribu kali lebih keras dari baja, dan hati yang akan bekerja lebih keras dari biasanya, serta mulut yang akan selalu berdoa..
Keep our dreams alive, and we will survive..
[5cm]”
― Donny Dhirgantoro

5 cm

2011-10-27T04:10:00.000-07:00

As I’ve stated in my 2011 resolution, I’m going to climb a ‘mountain’.In this post I’ll finally reveal the ‘mountain’ I’m going to climb….the ‘mountain’ and the challenge is…… Mencalonkan diri menjadi ketua Korps Mahasiswa Hubungan International UGM.Every year, I have to challenge myself with something big.In 2010 I challenged myself: “Chos lo harus bisa masuk HI UGM” and I have overcome my challenge after a few obstacles.

So how’s climbing this one mountain Chos? Well, there are more obstacles.Afterall there’s always a little bit of politic in organizational things and politic is always sickening.But I’m one step closer to my dream, I’ve passed the qualification as “Calon Ketua KOMAHI 2011-2012”.There are requirements I need to fill to become Calon Ketua.First I have to collect at least 50 identification cards of HI UGM Kids angkatan 2011-2009, second I have to write 3 essay(s) : Bagaimana KOMAHI yang baik, Visi dan MIsi calon ketua KOMAHI, Pendapat mengenai KOMAHI tahun sebelumnya, and then finally I have to have a decent GPA.

(Indonesia Mode On)

Tantangan pertama yang gue hadapi: Tersebutlah Calon Ketua KOMAHI satu lagi yang bernama Aldo Marchiano Kaligis, a friend of mine.We have both know timeline yang akan dikeluarkan oleh MPM HI UGM mengenai pencalonan Ketua KOMAHI ini, so we decided to “curi start”.Why? Karena gue dan Aldo licik? Karena gue dan Aldo brengsek jadi kita curi start aja? Karena gue dan Aldo mau maruk KTM biar yang lain gak dapet? Well…Wrong answer.Gue dan Aldo curi start karena: disaat waktu pengumpulan KTM itu, kami berdua akan berada di Jakarta untuk mengikuti Indonesia Model United Nations.But apparently it enrages people, pencalonan yang harusnya berlangsung di Oktober di undur sampai November dan dari KTM..dirubahlah menjadi KTP.
.Pengumuman tentang persyaratan diumumkan pada tanggal 17 November 2011, gue udah punya kira kira 45 KTM pada saat itu, tapi the fine morning on 18th November 2011 gue dan Aldo sama sama tersadarkan..Hey! It’s not KTM para pelanggar etika politik, it’s KTP..go exchange your KTM with KTP.Di hari yang sama kala itu, Ichuel mobil gue yang sekarang udah RIP berulah sehingga gue baru muncul di kampus jam 3 sore dengan berita bahwa…ada calon lain selain gue dan Aldo yang sudah mengumpulkan hampir 100 KTP dan gue menemukan fakta bahwa…I can’t just exchange KTP dengan KTM karena most of the KTP sudah diberikan kepada calon yang lain tersebut.But I’m not gonna go into details, I’ll go furious and I’ll once again crossed the ethic line of politic.

Alhamdulillah nya, 2010, angkatan gue sendiri sangat suportif dan memberikan banyak bantuan bagi gue yang sudah hampir kalah mental dan ingin mundur cuma karena merasa tidak sanggup harus cari lagi 50 KTP yang sekarang sudah langka diakibatkan oleh insiden diatas.
Tantangan kedua, apparently gue dan Aldo datang dari apa ya..lingkup yang sama? Istilahnya apabila calon ketua nya hanya gue berdua..ada ketakutan bahwa akan ada ‘suara-suara’ dari kelompok lain yang tidak akan kami dengar.Kenapa kami tidak akan mendengar? Karena apparently kami dikatakan sebagai orang yang eksklusif.Lucu ya, orang bisa bilang gue eksklusif bahkan orang yang bilang itu cuma ngobrol sama gue gak sering-sering amat, lucunya adalah kita ini calon sarjana dari salah satu jurusan Hubungan Internasional paling baik di Indonesia dan we make a snap judgment, how smart is that? Tapi ya sudah lah, I get that a lot, I cant blame my face because I look arrogant and I talk like I’m the most superior human being on earth, itu bawaan lahir wey, gue harus gimana.

Lalu gue instropeksi diri, segitu banyaknya obstacles merintangi..what is wrong with me? Should I change? Should I be that kind of person dengan pencitraan berlebih? And then my “comfort zone” said these to me:

“Ngapain lo berubah berubah demi orang? Lo fake dong? Lo mau jadi orang macem itu? Lo fikir orang bakal lebih percaya sama lo kalo kayak gitu? Mungkin mereka percaya, tp orang orang terdekat lo? Dan lagipula lama lama orang juga tau se brengsek apa orang itu sebenarnya.Mendingan lo brengsek langsung dari awal daripada lo keliatan baik, ramah, dan lain lain tapi di akhir akhir ketauan lo brengsek.You seriously need more haters?”

“Namanya juga elit politik.Ya harus elit lah, kenapa kalo eksklusif tapi emang bisa bikin bagus?”

Dan more words, this time dari guiding star gue
“Di dunia ini ada 30% orang yang akan suka sama kamu no matter what, ada 30% yang akan gak suka sama kamu mau kamu ngapain juga, dan ada 40% yang suka gak sukanya tergantung sama usaha kamu sendiri.Jadi biarilah orang2 yang tidak mau kamu sukses itu jadi 30% orang yang emang gak bisa kamu apa-apain, toh masih ada 70% yang bisa diusahain”

I’ve come into a lot of obstacles, I’ve realized this is not an easy road, I’ve taken my decision untuk mundur dari organisasi lain demi mendaki gunung challenge ini and no, I have climb too high to go back down and whine.Siapapun yang bilang bahwa semakin tinggi pohon semakin kuat angin berhembus, you’re damn right.Tapi seperti Soe Hok Gie katakan: “Saya tak mau jadi pohon bambu, saya mau jadi pohon oak yang berani menentang angin.”

I’m gonna do my best and let God do the rest (Though I really should get back to God, I haven’t chat with Him for a while).
Bismillahirrahmanirrahim, dengan ini, saya I Gusti Ayu Azarine Kyla Arinta menyatakan siap maju untuk pencalonan Ketua KOMAHI Periode 2011-2012

Whoever read this, I really appreciate if you pray for me, not prayer so I can win the election but to pray like this (especially if you’re a part of HI UGM): “I hope whoever wins the election brings the best out of KOMAHI, because all leaders want a good change for their organization, but one is destined to lead.KOMAHI is the one and only organization in HI UGM that’ll bring us all together, that’ll bring 300 collegians from 2011-2009 together..whoever gets elected, please God, make them bring the best out of KOMAHI, because KOMAHI is HI UGM’s coziest “home””

Rintachos, gantungkan mimpi mimpimu 5 cm dari keningmu, supaya kamu bisa terus melihat.Hanya 5 cm..

Che

2011-10-13T10:47:00.000-07:00
Masih kutipan dari Menunggu Layang Layang oleh Dewi Lestari.

Namaku Christian, tapi Starla dengan seenaknya selalu memanggilku Che.Dan aku, seperti biasa, tidak pernah bisa melawan.

“Aku… memang segitu takutnya… segitu nggak percayanya…. tapi, aku sekarat tanpa kamu.” – Che.

"Hubunganku dengan Starla ibarat ritual minum jamu pahit yang ditutup dengan segelas mungil air gula. Ketidak cocokan yang justru berujung pada persahabatan karib." - Che

Menunggu Layang Layang

2011-10-13T10:28:00.000-07:00
Cuplikan kata kata dari Menunggu Layang Layang oleh Dee Lestari.

‎"Kamu benar. Ternyata kita sama, Che. Aku dan kamu sama-sama manusia kesepian. Bedanya, aku mencari. Kamu menunggu." - Starla (Menunggu Layang-Layang)

"Aku ingin jadi layang-layang.. Layang-layang itu bebas di langit. Tapi tetap ada benang yang mengikatnya di bumi." - Starla (Menunggu Layang-Layang)

‎"..Kamu takut sama spontanitas. Kamu takut lepas kendali. Kamu ingin cinta, tapi takut jatuh cinta. But you know what ? Kadang-kadang kamu harus terjun dan jadi basah untuk tahu air, Che. Bukan cuma nonton di pinggir dan berharap kecipratan." - Starla (Menunggu Layang-Layang, 150)

Surrender

2011-10-13T09:42:00.000-07:00
Aku melihat diriku menyanyikan lagu ini, tahun tahun kedepannya, meskipun aku tak pernah tau masa depan.
Tapi aku melihatku menyenandungkan ini.
Lagu masa depan.
Dan lagu masa kini.

Surrender berarti menyerah.Bisa juga berarti pasrah.Aku artikan saja sebagai ikhlas.

Surrender..by Float.

Life'll only be crazy as it's always been
Wake up early, stay up late, having debts
Things won't be as easy as it often seems
And yet you want me
This cliché's killing me
Still I need more I need more
This I’ve never thought before

Chi trova un amico, trova un tesoro*
We can look for many other foreign lines to make me survive your love
You said "To the future we surrender.
Let's just celebrate today, tomorrow's too far away.
What keeps you waiting to love?
Isn't this what you've been dreaming of?"

Life's to live and love's to love

Sundays will be empty as it's always been
Watching TV, wake up late, playing dead
Mondays won't be easy with no plans and schemes
Now that you’re still here
The silence shouts it clear
You’re still here
The silence shouts it clear

To the future we surrender
Life's to live and love's to love
To the future we surrender
Life's to live and love's to love

Everyone wants to be found

2011-10-09T03:44:00.000-07:00

Everyone wants to be found.Semua orang ingin ditemukan.Or maybe, I better say: everyone wants to be saved.Diselamatkan.
Found where? Saved from what? Right? That's the question, and I would answer:Ditemukan in the darkest place, the dull daily living and saved from loneliness, emptiness, and boredom.

I love to fed myself with depressed books and movies.This time, I 'indulge' myself with Lost in Translation.Lost in Translation was talked by movies freak as one of the greatest movie ever made.The director? none other than the quirky awesome Sofia Coppola.'Everyone wants to be found' is the tagline of the movie.Why? Because the movie (starring Bill Murray and the gorgeous Scarlet Johannsonn) explores themes of loneliness, alienation, insomnia, ennui, and culture shock.Sounds like themes I'm familiar with right? That's why I pick this movie (I was thinking about watching Blueberry Nights).

I'm not a great reviewer, furthermore, I get bored watching a movies.In brief, I'm not a movies freak, instead of reviewing, I will blabber about my thoughts after I watched the movie.

Here I'll cited the plot of the movie from Wiki: Bob Harris (Bill Murray), an aging American movie star, arrives in Tokyo to film an advertisement for Suntory whisky, for which he will receive $2 million. Charlotte (Scarlett Johansson), a young recent Yale graduate, is left behind in her hotel room by her husband, John (Giovanni Ribisi), a celebrity photographer on assignment in Tokyo. Charlotte is unsure of her present and her future and about the man she has married as she believes he takes more interest in his celebrity models, most notably a young and popular American actress named Kelly (Anna Faris), than he does in her. At the same time, Bob's own 25-year marriage is tired and lacking in romance as he goes through a midlife crisis.

I love movies and books, in which I can relate.I can relate my life with this movie in the sense of the 'ennui'.Ennui is a french words, derivated to English which means restlessness, melancholia state, caused by boredom or routinity.Commonly found in people who lives in a big sparkly but depressing city such as Tokyo, Jakarta, or New York.I'm myself, is feeling ennui.BUt then again, I was saved and found, just like I've previously mentioned in my old posting..everyone needs someone or something that can sparks up their life, everyone needs to be found..they need to be reminded that..hey, life's great! Someone has come to me and offers me the greatness of life in the most profound and beautiful way.But the problem is, my someone might not stay forever, your someone might not stay forever too. So what is the everlasting cure for ennui? I have to say..God and your faith to whatever you believe in.

I'm living the 'life', I'm majoring in my dream major, embracing my passion, having someone whom I deeply loved yet I still feel empty.Why? because I forgot to embrace the most powerful force in the universe..No matter how happy you are, if you're not guided by 'that' light, You will never be found.I have my way to be 'eternally found' but I hide away..I'm not ready for such powerful force. Lesson to you reader and if I can give a little tips..don't be a coward like me, no one will save you better than Him.

'Earth'-Shattering

2011-10-06T19:52:00.000-07:00
Yes, I’ve stated before that I do not like Model United Nations (MUN) but yet I managed to participated in another MUN conference from October 1st to October 5th 2011 at the magnificent Perpustakaan Pusat UI.It was Indonesia Model United Nations or commonly known as IMUN 2011.A Model United Nations held by Faculty of Political Science Universitas Indonesia.

Yes, you are right, every time I said I do not like something, I eventually like it.Example..I said I loathe lotek (Jogja’s gado gado) but now? I eat it almost every lunch break.I said I do not like Sundanese, but I like Sinta(Yes the Keong Racun Sinta Jojo).
This time, IMUN was actually a very fun and intense conference, Why? You’ll find out in the next post.But, before I get to the how conference went, I want to talk about the seminar before the conference.It was one of many inspiring and earth-shaterring seminar I’ve ever been.The speaker was Nadine Zamira Sjarief, Miss Earth 2009 and also an alumnus of International Relations UI, the other speaker was Butet Manurung, a founder of Sokola Rimba.

Miss Earth and Sokola Rimba.Two keywords why I find this seminar’s very inspiring, at least for me.Earth, nature, rimba, indigenous people, education, environment, contemporary issues in International Relations all merged in one..my passion..environment and education.I corrected what I said before, I want to be a diplomat, a diplomat who represents Indonesia in UN, talking about environment sustainability and educational reformation.The seminar opens my eyes to a prospective future, gives me hints about “what should you do after you graduate Chos?”

Miss Nadine with her eco-friendly smart car
Brief explanation about the seminar.Nadine Zamira’s passion are nature and environment, she said if you love something so much it’s just comes out natural if you want to protect that thing you love so much.Miss Nadine here, loves earth very much and she wants to protect it from greedy human being that keep exploitating the mother nature.She’s incredibly gorgeous and also smart, so she entered Miss Earth beauty pageant and of course she won.She pursues her passion, and I highly respect that kind of person.She said she is an enviromentalist.I would love to be an enviromentalist too, if I have money I’d probably dump Ichuel by now and use a hybrid car or if Jogja isn’t too hot I would ride my bicycle everywhere.There will come a time when I will devoted my life to nature just like the gorgeous Miss Nadine.

Butet Manurung teaching kids from Suku Anak Dalam Jambi
The second speaker, even more jaw-dropping, the kind of devotion she has, is what I wanted.Guess who she is and what she does? She is Butet Manurung, the founder of Sokola Rimba.What she does? LEGENDARY. She serves and assists education for indigenous and marginalized community. With learning methods of quickly reading-writing, she tries to reach communities in Indonesia which have not been accessed by formal education, assist, and share knowledge or life-skills in order to face their daily real-life problem.LEGENDARY RIGHT? Educating alone is an extremely awesome thing to do, plus educating indigenous people in NATURE? …. I have no words to explain the awesomeness.Why is it so jaw-dropping? Because you know, no one fights for the indigenous people and they have no idea that their home, their surrounding environment has been exploitated by irresponsible people.Indigenous people live far off the community, who the hell wants to go there? Furthermore teaching them.open up their mind and tell them to fight for their rights? Only a person with a really big heart and big passion could do that.And here she is, Butet Manurung..God, she’s almost as awesome as Barney Stinson.

People might question, what is the connection between environmental issues and education issues to International Relations, the major I’m currently taking ?.There are HUGE connection between it.Environmental and education issues are one of the most common issues talked in UN conference, spread by NGOs, one of the main concern of people throughout the world.I do not need to start why environment and education are important right? I bet you all know.

I’m very thrilled with the seminar held by Indonesia MUN 2011, you guys have reminded me again that IR isn’t just about peace, security, politics, and stuff like that, we have minor issues that could change the world so much in a better way.Imagine the world with educated people and a green scenery? Heaven right? Thank you Indonesia Model United Nations for giving me chance to be participant and experienced the seminar that I believe, will change my life.

Pandji Pragiwaksono once said in his book Nasional.is.me : Kenali Indonesia-mu, temukan passion-mu, dan berkaryalah untuk masa depan Bangsamu.

Kaliurang di Malam Hari

2011-09-29T05:27:00.000-07:00
Setelah berminggu minggu yang membosankan dalam kehidupan saya akhirnya ada satu cerita yang sedikit membuat saya bersemangat.Setidaknya berhasil membuat saya tersenyum, tersenyum dari hati.Bukan hanya tertawa karena lelucon di San Siro atau celaan celaan saya kepada orang yang lalu lalang di kampus.

Kemarin malam tanggal 28 September 2011, malam yang biasa biasa saja di Kaliurang.Kaliurang adalah Kaliurang, dengan dinginnya udara Jogja, hilir mudik kendaraan, Kaliurang tidak pernah mati, sama seperti semangat sebagian mahasiswa di Yogyakarta.Iya sebagian, saya bukan bagian dari semangat itu.Hidup saya sedang membosankan.Saya berjalan dari Platinum untuk beli makan di RM Padang dekat situ, saya berjalan dengan tatapan nanar karena sungguh kehidupan saya sedang sangat membosankan.Saya sibuk dengan handphone saya, mengeluhkan layarnya yang tergores dan body nya yang cacat sana sini karena terlalu sering jatuh.Tiba tiba saya terhentikan oleh seorang ibu ibu berjaket tebal, dengan muka yang terlihat sangat capek, bahkan lebih capek dari saya yang mahasiswa dengan tugas yang menumpuk di minggu ini.Saya tersenyum sebagai formalitas, atau karena saya adalah salah satu dari sekian banyak orang yang sejujurnya merasa senang apabila ada orang tidak saya kenal tersenyum pada saya di jalan.Saya merasa sama sama seperti manusia.

Ibu itu lalu membuka helm motornya dan berkata kepada saya,"De, boleh pinjam uang 5800 rupiah untuk beli obat untuk ibu saya.Saya tinggal di Pakem (Pakem itu di Kaliurang atas hampir dekat Merapi), mau beli obat tapi uang saya kurang 5800"

5800...Bahkan saya makan di burjo aja hampir 10000, dan ibu ini meminta 5800, manusia normal manapun pasti akan memberikan dengan sukarela.Alhamdulillah saya masih normal, saya berikan uang saya dan saya berbasa basi sedikit.Luar biasa sekali efek uang dengan nominal segitu untuk beberapa orang.Si ibu langsung menghujani saya dengan berbagai terimakasih dan dengan kalimat yang sangat saya butuhkan
"Semoga ade di mudahkan segala urusannya seperti ade memudahkan saya ya"

Amin bu.Semoga urusan saya benar benar dimudahkan.Saya butuh itu.Sangat butuh.Terutama disaat saat seperti ini.

Si ibu dengan sukarela menawarkan mengantarkan saya ke RM Padang dan saya dengan tidak tau dirinya mengiyakan ajakannya sembari basa basi.

Bermalam malam saya lalui di Kaliurang, baru kali ini saya merasakan seperti didatangi seorang malaikat in disguise dan...disaat yang tepat pula.

Most of the important things in the world have been accomplished by people who have kept on trying when there seemed to be no hope at all-Dale Carnegie

Puteri dan Ksatria

2011-09-18T05:03:00.000-07:00
Ada satu planet.Tidak usah besar-besar.Cukup sebesar Gili Terawangan.Ada pantai seindah foto kalender.Ada gunung salju.Ada taman tropis yang besar.Ada sungai dan air tersju.Ada satu rumah yang cukup besar untuk ia dan Re tidak merasa bosan, dan bisa bercinta dimana mama.Tidak ada lagi sandiwara.Tidak ada lagi keinginan orang banyak.Tidak ada lagi tradisi yang mengungkung.

Itulah nirwananya.Gambaran yang telah lama hilang dan dihadirkan lagi begitu saja oleh mahluk bernama Ferre.Ferre adalah sejenis alien yang suatu hari muntah dari langit, lalu menyadarkan dirinya betapa sumpek dan membosankan bumi yang ia tinggali ini.Sayangnya Rana tidak terlalu yakin apakah sanggup pindah ke planet itu, di atas begitu banyak kekecewaan orang lain.Namun ia juga lelah kembali ke jalan buntu alam mimpinya.

Ksatria

2011-09-18T04:43:00.000-07:00
Rana sedang keluar meliput.Maka terciptalah percakapan itu - yang cukup sepuluh menit - tapi bisa mengantar Re tidur tersenyum sampai pagi.

"How's it going dear? Kamu senang senang dong bisa ketemu banyak artis," Re mengolok.
"Jangan mengejek.Kamu tahu aku paling malas disuruh meliput ajang anugerah semacam ini, tapi sekarang memang lain cerita."
"Oh ya? Berhasil bertemu dengan seseorang yang menarik? Among bunch of airheads?" Re tambah mengolok.
"Kalau soal itu sih jawabannya pasti tidak," Rana tertawa manja, "tapi di acara seperti ini aku kan bisa santai, jadi penonton, bisa telepon kamu..."
Mendengarnya Re tertohok.Telepon kekasih sebelum tidur - betapa mahal dan kompleksnya kesempatan itu.Harus menunggu satu ajang akbar dan persetujuan rapat redaksi.Harga dirinya kembali tergigit.Kepahitan pun merambah naik seperti bisa ular.

[ Ini keterlaluan! Mengapa harus begini? Mengapa harus kamu, Rana? Mengapa harus aku? Mengapa perasaan ini? Perasaan sesat! Irasional! Racun! ]

Re setengah mati menekan kata kata ini untuk tidak keluar.Kata kata yang selalu bermunculan namun ia bendung hanya karena tidak mau Rana sakit hati.BUkankah ia sudah cukup menderita?

[ Ya."Menderita".Dia punya semuanya.Seorang suami yang harus dipertahankan demi stabilitas status sosial, dan seorang kekasih gelap yang mencintainya setengah mampus ]

[ Sepasang sepatu mentereng yang sakit kalau dipakai dan sepasang sepatu tua nyaman yang setia ]

[ Kabarmu sendiri bagaimana, Sepatu tua? Senangkah kau disana? Di gudang gelap yang hanya dibuka sekali sekali dan dilihat kalau ada kesempatan? ]

Re tak tahu cara menyarungkan pedang pedang tajam itu.Teroris teroris dalam otaknya.
Sementara Rana masih terus berbicara dengan suara cerita "Dan tahu nggak, tadi semua orang menyangka aku sedang berbicara dengan Arwin di telepon.Mereka begitu yakin itu dia, saking suaraku terlalu mesra katanya..Ha ha ha."

Ajarkan aku menjadi naif.
Senaif dirimu yang masih bisa tertawa.
Senaif kebahagiaan di alam kita berdua.
Karena setiap detik di kala kenyataan mulai bersinggungan,
Aku rasakan sakit yang nyaris tak tertahankan.Atau ajarkan aku menjadi penipu,
Apabila ternyata kau merasakan sakit itu dalam tawamu.

"Itu tidak lucu, Puteri," balas Re dingin.
Tawa Rana membeku seketika. "Re..aku ingin sekali berteriak, bahwa itu kamu.Dan bukan Arwin.Itu kamu..kamu.." suaranya kian mengecil.Dan kata 'kamu' masih terus bersambung di dalam hati.
Re sendiri cuma bisa diam.Menyesali beta banyak keterbatasan yang ia miliki; takdir, nasib, suratan.Ia teramat geram.

Aku letih, Puteri.

Malam itu Re batal tidur sambil tersenyum.Malah terjaga dalam kamar kerja, menghadapi carikan-carikan kertasnya.Berusaha memunguti lagi cintanya yang berantakan.Mencoba merasakan kembali puncak puncak khayangannya dengan Rana.Dan terhibur sendiri dengan ketabahannya yang tak masuk akal.Re, dalam simulakrum, benteng terakhirnya dalam pertempuran batin ini.

Ksatria dan Putri

2011-09-18T04:26:00.000-07:00
Chapter 14; Halaman 96

Sebesar Cinta itu Sendiri

Hari ini Rana berulang tahun.Sementara suaminya, kontraktor yang sedang mengerjakan proyek masjid raya di Surabaya itu, tidak ada di rumah.Namun Re tidak melihatnya sebagai satu peristiwa yang membuat hari indah.Justru sebaliknya, ia merasa tidak karuan sekarang. Konsentrasinya berantakan.

Rana akan mengadakan pesta kecil di rumahnya nanti malam, dan ia mengundang Re datang.Mentah mentah, Re menolak, kendati ia menyampaikannya dengan halus.

"Re, itu cuma acara biasa.Bakal ada puluhan orang lain juga di sana.Jadi apa salahnya sih?" tanya Rana memelas.
"Tidak ada yang salah, Puteri.Tapi aku tetap tidak bisa."
"Justru aku ingin kasih lihat kalau kita berteman.Semua orang juga sudah tahu itu. Jadi kamu nggak usah paranoid begitu dong," Bujuk Rana lagi.
"Aku bukannya paranoid."
"Kalau kamu canggung, ajak saja Ale..."
"Bukan itu masalahnya," kali ini Re spontan tertawa.Ale bisa mengikatnya ke tiang listrik kalau tahu ia akan pergi kerumah Rana.
"Kamu ini, jangankan masuk, mengantarkan saya pulang ke depan rumah saja nggak pernah mau.Padahal saya kan tahu tempat tinggal kamu.Apa salahnya kamu tahu tempat tinggal sehari hari saya itu seperti apa?" Rana merajuk manja.
"Tidak bisa kamu samakan, Puteri," sergahnya halus.
"Apanya yang tidak bisa?"
"Kadang kadang kamu memang terlalu naif"
"Datang ya?"
Re diam.
"Pleaseeeeeee"
"Aku usahakan.Tidak janji, tapi aku usahakan."

Di jalan itu ada sebuah mobil yang berhenti dengan aneh.Selain posisi berhentinya yang serampangan - antara mau belok dan tidak - mobil itu pun sudah berhenti di sana lebih dari setengah jam.
Ada Re di dalamnya, menatap jalanan itu dengan resah.
Ia yakin, Rana akan mencak-mencak kalau tahu ia tidak datang hanya karena...karena..Re menjatuhkan kepalanya ke atas kemudi.Karena cemburu.Kecemburuan aneh yang hanya ia mengerti sendiri.

Sejenak Re mengangkat matanya dan melirik ke jalan itu sekali lagi.Mobil mobil banyak yang mulai datang.Rumah Rana pasti salah satu dari jajaran rumah itu.Kekasihnya begitu dekat secara nyata, bukan lagi di alam simulakrum.Paling paling cuma dua atau tigapuluh langkah berjalan kaki, namun bergerak seinci pun Re tak bisa.

Tak kan kuhadirkan kaki ke sana.Tak kan pula kuhadapkan mataku untuk melihatnya.Aku akan dirasuki jutaan imaji mengenai dirimu dengannya.Bagaimana kalian makan bersama, atau bercinta diatas meja.Dan betapa seharusnya engkau tidak di sana.Maaf, saya sedang tidak berselera untuk disiksa.

Re menyalakan mesin mobilnya.Pergi tanpa ragu lagi,

Rasa memiliki itu hidup seperti sel.Semula satu dan kemudian terpecah jadi seribu satu.Dan aku menyimpan sel-sel yang sangat sehat, Puteri.Ia akan terpecah di luar kendali cinta itu sendiri,Sel ini terus bertambah dan merambah.Mereka hidup melingkari kita, semenjak kita saling mencinta.Suka tak suka.

We are the people

2011-07-26T00:14:00.000-07:00

This one top-notch question had been sitting in my mind ever since I started my day as a collegian : when I’m fully grown and developed to find a job and make my own money, will I serve my country or will I fly away to another country and live life like an expatriate? I’ll live a decent and adequate life whether I work in Indonesia or whether I work abroad but I surely will live ‘more’ extravagant life if I live abroad.Why? well, just look at the expatriate(s) who live in Indonesia, who go to the finest bar and restaurant around the town? Who buy the branded clothes and drive the exquisite imported car around town? Who? Indonesian? Well yeah like tiny bit percent of it, most of those white-collar are expatriate(s) or remarkably rich Indonesian who work for ‘foreign’ company.

But something isn’t quite right.I have my plan to live like an expatriate, fly away from Indonesia, leaving this country behind and fulfill my own selfish needs, I want to live in New York, work for a company there, Goliath National Bank if it doest exist hahaha, go to bar, have fun, drink up, suit up, live like Barney Stinson.

In contrary though..

My role model is Soe Hok Gie.A socialist nationalist who fought for his country, who cared about his country and want to bring his country into a better developed country.
My university, the place where I pursue my bachelor degree now, is Universitas Gadjah Mada, Kampus Kerakyatan, famous for it’s humble atmosphere and alumnus.Most of UGM alumnus are those people who also fight for Indonesia, who try to bring Indonesia to be a much better country.
My role model and my university…they do not want to fly away.They want to stay, they’re anchored to Indonesia, they’re determined to make this country better, they are optimistic that Indonesia..can be better.

While I am? For some quiet moment in the night, I give up in Indonesia, while overheard suara abang abang Sari Roti disela sela percakapan Nazaruddin, I give up in Indonesia. When I knew that Gayus watched tennis match in Bali, I give up in Indonesia, while the DPR were on their “Studi Banding”, I give up in Indonesia, while the police asked me for bribery, I give up in Indonesia.
And one more contrary.I’m quite active in youth movement organization such as Organisasi Sosial Kau dan Aku and Future Minds who are also optimistic in bringing brighter future for Indonesia.

My needs and the reality I’m living in is a big mess of contradictory.

And then as usual, I seek for some comments from my closest friend.At first I asked Aya, she somehow always give me some logical answer if she’s sane enough dan lagi gak gengges (try to be like that all the time ya Aya kalo gamau gue bully terus). She then told me something that shot me right away.

“Kontradiktif dong ya dengan concern kecosi sama pendidikan buat kasih influence bagus untuk generasi muda, tapi kecosinya sendiri pesimis sama masa depan negara”

At the same moment I was also seeking advice from mi other half, Dei.And as usual, she seems to know me more than anyone else, she even seems to know me more than I know myself.
“Kamu tuh cinta Indonesia tapi lebih cinta diri sendiri”

Lalu I got back to Aya and said what Dei has said to me lalu Aya bilang
“Good point.Iyalah visinya kecosi yang tadinya mau cari duit buat dedikasiin bangun Indonesia jadinya ternyata buat leha leha”

And then after a fine session of discussion with both of them I came to a conclusion: I just became selfish along the way of climbing my mountain.I just became too exposed by the glamour life of Jakarta, so intrigued by filthy rich people who drive around with the finest car in the finest suit going to the finest restaurant.
I want to live luxurious.But not now, not in the moment, no.I want to be rich, because I want to bring Indonesia into a better country with a brighter future with a golden kids around, we educated people, we grow billion of Habibie and Bung Hatta around archipelago, we’ll live an Utopian world.Right here, in Indonesia.

My soul is in torment, I cant deny that I want to live luxurious and be selfish, just fly away from Indonesia..but deep down inside, I want to be Soe Hok Gie, I want to be Bung Hatta, I want to be Soekarno, I want to bring Indonesia to golden era. That’s why even though I am not your picture perfect of mahasiswa UGM, gue masih ngotot masuk UGM, so I’ll keep sane, coba gue masuk UI, bisa lupa kalo gue org Indonesia, udah ngaku ngaku org Amerika by now.
Keep sane Chos, although you're dying to be American, you..are..not..look at your skin color, you’re a Brasilian….slash…Indonesian.

And here's the song to go for.

Empire of the Sun - We Are the People
We can remember swimming in December
Heading for the city lights in 1975
We share in each other
Nearer than father
The scent of a lemon drips from your eyes

We are the people that rule the world
A force running in every boy and girl
All rejoicing in the world
Take me now, we can try

We lived an adventure
Love in the summer
Followed the sun until night
Reminiscing other times of life
For each every other
The feeling was stronger
The shock hit eleven, got lost in your eyes

I can't do well when I think you're going to leave me
But I know I try
Are you going to leave me now?
Can't you be believing now

Can you remember and humanize
It was still where we'd energized
Lie in the sand and visualize
Like it's '75 again

I know everything about you
You know everything about me
Know everything about us

When five fell

2011-07-18T23:57:00.000-07:00

Ever heard of Wong Fu Productions? This is one of their short movie and by far is my favorite.About five household objects who fell in love with their owner.The five household objects represent 5 human sense: sight, hearing, touch, smell, and taste.This is actually an unconventional way to tell story about human relationship..about people who fall in and fall out love, about being neglected and forgotten.So here's the summary..

The morning, is when she lingers. It’s before the world wants anything from her. And that’s when she’s most beautiful. It’s true not many saw her like that. But I can’t say I was the only one. Even though we each had our own beginnings, mornings like this, were shared between two of us.

She used to tell people, that it was like, the world was drawn with a dull piece of charcoal. That was before me. Now that she sees things my way, everything makes a little more sense. This is me. If I’m meant for anything, it’s to show her the world. Is that so bad?

A quiet morning, like the many before it, calm, comfortable. But comfort can be terribly blinding. The difference between this particular morning, is in a call.

She smiles. For who? I can’t see anymore.

She tells me she’s wants to be a raindrop. She doesn’t mind falling, as long as she’s not alone. And raindrops, are never alone. She always has a new story to tell me. Today, it’s about being a raindrop.

I wish I could’ve been here. Because stories aren’t always enough. And words, can only go so far.

This is me. Sometimes I still wonder if she’s still talking to me. Or if I’m just eavesdropping. It used to be everyday. Sometimes for hours, sometimes for minutes. Healthy relationships are based on communication. But her words, however sweet and real, sound so distant. Now, they flow pass me effortlessly. As if, they were meant for someone else.

She must know what she does to me. Her every touch, every time she holds my hand, every time she holds me close.This is me. If you hold my hand, I’ll be yours forever. A simple promise. That’s all I can offer. Is it enough? It may be too late for me. It may be too late.

Anyone would give in from a distance. A stranger can look from a distance, what’s so special about that? But to know her scent, means something else. It means, we’ve been close. Closer than anyone else. I dare say I’m lucky. But when she doesn’t want me, when she’s away, and it’s just her scent with me, I can only feel forgotten. This is me, left behind. Am I the stranger now?

There are those nights, when it’s just the two of us. When she softly hides in her own thoughts. And only one thing seems to melt the cold silence. A kiss. This is me. Ask me what the perfect day tastes like, and I’ll say, her lips. She was my first kiss. It has to mean something. Something sure and true. Because the taste of a pure kiss, can’t be sure. It’s the dreadfully romantic idea. That there can be only one. The question is, am I her only one? I’m afraid the truth will break me. But her kiss is convincing. I’m not her only one.

She said she wanted to be a raindrop. And today, it finally broke us. She had found her own to fall with. Her own to fall for. Today, she was a raindrop.

And I came to conclusion the day I fear the most is..when you become a raindrop.

Honorable chair and fellow delegates

2011-06-28T06:24:00.000-07:00

According to dictionary, diplomat is someone who represents a country or someone who can communicate to people in an effective and sensitive way.Yes, i did bold ‘effective’ and ‘sensitive’.From the definition, i have lost my chance to even jokingly call myself a diplomat.I do not communicate to people in an effective way, I tend to talk too much.First rule of diplomat, my lecturer Mr.Samsu Rizal Panggabean once said: Semua yang dikatakan adalah benar, tapi tidak semua yang benar harus dikatakan.I’m a blabbermouth, big chance of nepotism, i’m that type of person who trust people easily and tell all secrets i know to someone i really trust.I do favoritism.Subjective indeed.Secondly, I certainly do not talk in a sensitive way, I’ve hurt people in my speeches (ask those who are close to me, they know what i mean).

I was never sure that i want to be a so called diplomat after I found out the criteria to be a diplomat.Even though everytime i mention my major to someone, they would likely to say : Oh hey! Calon diplomat ya! Atau oh hey! Calon duta besar nih.But well, one of the career that pops up in my head when I choose Hubungan Internasional to be my major is indeed to be a diplomat or an ambassador of Indonesia in some cool countries.It did hurt me when I know i didn’t meet a requirement to be a diplomat.Yes, i do not meet the requirement to be someone who representing Indonesia in those cool dome in New York City, the United Nations epic building.

During the first week of my holiday though, I entered Jakarta Model United Nations because I was curious and i never thought i would pass the qualification.I’ve never enter any MUN before, i only did some kind of MUN during Ospek Jurusan last year.Having experienced MUN, I’m getting more sure this is aint my career.I’m lacking of international issues knowledge (which is ironic because I’m supposedly care, after all i major in International Relations).I’m shallow, I don’t get it why people are discussing about how to overthrown Mugabe’s regime and bring him to International Criminal Court.Why can’t we just send some UN peacekeeping troops, gives aid to Zimbabwe’s citizen, help the refugees, providing them with knowledges of how good government should be like.Mostly at the committee session, I stay quiet, not knowing what to say, as i stated before i’m lacking in knowledges about international organization in the world and their mechanism and so on.(By the way, I’m representing Republic of Honduras in General Assembly.The topic area is about Zimbabwe’s oppression and Sudan Partition in which Honduras doesn’t get affected directly).And yes dear reader, I’m writing this post during lunch break of Jakarta MUN.People around me are talking ‘diplomatically’ about how they should solve this problem and bla bla bla and I’m here, sitting in the floor with apathy.I don’t care anymore.I’m doing this for certificate, see how shallow i am? MUN is clearly not suited for me, but at least as a collegian majoring in IR, i’ve to experience this, maybe this is to make sure whether i still want to be a diplomat or not.

But readers, do you know something? According to my Diplomacy class in 1st semester, being a diplomat is not only representing your country in UN, or working in an embassy abroad.If you work for an NGO and fighting for your cause abroad, you’re a diplomat.If you’re a businessman working for an international corporation, you’re a diplomat.If you’re a dancer and you mostly perform the art of your country aboard, you’re also a diplomat! The definition of diplomat itself is broad readers, as a matter of fact i might still be a diplomat someday.
I do not need to memorize all the UN articles, I do not need to memorize the mechanism of some UN bodies, I do not need to be that kind of person who speaks in front of other distinguished delegates and honorable chair and persuadely tell them the stance of my country and I can still be a diplomat. After all if you’re an IR kids, you’re either end up as an academician, journalist, international businessman, local politician, or yep..diplomat. (Amin, this is curhatan and also a prayer)

Giving the gift of a future!

2011-05-30T02:39:00.000-07:00
Ever since I moved out to Jogja to pursue my college degree, contributing in youth-based NGO has been one of my priority.There are lot of organizations in Jogja.As Kota Pelajar, dominated by collegians, Jogja gives a lot of opportunities to take and participate in good cause.There are Forum for Indonesia, Indonesian Future Leaders Yogyakarta, Organisasi Sosial Kau dan Aku, Komunitas Cemara, and etc.

Previously, I joined Organisasi Sosial Kau dan Aku (OSKA) whose main program now is helping kids with cancer in RS Sardjito to get blood donators.And then one fine morning while I walked down in Sunday Morning UGM, I encountered a garage sale held by Future Minds...and here's my story with Future Minds..

Future Minds held a recruitment weeks, they were looking for new volunteer and specifically looking for a photographer and media designer.Their cause is educational cause, and their vision and mission has fascinate and excite me ever since my first encounter with them in SunMor.So, I decided to send my CV to them and I was accepted, Alhamdulillah :D

You probably wondering, what's so fascinating about Future Minds? Why, out of all other NGOS I choose Future Minds? Well..they're working in education emporwement for kids who wants to pursue their education but do not have enough funding to pursue it.This is what attracts me, living for 18 years and receiving a decent education, I know the joy of knowledges is very thrilling and I know not all kids in Indonesia can taste descent education like me.Whereas, education should be for everyone and world change starts with educated children.Imagine those bright young futures, those talented kids, their knowledges, their energy aren't explored well just because lack of funding.

Further information of Future Minds here: http://futuremindsfoundation.org or you can just ask me!

Facts about Future Minds:
-FMF pertama kali dirintis pada Januari 2010, oleh seorang alumni UGM, Annisa Melissa Manurung. Kegiatan sosial dan pendidikan adalah dua dari passion Annisa, dan salah satu cita-cita masa kecilnya adalah untuk mendedikasikan hidupnya untuk memperbaiki pendidikan di Indonesia dan memberikan anak-anak Indonesia yang kurang beruntung kesempatan untuk menikmati pendidikan dasar. Saat sedang menempuh studinya di Belanda di tahun 2010, Annisa memutuskan untuk tidak menunda-nunda mimpinya lebih jauh lagi, dan mendirikan FMF.
-Pada awalnya, FMF hanya memiliki kurang dari lima anggota aktif dan sepuluh anak asuh. Dengan bantuan dari beberapa tokoh sosial Yogyakarta, FMF pun mulai dibangun dan dibentuk.
-FMF memiliki anggota di 3 lokasi lain – Belanda (Rotterdam), Jepang (Tokyo), dan UK (Wolverhampton).Pusatnya tetap di Yogyakarta.

Apa beda FMF dengan program beasiswa serupa?
􏰀Berbeda dengan kebanyakan program orang tua asuh, setiap Rupiah yang diberikan oleh sponsor akan digunakan untuk anak asuhnya. Kebanyakan program orang tua asuh hanya mengalokasikan sekitar 70 – 80% dari sumbangan orang tua asuh untuk pendidikan anak asuhnya, dan selebihnya digunakan untuk biaya operasional yayasan. Walaupun hal ini seringkali diperlukan di yayasan berskala besar, FMF percaya bahwa hal ini mengurangi transparansi dari yayasan tersebut. Oleh
karena itu, FMF berkomitmen bahwa 100% dari donasi sponsor digunakan untuk pendidikan anak asuhnya. Untuk biaya operasional, FMF mengadakan penggalangan dana terpisah.

􏰀Bantuan kami tidak hanya bersifat finansial, karena kami sadar dukungan finansial bukanlah satu- satunya hal yang diperlukan anak-anak asuh kami untuk maju. Sejak akhir 2010, kami memulai program Empowerment kami, yang bertujuan memberikan dukungan moral dan menyediakan program-program edukatif untuk anak-anak asuh kami. Kami berencana menggalakkan program Empowerment ini di tahun 2011, setelah Divisi Pemasaran dan Media dan Divisi Dana Usaha terbentuk, yang berarti Tim Survei dapat memfokuskan diri mereka kepada program Empowerment.

Here are some Media Promotion I created for Future Minds

Pertemuan Sela Nasional Mahasiswa Hubungan Internasional se Indonesia

2011-05-16T01:45:00.000-07:00
Pertemuan Sela Nasional Mahasiswa Hubungan Internasional se Indonesia (or known as PSNMHII) XXIII was my first experience of a huge conference attended by more than 100 kids majoring in International Relations from the very west is Universitas Riau and the very east is Universitas Udayana.It took place in Tawangmangu, a very beautiful place about 2 hours from Solo.It’s like Puncak for Jakarta.

If you’re wondering what PSNMHII is, let me give you a brief explanation.PSNMHII is an annual event held by one of the university yang tergabung di FKMHII (Forum Komunikasi Mahasiswa Hubungan Internasional Indonesia).PSNMHII takes place before the big event -> PNMHII (Pertemuan Nasional Mahasiswa Hubungan Internasional se Indonesia).This year host is Universitas Selamet Riyadi Surakarta (UNISRI).(They rock it out by the way)

I decided to be a delegation for Universitas Gadjah Mada this time, because I’m curious how it feels like to be in a big conference with other International Relations kids, I want to meet another IR kids, make friends, broaden my networking, expand my knowledges and most important : have fun :D , and the other thing is... actually I wanted to be a delegation for UGM in the previous PNMHII that took place in UNAS Jakarta but I think I wasn't prepared that time so I decided I wouldn't try.

I passed the qualification to be a delegation for UGM through my crappy essay (Thanks kak Christie sudah meloloskan padahal essay nya sampah).The other delegation from UGM were Kak Christie Afriani (Ka.Dept Hubeks KOMAHI UGM), Kak Lukman Baihaki (Ketua KOMAHI UGM), Kak Yuga Adhiswandaru (Ka.Dept Inkom KOMAHI UGM), Kak Febrian Perdana Putra/Bonge, dan 2010 nya ada Iqbal Zakky Hasbianto.

So let’s go through my experience! I departed from Jogja at 1.30 PM, taking Prambanan Ekspress train to Stasiun Solo Balapan.This is my first time going to Solo so I’m very psyched.From Stasiun Solo Balapan, we went to UNISRI and wait for the bus that would take us to the cottage where the event took place (Riverhill Tawangmangu).The first activity was welcome dinner, there were 22 university total, 20 are the permanent member of FKMHII and 2 other (Universitas Udayana Bali & Universitas Rispati Yogyakarta) are an observer who are willing to join FKMHII permanently.

In the welcome dinner, I acquainted kids from Universitas Airlangga Surabaya.And one of them was my high school (SMA Negeri 8 Jakarta) alumnus! We talked about a lot of things, from academic to informal little things.It’s very nice to know the story about other IR kids from different university.New perspectives and stories are always enchanthing.

Jump to the 2nd day! I had Seminar, talking about “Optimalisasi Potensi Daerah Sebagai Pendukung Kinerja Diplomasi Indonesia dalam Keketuaan ASEAN 2011”.There were 4 speakers: Mr.Haizirin Pohan (Former Ambassador), Mrs.Christy Damayanti (She was an alumnus of HI UGM), Mrs.Rina Iriani Sri Ratnaningsih (Regent of Karanganyar), and the last one is an entrepreneur but I seems to forget his name.Overall the speakers were great, they delivered the messages about optimalizing local potential very well.Personally, the most interesting topic was Mrs.Christy Damayanti’s topic.She was talking about Paradiplomacy as an unconventional way of diplomacy for local government.

The other agenda of the 2nd day was presentation from each province about their local potential and resources.Universitas Andalas Padang talked about Minang’s culture and it’s connection to diplomacy culture.Bandung Circle (Universitas Katholik Parahyangan, Universitas Padjajaran, Universitas Pasundan, Universitas Jendral Ahmad Yani) talked about Bandung’s potential as a tourist destination.Universitas Udayana talked to us about the purpose of Desa Budaya in Bali as a social control device.I love the presentation from Universitas Udayana, most likely because I’m a Balinese and I could totally relate to their presentation.I was a bit sleepy during this session though.

After the 2 session was done, I had some free time to just laid around, did nothing, socializing, walked around.I decided to socializing and walked around, the place was so beautiful I can’t miss a chance to explore it.I really recommend this place for those of you who loves mountain scenery, by the way, I haven’t told you Riverhill is very close to Mt.Lawu.

And then…jeng jeng! Here comes the main agenda of this whole event : Sidang Forum.It’s like Musyawarah Besar or Rapat Pleno where people argue for something simple like where you should put comma, or the systematic of the meeting..I mean… why’d you guys even arguing with tense feeling about something like this..but well arent we IR kids designed to be like this? Critical, analytical, and blah blah. We ought to analyze and criticize every single detail.Hoahm.I wouldnt lie, Sidang Forum was kinda boring.

And that’s all for the 1st and 2nd day. I’ll tell the story about the final day in my next post, this post is already too long.If I could summarize my story I would say….my favorite part is break time because that’s when I could socialize with people and that’s what I wanted to do.(Kya! Now I know who to contacts if I need a tour guide while visiting Sumatra Barat ><)

Some of the photos:

PSNMHII XXIII

Riverhill Tawangmangu

PresNas tiap KorWil

Delegasi Univ.Gadjah Mada

Sunday

2011-05-08T07:12:00.001-07:00
How long has it been since I talk about music in my blog? Feels like I've forgotten the joy that comes from music.I've been such a boring person, have I?

Well here is it now, one of many joy of music.. *drum roll drum roll* H U R T S

Hurts are a British synthpop duo from Manchester composed of singer Theo Hutchcraft (originally from Richmond in North Yorkshire) and synth player Adam Anderson.More about Hurts --> click here!

Well no need to say a lot, just watch their video right down here.I like almost all their song, but Sunday is my favorite one.Why? just check out the lyrics and you'll know why.My other favorite is their song, Stay.Very emotional song wrapped in a groovy music.

There are times when we question the things we know.
We never thought that the cracks would begin to show.
We both know love is not that easy,
I wish I'd known that it would be this hard
To be alone. Please, come home!

The loverless nights, they seem so long,
I know that I'll hold you someday.
But until you come back where you belong,
It's just another lonely Sunday.

Is this the end of the love that has just begun?
I always hope that the best, it was yet to come.
So please come back, don't you leave me
We're both so young, I know you need me too.
And there'll always be, times like these.

The loverless nights, they seem so long,
I know that I'll hold you someday.
But until you come back where you belong,
It's just another lonely Sunday.
Maybe we'll see that we were wrong,
If we ever look back one day
But till you come back where you belong
It's just another lonely Sunday.

Lonely. Lonely.
If you don't come back tomorrow,
I'll be left here in the cold,
If you don't come back tomorrow,
I'll go.

PS : While I write this, Hurts is performing in Bali. (This is what happen to late bloomers boo yah)
PS : Thanks UJG.Her musical taste is never wrong.Hahaha.Salam brengsek.

The simplest thing

2011-05-07T00:56:00.000-07:00
Sometimes human are too focused on chasing up big things, too busy doing something.Sometimes human act like they’re the busiest person in earth with a very hectic life.

I’m as human, also busy chasing up things..I chase up after things that I think would make me happy.I’m chasing after something in order to feel that pleasure that comes from accomplishing big things.It’s like I’m in a race that’s taken place in a beautiful mountainous area, I keep running and I forget to sit back and just relax, just for a second, to feel the beauty around me..to appreciate the simplest thing that actually makes me happier than my big accomplishment. It's the little moments that make life big.

I’m going to recall my fellow collegians posts.Dewiana Utami and Dodi Iswandi Mauliawan once wrote about simple things that makes them happy, in my posting today, I would also write about simple things that actually makes me happy, just simple things in my daily life that could bring teary eyes in me and makes me happy, things that makes me feel thankful. And here’s the list :
1.Ketika melihat merapi di pagi hari dengan awan awan cumulonimbus yang lucu
2.Ketika mendengarkan lagu lagu favorit yang ke shuffle secara tidak sengaja di iPod
3.Ketika melihat Ichuel yang bemper depannya resemble orang tersenyum(my dearest car ☺ )
4.Ketika mendapatkan bbm di pagi hari dari my most favorite person in the world yang berada 359 mil jauhnya dari saya
5.Ketika duduk di sansiro dibawah pohon pohon yang sangat adem, just talk about the simplest thing and laugh along dengan kerabat2 perantauan
6.Ketika melihat Yogyakata’s blue sky collapse setelah satu harian yang sangat panas
7.Ketika saya bisa makan enak di awal awal bulan dan tertawa miris ketika mendapati lagi lagi harus bersusah payah di tengah bulan
8.Ketika mendapat kunjungan dari mama yang berarti barang barang baru dan makan enak
9.Ketika melihat isi kulkas penuh dengan makanan :D
10.Ketika mendapati banyak anak HI sedang ada di platinum, entah mengerjakan apa
11.Ketika Skype saya mendapat panggilan lagi lagi dari my most favorite person in the world
12.Ketika mengerjakan tugas ditemani via Skype oleh my most favorite person in the world dan dia tidak berbicara apa apa, hanya tersenyum senyum kecil atau menggumamkan nyanyian2 random
13.Ketika menyetir malam malam di jalanan Jogja yang lampunya selalu temaram dan sendu
14.Ketika saya sedang tiduran di kosan malam malam, dibawah selimut, dan bbman ataupun menerima telfon dari my most favorite person in the world
15.Ketika dengan uang bulanan yang pas pasan saya masih bisa membeli buku di periplus
16.Ketika mendapat kabar bahwa saya bisa pulang ke Jakarta
17.Ketika bisa sepedaan pagi pagi atau sore sore bersama sobi

And the list goes on, simple things, but means so much to me..I guess my friend is right.Sometimes, I should just sit back and relax..it’s not only the destination that matters, it’s the process, and the journey.
And once again, I hope I could be more thankful with even the littlest thing.I should’ve realized that I’m blessed, and you guys are too :D

Inspired oleh postingan 'Dan hati ini tersenyum' by Dewiana Utami dan Dodi Iswandi Mauliawan

Americanized

2011-04-05T04:35:00.000-07:00
I just got back from Jakarta last week and I attended a US Higher Education Fair held by Access Education Beyond in cooperation with Sampoerna Foundation and US Embassy.My oldest sister wants me to continue my master in US, well I am myself already have a dream to continue my master in Groeningen University in Netherland.But take a look wouldnt hurt and if there's a slightest chance for me to go back to this land of dreams, I wouldnt say no, I would definitely go for it.

Taking a look at all the university stand and talking with these Americans waken up the unconscious part of my brain, where I stored my great American journey memories.And then after I went home, I took a bottle of my favorite soda, Mountain Dew and inhaled the sweet smell of it, I suddenly feel like I was in Utah once again, feeling the spring breeze, the chirping birds, laying down in the trampolin and staring at the beautiful sun.

I miss these :

Very unhealthy food indeed, but it's one hell of a pleasure to taste this heavenly stuff.I remember sitting in the cold bench, the summer breeze blowing my hair and I peacefully eat one or two bags of Doritos and Hot Cheetos while watching Mike playing baseball, or the kids (Harlie, JT, Macie, and Jett) running around and teasing each other.What a blissful sight.
I miss eating cookie dough while laying around in Jerry&Janet's couch, watching some movies while silently laughing at their silly and cute arguments about the movie, and then Dillon will come, trying to get our attention, looking for someone to pad him in the head and he'll be so happy he'll move his tail side to side.What a blissful moment.

I miss this sport.No I definitely do not play American Football, but I feel the euphoria.American Football is a Fall season sport, every school(s) are drowned in their desire to win the Highschool football championship.I miss wearing my school outfit, painting my face in blue and silver, drawing wolves in my cheek, howling like a hungry wolf, screaming : GO FREMONT GO! , I miss eating crappy hotdog and cheap soda while laughing along with my friends.What a joyful moment.

I miss this crazy store, I miss going from alley to alley.In a small town like Ogden, Walmart is an entertainment.I literally can find everything I want in here, from a simple soda and snack to a lightsaber ( I did buy a lightsaber but I gave it to JT).I wish we have Walmart in Indonesia, it's heaven, the God of hypermarket.

And the list of the things I miss go on and on and on...

Le Petite Prince

2011-03-13T07:57:00.000-07:00

I once watched a movie called Adam (Starring Hugh Dancy as Adam Raki and Rose Byrne as Beth Buchwald).About a lonely guy with Asperger Syndrome who encountered his new beautiful and caring neighbor, Beth, and fell in love.At the beginning of the movie, Beth narrated something like this :

“my favorite children book was about a little prince who came to earth from distant asteroid, he met a pilot whose plane crashed in a deserts.The little prince taught the pilot many things, but mainly about love.My father always told me that I was like the little prince.But, after I met Adam, I realized I was the pilot all along.”

The book Beth was talking about is an all time best seller children book by France author Antoine De Saint-Exupery, the title is : Le Petite Prince, or The Little Prince.It’s a classic children book, but I’ve never read it before, merely because of the cover (once again, as a reader, I failed, I shouldn't judge a book by it’s cover).The cover looks so childish and I think it’s just an ordinary children book about some lousy fairy tale with cheesy moral values.

The Little Prince

One night, while I slept over at Aya’s house, I came across this book and I was astounded by the content and the moral values of this book. My favorite part was when the Little Prince encountered the Fox and he learnt about being ‘tamed’. The conversation went like this..

“Come and play with me,” Said the Little Prince to the Fox.
The Fox answered,”I can’t play with you.I’m not tamed”
“What does tamed means?” Asked the Little Prince.
“To create ties, this is often neglected by the human beings” Answered the Fox.
The Fox continues, “For me you’re only a little boy just like a hundred thousand little boys.And I have no need of you.And you have no need of me, either.For you I’m only a fox just like a hundred thousand other foxes.But if you tame me, we’ll need each other.You’ll be the only boy in the world for me.I’ll be the only fox in the world for you”
“I’m beginning to understand.There’s a flower…I think she’s tamed me”

And then, after the Little Prince learnt about “tamed” from the Fox, there’s one sentence from him that blew me away and startled me.
“One couldn't die for you.Of course, an ordinary passerby would think that my rose looked just like you.But my rose, all on her own, is more important than all of you together, since she’s the one I’ve watered.Since she’s the one I put under glass.Since she’s the one I sheltered behind the screen.Since she’s the one for whom I killed caterpillars.Since she’s the one I listened to when she complained, or boasted , or even sometimes when she said nothing at all.Since she’s my rose” – The Little Prince to hundred roses in front of him.

Last night after I finished reading the Little Prince, I came to an understanding that you’ve tamed me.You’ve tamed the Lion in me.There’s a ties between us.And you know what? The Little Prince tamed the Stranded Pilot, and the Stranded Pilot was so so so sad when the Little Prince got back to his distant asteroid hometown.It’s as if, as if…the Little Prince took half oh the Stranded Pilot’s soul.

Tamed.What a word.

I..feel..you

2011-03-08T03:15:00.000-08:00

Snapshot from Japanese Anime Movie : Place Promised in Our Early Days.

Saatnya Melakukan Perubahan

2011-03-07T03:07:00.000-08:00

I…just Run! – Forrest Gump

Seratus orang tua dapat bermimpi, tetapi sepuluh anak muda dapat bermimpi..dan mewujudkannya.
Ada suatu quote yang berbunyi semacam itu, tapi aku lupa bagaimana quote yang sebenarnya.Tapi semacam itulah.Begitu banyak quotes quotes tentang keberanian untuk bermimpi dan mewujudkannya..semua quotes itu datang dari orang orang yang hebat, yang tidak pernah takut untuk bermimpi dan gagal berkali kali.Contoh paling gampangnya adalah tokoh integrasi African American, Martin Luther King Jr. yang waktu itu berpidato yang judulnya I have a dream.Dia memiliki mimpi bahwa suatu saat, African American di Amerika Serikat akan memiliki hak yang sejajar dengan orang kulit putih dan tidak ada lagi diskriminasi rasial…dan setelah melalui berbagai macam obstacles..akhirnya saat ini, African American people di Amerika Serikat bisa hidup layak dan sejahtera.

Mimpi, dan anak muda.Sebagai generasi muda, aku merasa aku memiliki begitu banyak mimpi, aku orang yang berani bermimpi dengan besar, aku tidak takut meraih mimpi mimpiku, aku menggantungkan mimpiku bukan di langit, the sky’s not my limit, my dreams are limitless..aku menggantungkan mimpiku di tempat tertinggi di alam semesta ini, jadi jikalau aku terbangun dari mimpi aku masih bisa jatuh ke awan, ke awan yang berlapis lapis dan tidak akan pernah menyentuh bumi.Mimpiku tidak akan pernah kandas.
Kali ini mimpiku adalah..menciptakan sebuah perubahan..aku ingin membawa perubahan yang positif untuk diriku, lalu orang orang di sekitarku, dari hal hal yang kecil lalu siapa yang tau kalau suatu saat aku bisa membawa perubahan yang positif juga untuk bangsa ku, siapa yang tau apabila suatu saat nanti aku dapat membawa bangsa Indonesia menjadi bangsa yang lebih baik lagi.

Ketika aku bermimpi, haruslah ada jalan untuk mencapai mimpiku itu, dan alam semesta mendengar impianku, alam semesta lalu mempertemukan aku dengan..OSKA. OSKA atau Organisasi Sosial Kau dan Aku adalah suatu organisasi non profit yang dipelopori oleh teman ku sesama mahasiswa di jurusan Hubungan Internasional Universitas Gadjah Mada.OSKA yang didirikan tanggal 15 Juli 2010 memiliki visi untuk Menghimpun jiwa-jiwa peduli untuk bersama menciptakan perubahan menuju kesejahteraan sosial.Pendirian OSKA dilatarbelakangi oleh permasalahan permasalahan sosial yang terjadi di negeri kita sendiri, Indonesia, permasalahan sosial seperti kemiskinan, pendidikan yang tidak merata, ketidak adilan sosial dan berbagai masalah lainnya.

Aku merasa mimpiku untuk membawa perubahan yang baik bagi lingkungan sekitarku ini dapat difasilitasi oleh OSKA.OSKA memang masih kecil, kami tidak begitu banyak memiliki dana karena kami masih sangat mandiri dalam hal pencarian dana, kami juga belum memiliki banyak koneksi yang dapat membantu kami.Kami hanya sekumpulan anak muda yang berani bermimpi untuk membawa perubahan yang baik untuk diri kami, dan lingkungan di sekitar kami.
OSKA memiliki banyak rancangan program kerja, yang telah terealisasikan adalah membantu korban bencana Merapi pada November 2010 kemarin.Selain itu kami saat ini sedang melakukan sebuah program yang bernama Darahrurat.Dalam program ini, kami berusaha mencarikan donor darah bagi pasien yang membutuhkan, terutama pasien kanker di RS Sardjito Yogyakarta yang kebanyakan anak anak.

Saat ini kami memang belum terlalu dikenal, tapi kami bergerak, kami bergerak progresif menuju satu tujuan kami : Membawa perubahan.

Azarine Kyla Arinta, Kutoarjo, 5 Maret 2011.

SALAM OSKA, saatnya melakukan perubahan!
ORGANISASI SOSIAL KAU DAN AKU (OSKA)

Halaman Web
http://kaudanaku.org

Surat Elektronik
halo@kaudanaku.org

Facebook Fanspage
ORGANISASI SOSIAL KAU DAN AKU

Into the Wild : Sawarna.

2011-02-22T23:46:00.000-08:00
I love to think of nature as an unlimited broadcasting station, through which God speaks to us every hour, if we will only tune in. ~George Washington Carver

I recently had a trip to a secluded beach area called Sawarna.Sawarna is a peaceful village located in Banten, about 6 hours drive from Jakarta.As always, it's a perfect getaway from a crowded and busy Jakarta..I need to rest off my mind before I go back to Jogja and start a new term of college.I went to Sawarna with my mom and cousin and spent 2 days 1 night, from 11th of February to 13th of February.

Bertolak dari Jakarta pukul 10 Malam dengan rombongannya Om Ondo dari Stalagmite Adventure (EO backpacking traveling), everything were going smooth sampe pada pukul 2 malam, bis nya mencoba nyalip truk dari sebelah kanan dan nabrak pohon terus slip deh.I waited for about 1 or 2 hours, akhirnya perjalanan dilanjutkan naik mini bus ke Sawarnya.We were supposedly arrived at 3 o'clock, but we arrived at 6 o'clock instead.

Untuk benar benar mencapai Desa Sawarna, kita harus menyebrangi jembatan gantung yang lumayan creepy karena goyang kanan kiri terus entah kenapa.

The Bridge

It was hot as hell when I arrived, the sun was already at it's highest peak eventhough it's not even 10 o'clock yet.Seperti trip trip backpacker selayaknya, kita menginap di rumah warga, yang biasa disebut juga homestay.THe village was so beautiful and breathtaking with rice fields everywhere and a very pleasant native people.I was happy, I WAS.Terus one of my horcrux yaitu Kafka alias kamera Nikon D40 gue yang berlensa 18-55mm mengalami kerusakan di bagian lensa dan my mom was being infuriating.Tapi I gotta enjoy the trip, walaupun gak ada Kafka I still can use Noir's camera and I have my Fish Eye camera. (Noir is my another horcrux, he's my current cellphone).

Setelah makan dan beres beres dimulailah kegiatan pertama pada hari itu : Susur pantai.Trekking tapi di pantai, sepanjang pantai Sawarna.I've been to many beaches but I think Sawarna has the most perfect line shore, kayak tertata sangat rapi lengkungannya and it has a great waves, I think surfer would like this kind of beach.There were hardly anyone around, it's not a really popular tourist destination, that's why I like it here, no commercialization like Pulau Tidung or Bali, this is more like Senggigi beach in Lombok.

Trekking nya lumayan lama sekitar 3 jam dan bikin cape, by the end of the trekking activities I was death exhausted, it was hot and all dan rambut gue berasa lengket angin pantai but it was a hell lot of fun, what's better than a breathtaking scenery and a quiet surrounding, nothing but the sound of the waves and birds chirping and the wind.It was perfect.

Abis istirahat dan lalalala, kegiatan dilanjutin dengan....caving!!! ini pertama kalinya gue caving, dan I'm liking it! Almost as fun as hiking but funner than trekking.Caving nya di Goa Lalay, sekitar 5 menitan dari Desa Sawarna.Pemandangan disana juga bagus banget, harus nyebrangin sungai dulu untuk sampe ke Goa Lalay ini.

Done caving, lanjut lagi ke spot berikutnya yang dinamakan Pulau Manuk.This is the best spot to enjoy sunset katanya dan IT REALLY IS.The sunset was beyond amazing, it was magnificent.I really enjoyed the time there, just me, in the shore, listen to my iPod, well as always my mind wandered around though.

I've never seen such a beautiful color, it's like a blue champagne supernova sky :).

And the sunset ended the activities on the first day.

Day two! Dan hari kepulangan.Pagi pagi jam 4 udah dibangunin Om Ondo untuk trekking yang naudzubillah jauhnya, we're gonna see a sunrise di Laguna Pari.Kali ini trekking nya lebih jauh dari yang pertama tapi lebih lebih lebih seru lagi, lebih worth it, lebih merasa seperti Christopher McCandless pas melakukan trekking nya.

Out in the nature, I feel infinite, like nothing could hurt me and I feel like I'm free and sincerely happy but then as the consequences, I get lonely, even more lonely than before and I begin to think if only I could show you how great the nature is, if only you could see what I see..would you smile and running to my arm? (Quoted from Into the Wild).And nature is the medicine, it's the greatest cure for someone like me who always question God's existence..Being with nature, I feel His endless power and I know no such thing could create something so magnificent, human clearly can't do this, anyone who can create such a magnificent thing like nature must be the greatest thing ever..beyond human's brain, unquestionable. - Azarine Kyla Arinta, 23 Februari 2011.

PS :
1. Sorry for the low quality of the photographs. T_T
2. Try to listen to Eddie Vedder's song(s) : Long Nights, Society, Guaranteed, No Ceiling, Hard Sun and all Into The Wild soundtrack while reading this post. Because I wrote this while listening to the soundtrack list.

Gratitude and Sincerity

2011-02-11T01:49:00.000-08:00
Two things that I could never thoroughly digest until now.Bersyukur dan ikhlas, dua hal penting yang bisa membuat gue bahagia dengan sesungguhnya, bukan cuma kebahagiaan sesaat setelah I fulfilled my needs or after I had a damn lot of fun or after I conquered something.Kebahagian dari mempelajari dua hal ini adalah kebahagiaan yang hakiki.That kind of happiness that will make you feel peaceful, a kind of happiness that comes within yourself.

Dua hal ini berkaitan erat dengan kehidupan gue akhir akhir ini, kehidupan gue yang selalu aja ga pernah puas dan ga pernah bersyukur dan susah ikhlas.Masalah ketidaksyukuran ini pertama adalah mengenai IPK perdana gue.Nilai pertama yang keluar adalah sebuah mata kuliah dimana gue sangat yakin dan sangat menyukai nya, gue dapet B, padahal gue maunya A.I was frustrated, If I could only get a B in this class, I would definitely get a C in another class.Lalu mata kuliah kedua yang dimana adalah mata kuliah Agama Islam, dimana semua orang dapet A dan jeng jeng, gue dapet B sendiri.One thing that cross my mind at that time : MOTHERSUCKER, THIS IS SUCKS. Lalu gue curhat sama salah satu dari temen gue and because she’s an angel and she’s a very sincere and blessed person, she only said : bersyukur Azarine, se engganya ga dapet C dan ngulang.I was struck, like that kind of lighthning struck that shock you right in your head. Lalu gue mulai mengikhlaskan IPK gue yang mengkhawatirkan ini, dan menemui kesimpulan bahwa gue harusnya bersyukur, gue beruntung, gue bisa dapet lebih parah, considering kelakuan gue di kelas yang kerjaannya ngerecokin orang and I’m such a deadliner dan belom lagi segala kemalasan kemalasan gue.I deserve this; We harvest what we sow.I sow a not so good seed, why would I expect to harvest such a good crops? Dan belom lagi, meskipun sekiranya nih gue udah pake bibit yang bagus, toh in the end it comes to God’s decision, udah untung gue dikasih IPK kayak gini, padahal gue berdoa aja jarang, percaya aja gak sepenuhnya.So I get over it, berhenti mencaci maki IPK gue dan mencari cari kesalahan dosen.

Lalu setelah itu gue membaca buku yang juga erat kaitannya dengan kedua hal signifikan ini.Judul bukunya Ranah 3 Warna yang merupakan lanjutan dari Trilogi Negeri 5 Menara, karangan A.Fuadi, seorang lulusan Hubungan Internasional UNPAD dan mantan wartawan Tempo dan VOA.Gue belajar banyak dari tokoh utama buku ini : Alif Fikri.Seorang perantau dari Sumatera Barat yang bisa dibilang hidupnya kurang berkecukupan.Di tengah penderitaannya hidup pas pasan di Bandung sebagai mahasiswa, dia diberi lagi ujian, Ayahnya meninggal, menjadikan dia yang merupakan anak pertama dan satusatunya laki laki sebagai tulang punggung keluarga.Alif walaupun di terjang berbagai masalah dan hampir saja dia menyerah pada Tuhan nya, tapi tetap bersemangat, akhirnya dengan berbekal dua mantra ajaib Man Jadda wa Jadda dan Man Shabara Zafira, Alif berhasil bangkit kembali bahkan berhasil menggapai mimpinya untuk ke benua Amerika.Dia, si anak kampung dari Sumatra Barat, berhasil lolos program pertukaran pelajar ke Kanada dan akhirnya tulisan tulisannya dimuat di media massa Indonesia.

Kenapa gue sangat merasa terhubung dengan buku ini? Pertama karena Alif juga anak HI, dan kedua Alif dan gue sama sama perantau.Bedanya? gue menye2 dan suka ngeluh, Alif ngga.Gue jadi malu sumpah, gue suka ngeluh uang bulanan gue kurang, gue kesepian, gue kurang ini itu, padahal kenapa sih gue harus selalu liat dari sisi buruknya? Dibanding Alif gue sangat sangat sangat sangat sangat sangat beruntung.Gue ada Ichuel, bisa kemana mana lebih gampang, mau apply ini itu gampang, lah Alif? Motor sama komputer aja minjem.Alif sempat kelaperan karena gak pernah dikirim uang oleh Amaknya di Padang karena Amaknya sedang kesusahan, Alif sampe sakit tipus sebulan, sementara gue bisa makan enak bahkan berlebih.Gue malu banget, dengan segala keterbatasannya, Alif tetap teguh pendirian bahkan bisa meraih mimpinya.Sementara gue dengan segala fasilitas yang gue miliki malah hura hura doang dan cuma besar di omongan tapi tidak ada tindakan.Setelah baca buku Ranah 3 Warna dan atas nasihat nasihat dari berbagai orang yang signifikan, gue kembali menemukan bahwa ini saatnya gue bangun dari tidur yang panjang dan segala kenyamanan gue.Gue dulu adalah seorang pemimpi yang berani mewujudkan mimpinya, tapi diberi kenyamanan dan kebebasan sedikit di Jogja gue malah melempem, malah keoptimisan gue berubah jadi kearoganan, malah menjatuhkan gue.It’s like I lost the Lion in me, I’ve to stand up again dan selalu tidak melupakan dua hal terpenting demi kebahagiaan dan demi tercapainya mimpi gue : Gratitude, bersyukur dan Sincerity, keikhlasan.

“This world is for those who wants to fight” – Quoted from 5 Cm by Donny Dhirgantoro.

Biarlah aku hidup dengan mimpi mimpiku, dengan keoptimisan dan keyakinan keyakinanku.Karena aku percaya yang telah membawa aku hingga kesini adalah kekuatan alam semesta yang berkonspirasi untuk membantu ku mencapai keinginanku, alam semesta lah yang membaca keyakinanku dan aku tau alam semesta itu adalah Tuhanku. – Azarine Kyla Arinta, 11 Februari 2011.

Merantau

2011-02-03T03:52:00.001-08:00
Bismillah...

Orang berilmu dan beradab tidak akan diam di kampung halaman
Tinggalkan negerimu dan merantaulah ke negeri orang
Merantaulah, kau akan dapatkan pengganti kerabat dan kawan
Berlelah-lelahlah, manisnya hidup terasa setelah lelah berjuang.

Aku melihat air menjadi rusak karena diam tertahan
Jika mengalir menjadi jernih, jika tidak, kan keruh menggenang

Singa jika tak tinggalkan sarang tak akan dapat mangsa
Anak panah jika tidak tinggalkan busur tak akan kena sasaran

Jika matahari di orbitnya tidak bergerak dan terus diam
Tentu manusia bosan padanya dan enggan memandang

Bijih emas bagaikan tanah biasa sebelum digali dari tambang
Kayu gaharu tak ubahnya seperti kayu biasa
jika di dalam hutan.

*****

Imam Syafii

I've been reading a trilogy book by A.Fuadi, he's an alumnus of Universitas Padjajaran, majoring in International Relations and he's also a journalist, he once worked for Tempo and VOA.He wrote his first book, it's title is Negeri 5 Menara and then the second one just came out on January : Ranah 3 Warna.

Both books explored the theme of being faraway from homeland to pursue a dream.I feel connected to this book's main character : Alif.Alif really wants to go to United States of America and in order to pursue his dream, he went out from his homeland : Bukit Tinggi.Although he's been through a lot of hard times, he believe in a good mantra : Man Jadda Wa Jadda (Siapa yang bersungguh sungguh maka akan berhasil).

I read Negeri 5 Menara not long after I got accepted in Universitas Gadjah Mada, Yogyakarta.In the front page of the book, there's a rondeau from Imam Syafi'i about being "perantau".Ngeliat syair ini untuk pertama kali, gue semakin yakin kalo menjadi perantau itu bukan suatu hal yang menyedihkan atau harus disesali, malah gue beruntung, gue diberi kesempatan untuk merantau ke Amerika Serikat selama setahun, gue belajar lebih banyak hal, belajar untuk lebih open minded.Makanya gue ngebet banget masuk UGM, jadi perantau lagi di Jogja.Meninggalkan Jakarta untuk suatu cita cita yang mulia :D

Imam Syafi'i bilang : merantaulah maka gue akan mendapatkan pengganti kawan dan kerabat.Dan ternyata benar.Tadinya gue ketakutan gak akan dapet temen..tapi gue malah ketemu orang orang yang hebat, yang sepemikiran sama gue. Gue ketemu orang orang ini:

keluarga pertama gue di Jogja.I know when I need anything, I can count on them.Gue sakit tipes aje diurusin, ye gak? hahaha. Persamaan nasib dan daerah asal bikin kita deket, bukannya mau bentuk grup atau gimana gimana. But admit it, lo punya comfort zone lo masing masing kan? well this is it, untuk sekarang ini mereka comfort zone gue.
Kalo Alif punya Sahibul Menara nya, gue punya mereka! Kerabat di perantauan :D

Mungkin gue udah berkali kali nulis betapa bahagianya gue bisa di Jogja meskipun melewatkan konser konser, meskipun harus meninggalkan keluarga,teman, dan segala kenyamanan gue di Jakarta, tetapi gue yakin this is for the greater thing..Kayu gaharu tak ubahnya seperti kayu biasa kalo cuma di hutan..gue pun yang udah biasa biasa aja makin akan biasa biasa aja kalo cuma ngendon di Jakarta.Kalo gue keluar, meng explore diri gue, berani hidup tidak nyaman, berani mengambil resiko, siapa tau gue akan bisa jadi orang yang tidak biasa biasa, siapa tau gue bisa menggapai mimpi gue untuk jadi orang yang inspiratif kayak A.Fuadi, kayak semua orang yang udah berani meninggalkan comfort zone nya untuk mengejar mimpi. Kayak Ikal dan Arai di Laskar Pelangi juga yang meninggalkan Belitong untuk mengejar mimpi.

Call me a dreamer, unrealistic or whatever, tapi inilah gue, gue punya banyak mimpi, gue percaya sama mimpi mimpi gue, mungkin gue over optimis, tapi inilah gue, gue yakin kalo gue bersungguh sungguh dan sabar, kalo gue yakin sama mimpi gue..mereka semua pasti jadi kenyataan..there's no limit for me..even the sky's not the limit for me..I'm ad infinitum, Limitless, to infinity and beyond.

Man Jadda Wa Jadda!

Layers in Life

2011-01-29T00:34:00.000-08:00
Imagine if life is an Adobe Photoshop, and you have these layers of life.In every layer, there are person that makes your life more meaningful and merry. And then after you put them in layer, you label the layer. So there’s a layer for your family, for your high school friend, for your junior high friend, layer for old friend, colleagues, and many other layers.

Well, life’s unfair and harsh, sometimes we put someone into one special layer but that someone doesn't put us into a special layer, they merge us into other layer and we simply do not want that, we want to have one special layer only for us.When you devoted your life for someone, well not devoted, more like if you like someone and you want them to be special in your life and then you create a special layer for that person but that person simply merge you into other layer, like you’re an ordinary common people..stuff like that hurts, it hurts doesn't it? It makes you feel lonely and alone.. you think you found someone but it turns out you don't.

As I grow older and more mature, I learn that we need one friend that we can put into one special layer, one friend that you can’t merge with others, one friend that’ll put you in a special layer too. I’ve found mine, and yes I’m indeed lucky because both of us don't merge our layer with others. She has one special layer in mine, I can’t put her in my “high school friend” layer, because she’s just not a common high school friend, I cant put her into “close friend” layer either because she’s much more than that, I can’t put her into “family” simply because we are not a family.I simply can’t merge her into common layer, so I build one layer, a specialized layer.
Now I know why I never feel so alone, because I can hold on to her in whatever time I needed her, I know I would never be alone and I would have her as “whole”, and she would have me to as “whole”. We have equal efforts.

Equal efforts is what we needed in this big bad world so we would never feel alone, we would never feel unwanted or useless, because admit it friends…it hurts so much right when you put a lot of efforts into someone but they don’t.It hurts when you think that someone is your bestfriend forever that you can have as a ‘whole’ but it turns out they do not think that way about you.I’ve been through a lot of friendship that turns from ‘very very close’ into ‘social networking close and hey-long-time-no-see-how-are-you- friendship’ and I think I have enough.This is not high school anymore, I grow up, I matured up, and I need to be found, and I’ve been found ☺

So friends, readers, find yourself a friend that’ll fight back for you, that’ll give you the same equal efforts.

Inspired by my XY. :)

In to the light

2011-01-26T04:16:00.000-08:00

How many kids do you think you can handle, manage, and supervise? 4? 3?
My Oma has 11 kids, and my mom is her third one. Can you imagine? 11 kids? An endless prayer, a perpetual love and an unconditional care.

January 20th 2011, a day after I came back from Yogyakarta, I found out that my Oma has been suffering from heart illness for a couple weeks and was being transferred from RS Pertamina in Balikpapan to RS Medika in BSD for further treatment. I was shocked when I visited her, she looked very sick and lousy, it’s not how I know her. My Oma is the most cheerful and optimistic person I’ve ever know, I never seen her looked so sad and unenergetic. I grabbed her hand and she asked me,”Kamu ada di Jakarta nak? Kenapa tidak di Jogja?”, I answered,”Aku baru selesai ujian Oma, tolong didoakan ya.”, and then she answered,”Iya nak.Kuliah yang baik ya di Jogja.”

And…that was the last conversation I had with her. The next day was her big operation day, the operation took so long, more than 5 hours, everyone were there, my aunt(s), uncle(s), all her kids were there, waiting anxiously. Thank God, the operation was a big success, everything were going smooth but then the next 2days she deteriorated because she suffered a liver failure.

It was Monday, 24th January 2011, I just got back and not long after that, my sister received a news from my family Blackberry Messenger group telling us that Oma’s condition’s getting worst.My sister and I decided to rush to BSD, not knowing that we’re going to see our Oma in her last breath. I went to the ICU room, the heartbeat machine making a lethal sound and then it finally stops along with my Oma’s golden heart…and there were silent, and then everyone breakdown and cried.Hasjim Mahmud family had just lost it’s foundation.

My Oma’s name is Hafsah Ismail, born in Muara Badak, February 16th 1934, she’s an Aquarius, no wonder she gets along so well with my Madre, my Madre’s also an Aquarius haha.Like all Aquarian, she’s very passionate and caring, she loves all her family wholeheartedly and impartially, everyone feel her love and support. Last year, February 2010, I was confuse because I can’t tell my Madre that I want to try for UGM’s test but I have no money either to register for the test, that time I know I can only run and look for support from my Oma, because she never say no to her grandchildren’s, she always support us for whatever things we want to pursue, she never judge us no matter how mischievous we behave.If I could borrow International Relations’s word, I would say my Oma’s approach is a soft power, she gains our respect through her tenderness. Oma also support me when I went for Nacel Open Door Exchange Student program, she convinced my Madre that I’m as smart as my Father and therefore should support every single thing I want to do as long as it’s for my better education.

During the last speech about Oma, my uncle, Om Adok told us how Oma struggled to take care of her 11 childrens, even though they live in misery and was a poor family at that time, Oma always teach their kids to be an honest person, she’s very strict about her children’s education and always warn her children not to bring dirty money into the family and the house.Oma’s hard work turned out very well, her 11 childrens including my Madre turn out to be a successful and humble human being. They pursue their dream, married with great people and making Hasjim Mahmud (this is my Opa’s name and what I refer to my big family) family even more awesome.

I’m very impressed on how my aunts and uncles treat Opa and Oma, they do everything they can to pay Opa and Oma’s hard work, they provide their parents needs and they care about Opa and Oma more than anything, they devoted their life to Opa and Oma, just like Opa and Oma devoted their life to take care of them.
I’m very impressed by my big Hasjim Mahmud family, our bonds are very strong.Even though I considered myself as a cold person,unaffectionate and I look like I’m not family oriented but actually I thoroughly love my family and I’m proud of being Hasjim Mahmud family.

So that’s how it goes, My Oma’s finally disappearing in to the lights, welcomed by Munkar and Nakir.God puts her in earth to create a foundation of my big family and to take care for all of us, now her work is done, God doesn't want to see her suffer any longer because I believe God loves her very much so He takes her away.She will finally reunite with her Son-in-law, my Dad, with her husband’s sister, Oma Nikma, and with her nephew, Om Acip.They’re all watching us from the Champagne Supernova.

And now I’ve another promise to make, first, I promise my Dad I’ll make him proud, now I’ll promise Oma too that I’ll be a great person and bring even more awesomeness into Hasjim Mahmud’s clan. I love you Oma, thank you for believing that I’ll be as great as my Father, I’ll prove it to you.

See you later in the place where there's no darkness and pain~

In to the light, we disappear
The lights went off the day we die

And aren’t we all just a dust
Fading in the air
Aren’t we all, aren’t we all
For all that we are, just a dust
Fading in the air
Aren’t we all, aren’t we all?

In to the light, this chapter ends
Two men will come, tell them no lies

Wake me up when it’s all gone
You’ll see the story remains
Walking down the fields of rain
You’ll see your tears run in vain - a song about the after life by Adhitia Sofyan.

Norwegian Wood

2011-01-14T06:25:00.000-08:00

"If you only read the books that everyone else is reading, you can only think what everyone else is thinking."

Norwegian Wood (ノルウェイの森 Noruwei no Mori?) is a 1987 novel by Japanese author Haruki Murakami and my favorite Murakami’s book.The novel is a nostalgic story of loss and sexuality.The story's protagonist and narrator is Toru Watanabe, who looks back on his days as a freshman university student living in Tokyo.
Through Toru's reminiscences we see him develop relationships with two very different women — the beautiful yet emotionally troubled Naoko whose also his dead bestfriend’s ex girlfriend, and the outgoing, lively Midori.

Everytime I read Murakami’s book, I always feel this strange feeling of loneliness because most of his books bring out that kind of theme: alienation, loneliness, solitude.But this is a good kind of loneliness, because his books bring me somewhere outer space where I can finally be alone, free and have a lot of time to think about the whole idea of life, relationship, and the meaning of human existence.

I can say that Toru is a loner from his narration in this book, but he chooses to be a loner.He ‘wants’ to.Sometimes I envy him, he can be happy without having to please anyone and he enjoys loneliness.I wonder if I could enjoy loneliness, being around with people too much, it’s weird when I finally have some time alone, it’s nice but weird…my mind keeps telling me : this is weird, I should be with people and have fun and laugh but I know damn right if I spend time with people I would be faking happiness and that’ll make me even more lonely.Human are unbelieveably complex.

• How many Sundays - how many hundreds of Sundays like this - lay ahead of me? "Quiet, peaceful, and lonely," I said aloud to myself.
• "I don't know, I feel like this isn't the real world. The people, the scene: they just don't seem real to me."
• " People are strange when you're a stranger."

My interpretation is, Toru’s fine being a loner because he has one person that pretty much sums up the whole world for him, it’s Naoko, the troubled and introverted Naoko whom he fells in love with.But one day, Midori, a lively and outgoing girl in contrast with Naoko comes into Toru’s life.Toru never questioned his love for Naoko but he’s also attracted to Midori and he wonders how could such stuff happen.

Norwegian Wood may seems like an ordinary love story, but there’s so much more about it, there are philosophical things going around in this book. It talks about death, life, relationship with human.

Midori once said to Toru that Toru is so “spaced out” and “locked out” in his own world.Toru makes himself available to Naoko when in fact Toru’s only available for Naoko.Can you see that Toru is being selfish? Because Toru clearly doesn't want Midori to go away, he wants to keep her around, Toru gives Midori hope and make Midori expect so much about him when in reality..Toru can’t give Midori anything, he’s anchored to Naoko, Naoko whose physically can’t be around Toru because Naoko herself is locked up in her own world.It’s a tragic love story, but very touching, because I like the way Toru keeps holding on to Naoko and won’t giving up on her eventhough being with Naoko is painful and he has to bear with Naoko’s dark personality.

Will Toru finally end up with Naoko? Or with Midori?

Well you gotta find out yourself by reading the book or watch the movie.Yep, the movie Norwegian Wood came out on December 2010.Keni’chi Matsuyama who played as L in Death Note will portrayed Toru Watanabe.

With this post, I recommend you to read or watch one of the best Murakami’s work!

Actually, I can.

2011-01-08T09:57:00.000-08:00

My room is one hell of a mess, so does my brain.I need to study but as usual, I procrastinate, it's what people best at? (sounds familiar? yeah of course, I keep saying this everytime I face a big exam)

A year ago, January 2010, I struggled to get to where I am now. International Relations; Universitas Gadjah Mada.
Now I am here, and what do I do? Procrastinate, why can't I be thankful for God's sake?

I love to write; God puts me here where I have to write at least once a week.
I love to read; God puts me here where I have to read a hell lot of books (till I lose my appetite to books)
I love history; I learn a hell lot of history here.
I love politics; I have 'too much'

I've been given everything I want, I need, and yet I procrastinate like an idiot.

For God's sake Rintachos; be thankful, prove what you're capable of.

Whether you think you can or think you can't, you are right. I think I can, therefore I can. Bismillah, UAS, HERE I COME!

And as always; the same old issue : there's a thin line between optimisim and arrogancy. In my case, it's hard to tell whether I'm just a plain optimist or I'm plain arrogant.

Daerah "Istimewa" Yogyakarta

2011-01-08T09:16:00.000-08:00

It says : Aku bersaksi tiada Tuhan selain Allah dan Nabi Muhammad adalah Rasul utusan Allah.
Yogyakarta's famous for it's strong belief in Islam.What funny is the religion of Islam acculturate with the strong culture of Javanese and create a new way of belief called : Islam Kejawen.

Yogyakarta's residents are showing their support toward their leader : Sri Sultan Hamengkubuwono X.I think it's a foolish act of the government in Jakarta if they try to change the way the government in Yogyakarta works.If they insist on making a public election on how the Governor and the Vice Governor of D.I.Yogyakarta are elected, they're clearly mad, they're ruining the "special" title of D.I. Yogyakarta.Yogyakarta residents do not want anyone else to be their leader; Sri Sultan HB X is more than enough and I've never seen a city more peaceful than this, so why bother?

Have you ever heard this discource before : "Yogyakarta Kota Sepeda" ?

One fine morning in Yogyakarta, I spend it by riding a bike from Bulaksumur Residence to Alun Alun Utara.It was nice to feel the morning breeze and the amiable environment of Yogyakarta.Yogyakarta has gained it's "special" title for it's historical background back in the early days of Republik Indonesia.

I always know that spending my college years in this city gonna be a blast because it clearly says that this city is "special". It's not just a title, it really is special; especially the culture, the strong traditional Javanese culture that fences in this city.This city fascinates and enchants me in many ways. I love the fact that there are lots of place to explore in this city, the place that I can't ever find in a busy hectic and crowdy city like Jakarta. Yogyakarta is a perfect place to spend my college years, where I supposedly grow up and learn more, not just academically, but also philosopically.This is the perfect place to expand my knowledge and open my mind, there are more to learn than just earning money and living a luxurious life in Jakarta.

happy new year dreamer..

2011-01-02T11:14:00.000-08:00
As I get older (but not wiser), I begin to think differently about a lot of stuffs.This time, I think differently about how am I gonna spend my new year.I usually hang around with some friends….and do some stupid stuffs.But this year, I want something different, I want to be with someone that’s not my ‘circle’.

Frankly said, I’m bored with my surroundings, and that shit scares the hell out of me, I don’t want to get bored with them because I love them so much and I don’t want to hurt them, so as always….I run away, like I always do when I’m scared, I run away and I thought I was being nice but no, as always again..I’m just being egoistical.

On January 31st, I decided to go to Pantai Krakal, located in Gunung Kidul, Yogyakarta, about 3 hours roller coaster ride from Kota Yogyakarta.It’s not a fun ride I must said, my friend drove like a crazy person, but I got him, he’s basically the male version of me and we’re not crazy or angry, it’s just our nature, we’re on fire all the time.Hahaha.I’m going to spend my new year with my International Relations mates and I can smell fun.

Though it’s not a fun ride, I enjoyed it, I enjoyed talking with Dine, Andini, and Abay along the way, I enjoyed the scenery and the breathtaking view.I always feel like a brand new person everytime I have a rendezvous with nature.
“God places nature to remind us how simple life is, and how we should be happy and thankful”
I spend a lot of time reading the new book I’ve just bought earlier that day “Sophie’s World”, it’s a must-read book for anyone who has interest in Philosophy.Here’s one of the quote from the book ; “Pada suatu titik, semua pasti berasal dari ketiadaan.Begitu juga Tuhan.Apakah Tuhan menciptakan dirinya sendiri?”

I miss this kind of time, where I could spend hours reading book and there’re no that could bother me, not even my Blackberry or my iPod.It’s just me, nature, and book, a perfect combination of happiness according to Tolstoy.

Time passed by and it’s half hour from the brand new year.I’m sitting on the shore, all my friends seems like they enjoying theirself and their mind wanders somewhere, everyone has their own thought, and my thought was ;

“Semua orang merasa kesepian di pergantian tahun, karena itu lah mereka pergi keluar mencari euphoria, berusaha menenggelamkan kesepian mereka dan menggantikannya dengan kebahagian..meskipun palsu..setidaknya mereka terdistraksi dengan kebahagiaan yang sesaat”

Sok tau ya gue? Emang sih.

Well that's because I think I’m one of that ‘semua’ people, I feel lonely…feels like I don’t belong to anyone but God.I indeed have one person that could make me feel less lonely, though she’s in another country right at that moment, the thought of her makes me feel less lonely, happy new year co-pilot!

And 00.00, it’s the 1st of January in 2011.I feel the euphoria..and this is not the fake one merely because the scenery I’m looking at during that moment, a view of beautiful night sea and fireworks and people around me looking like they’re really happy.

I whispered to myself : Happy new year Rintachos.This is it, starts doing something for your ‘big plan’, I hope I don’t back up from big plan and brave enough to take the risk.This ‘big plan’ gonna keep my 2011 year alive! Wish me luck! I can climb up this mountain and through my way to the mountain, I’ll learn through the nature and I’ll enjoy the scenery..after all it’s just not about being in the top of the mountain, it’s also about the journey I’ve to pass in order to be in the top of the mountain.

And that was it.Happy new year everyone! Happy new year dreamers all over the world, let’s conquer our dream, this world is for those who wants to fight!

Come what may

2011-01-02T10:45:00.000-08:00

Never knew I could feel like this
Like I've never seen the sky before

Listen to my heart, can you hear it sings
Telling me to give you everything

Come what may, come what may

Suddenly the world seems such a perfect place
Suddenly it moves with such a perfect grace
Suddenly my life doesn't seem such a waste
It all revolves around you

And there's no mountain too high no river too wide
Sing out this song and I'll be there by your side
Storm clouds may gather and stars may collide

Suddenly the world seems such a perfect place...

Come what may, come what may

Come what may.........If you're around, I have enough.

Resolution! Resolution!

2011-01-02T10:23:00.000-08:00

1.Simplify, simplify - Henry David Thoreau

2.Read more books

3.Be more tolerant

4.Live a healthy, simple, and happy life

BE THANKFUL.

5.Be less egoistic and spoiled

Get CLOSER TO GOD.WHOEVER GOD IS.

6.Spend new year’s eve in Semeru or any other mountains

7.Spend more time with nature, because human’s too complicated and whiny

OVERCOME YOUR CHALLENGE.TAKE THE RISK.CLIMB YOUR OWN MOUNTAIN.

8.Dream.dream.dream.dream.hardwork.hardwork.hardwork.pray.pray.pray.pray

5 CM! “I..just..run!” - Forrest Gump

STOP OVERTHINK. but do not stop questioning

“Gue pikir orang yang selalu bertanya itu harus juga ada”-Ian dalam 5 Cm (Dhonny Dirgantoro)

9.Be good to people but do not let them expect too much from you.You have nothing to offer.

10.Simple much.Get a good grades, be thankful, show your courage to your mother.

DO NOT LET GO, DO NOT SAY GOODBYE.

To the greatest mother in the world.

2010-12-21T09:02:00.000-08:00

Seorang wanita hebat lahir pada tanggal 26 Januari 1959 di Ujung Pandang.Dia merupakan anak ke 3 dari 11 bersaudara.Wanita hebat ini menghabiskan masa kecilnya di Ujung Pandang dan kemudian pindah ke Surabaya.Sejak dari kecil, dia merupakan pekerja keras yang pantang menyerah.Seringkali dia bercerita dia harus memaintain pendidikannya dengan baik meskipun terhalang kondisi finansial kedua orang tuanya pada saat itu.Disaat bersamaan dia juga harus bertanggung jawab mengurusi ke 8 adik adiknya yang masih kecil.

Wanita hebat ini..adalah..mama ku yang tersayang.Berceritalah dia kalau dia menempuh pendidikan sarjananya di Universitas Mulawarman, Samarinda, disinilah dia bertemu dengan papa ku.Mama bilang papa orang yang sangat 'cool', pendiam, dan sangat pintar, berbeda dari laki laki kebanyakan yang mendekatinya saat itu.Tanpa perlu berusaha banyak, papa ku berhasil mengambil hati mama ku dan akhirnya mereka menikah pada tanggal 9 September 1981.Saat itu mamaku masih berusia 21 tahun.Kakak pertamaku lahir saat mama berusia 22 tahun.A very young age to have a kid, don't you think?

Disinilah kehebatan mama ku.Mama berhasil mendidik kakak kakak ku dengan sangat baik sembari mengurusi keluarga besarnya, dan juga memaintain karirnya.Mama ku adalah wanita yang sangat independen, dia tidak suka bergantung pada orang lain, bahkan pada papa ku sekalipun.Hal lain yang kukagumi dari dia adalah keberaniannya, menikahi papa ku adalah suatu hal yang sangat berani mengingat papa dan mamaku datang dari kedua budaya dan keagamaan yang sangat berbeda.Papa adalah orang Bali yang notabene sangat kuat budaya nya dan keagamaan Hindunya, dan mama ku sendiri adalah orang Bugis yang sangat kuat Islamnya.Tetapi mereka berhasil menjembatani perbedaan mereka dan menciptakan sebuah keluarga yang sangat baik.

You're simply amazing mom.I never know a woman that's stronger, more courageous, and more loving than you.Mama selalu mempercayaiku dan kakak kakak ku, dia tidak pernah melarang kami melakukan apapun asalkan kami menyenangi hal itu dan hal itu tidak berdampak negatif bagi kami.Karena itulah aku tidak pernah tega, bahkan aku malu, apabila harus menyalahgunakan kepercayaan yang telah dia berikan.Dia telah memberiku segalanya baik materi maupun moril walaupun aku bertindak sangat egois dan keras kepala, tetapi yang dia pedulikan hanyalah kebahagiaan ku dan kakak kakak ku. Pengorbanannya begitu besar untuk kebahagiaan keluarga kami.

Setelah papa meninggal, aku semakin mengagumi mama.Sebagai single mother, mama tidak membuatku ataupun kakak kakak merasa kekurangan sesuatu sedikitpun.Mama tetap selalu seperti dulu, melakukan apapun demi kebahagiaan ku.Bahkan ketika aku meminta hal yang kurang masuk di akal untuk seorang single mom, tetapi mama tetap mengabulkannya demi kebahagiaanku.Terimakasih mama, terimakasih atas kepercayaan mama sama aku.

During my exchange year, I read "For One More Day" by Mitch Albom and I cried hard while reading the book, because that book reminded me that I've done so little for my mom and my mom has done so much things for me and did I ever thank her enough? There are billion times where she stood up for me and I simply walk away and got angry.

If someone ask me, what I want to be when I grow up? I'll say I want to be you and papa.Everlasting inspiration, I would never be what I am now if it's not because of you two.

Terimakasih sudah menjadi inspirasiku ma.
Mama tau gak. Menurutku mama sangat sangat sangat dicintai oleh Tuhan.Kenapa? Karena tak satupun keluarga dekat mama pernah terkena masalah sangat berat yang tidak terpecahkan, karena Tuhan begitu menyayangi mama dan Tuhan tidak ingin mama sedih dengan membuat keluarga mama bersedih.Mama tau kenapa aku yang sangat brengsek dan kurang ajar pada Tuhan ini masih bertahan hidup ratusan kilometer dari mama, bahkanhidup dengan sangat aman dan tentram.Ini karena mama, doa doa mama, mama begitu mendedikasikan hidup mama kepada Tuhan, dan mama mengajarkan ini kepadaku tetapi aku belum bisa mengamalkannya, walaupun aku merasakan dampaknya.

If I could give the whole universe to you, I still think it's not enough.You've done way too much for me.I wish you know how much I love you and adore you despite my bratty attitude toward you, despite all my stubbornness and selfishness.

Selamat hari Ibu. Untuk Ibu Terhebat di Dunia ku.
Your unconditional love gives me courage to live this life to the fullest.I thought I can't live in the world where Papa doesnt exist, but you give me reason to stay alive.I haven't done anything for you, so let me try to make you proud :-D

Mother's Day, December 22nd 2010.Your youngest and most spoiled daughter :P

2010-12-17T08:03:00.000-08:00

nfinite |ˈinfənit|
adjective
1 limitless or endless in space, extent, or size; impossible to measure or calculate

I just got done reading a book by Stephen Chbosky.The book’s title is The Perks of being a Wallflower.I personally think it’s a modern version of The Catcher in the Rye by J.D. Salinger.This book tells story about a highschool freshman named Charlie who wrote letters to a total stranger and telling the total stranger everything he got in his mind.As a reader I feel like I’m being allowed to dive in deep in someone’s mind&thought.

Well, the point of my posting here is one of the sentence and page in the book.On page 30, Charlie was telling the random ‘stranger’ how he felt “INFINITE”.

Anyway, Patrick started driving really fast, and just before we got to the tunnel, Sam stood up, and
the wind turned her dress into ocean waves. When we hit the tunnel, all the sound got scooped up into a
vacuum, and it was replaced by a song on the tape player. A beautiful song called "Landslide." When we got out of the tunnel, Sam screamed this really fun scream, and there it was. Downtown. Lights on buildings and everything that makes you wonder. Sam sat down and started laughing. Patrick startedlaughing. I started laughing.
And in that moment, I swear we were infinite” P.36

That sentences above brought me back to one of my “infinite” moment. The moment where I wish time could stop and the world stop and the only thing that doesn’t stop was me and those extraordinary people around me and the songs that came out loud from my car’s stereo.

“Infinite” moment is that moment when you realize that it is good to be alive and it is so much fun to be forever young and not needing to grow up and face the crazy scary world of maturity. Is that moment where you want time to stop..forever.

That day, June 9th 2010, early morning in a momentous 4 season bridge, for a long time in my life I feel “infinite”. I just stand there watching my friends laughed and threw jokes at each other and they looked so free..young..and happy.The sun started to rises and the air felt so relieving, I swear in that moment I could burst into tears because I just feel so…alive…and young.
And I could hear the soothing sound of Sweet Disposition by Temper Trap came out from Ichuel…

“So stay there, cause I’ll be coming over and while our blood’s still young, so young, it runs, and won’t stop till it’s over, won’t stop to surrender…”

I miss the “infinite” moment(s).
and I miss all the people that’s been kindly enough to be involved in that moment(s).

It ain't good enough

2010-12-17T07:57:00.000-08:00

"I walked over to the hill where we used to go and sled. There were a lot of little kids there. I watched them flying. Doing jumps and having races. And I thought that all those little kids are going to grow up someday. And all of those little kids are going to do the things that we do. And they will all kiss someone someday. But for now, sledding is enough. I think it would be great if sledding were always enough, but it isn't." - P.60 The Perks of Being a Wallflower by Stephen Chbosky

Charlie said that in P.60.
I remember Holden Caulfield saying the same stuff. How he would catch the kids from falling of the cliff.And how he wished that the kids would just running around and jump around in the rye, and not run and jump out of the cliff.

Both Charlie and Holden were saying a metaphor about growing up and maturity.

Charlie said that he wished sledding is enough.Holden wished that jumping and running around in a rye is enough.But no, it’s not enough.Because time goes by, kids grow up, they learn that we can’t just sledding around icy hill everyday.They learn that they’re going to do the things they “want” to do.

I also wish running around in my neighbourhood after school is enough.I wish playing around all day with cousins is enough.

But…

There are things we don’t want to happen but we have to accept
There are things we don’t want to know but we have to learn
And people we can’t live without but have to let go..

So..Charlie, Holden, let’s jump out of the cliff and stop sledding. We have the terrifying world of maturity ahead us :/

Quem di diligunt, adulescens moritur

2010-12-13T09:56:00.000-08:00

Last night I was feeling so blue and gloomy all out of the sudden. I woke up from a long nap and start to ask myself a question : what’s the purpose of living? What am I doing here?
I have this uneasy feeling and I know something’s not right but I just cant figure out what it was.

Midnight passed and I was randomly googling about my inspiration : Soe Hok Gie and Christopher McCandless.Both died at a very young age.Then I thought about a quote that’s been ringing in my head : Only the good die young and Whom the God loves die young.My late father also died in a quite young age, that’s why I really believe he’s been taken away because God loves him very much.

I want to die in a young age, particulary because I truly believe that it is true..Whom the God loves die young.Because God doesn’t want that person to suffer the life much longer, because God doesn’t want that person to make more mistakes and sins.
Then I decided to put it as a status in my Blackberry Messenger.Just for a reminder.

And then tonight, a devastating and shocking message came from my cousin.He said my beloved uncle passed away due to heart attack.
And

He’s so young…….. , He's not even 40

I will always remember him as the humorous one. He always smile and laugh, throwing jokes around.The last time I saw him was in September.He looked happy as always.

I remembered accompanying him to Mal Ambassador because he wanted to buy a DSLR and I recommended Nikon D90 to him.Then he bought a DSLR and I talked about camera and photography technique with him.
He’s a lecturer and he died while giving lecture to his class.What a marvelous way to die, isn’t it?

I hope heaven treats you good Om Acip.

May you rest in peace and I hope I’ll see you soon in heaven.Your enthusiasm and optimistic view of living will always be an inspiration for me.

Good bye Arief Fadillah, my beloved uncle.

Now I believe it even more : Whom the God loves, die young.

Quem di diligunt, adulescens moritur

Dear friend

2010-12-10T08:03:00.000-08:00

You may think I don’t care, you may think I don’t know that you’re feeling blue. I may act like an ass, I may act like a total jerk.

But do you know what? I know that you’re bothered, and that’s bothering me.
I don’t want to waste my time to ask you.I know you would say nothing,You would say you’re fine, you would say that there’s nothing wrong when I know damn well there’s something definitely wrong with you.And I don't like to be rejected that's why I never bother to ask and pretend to act like I don't care instead.

Everytime you’re around I feel like a fish talking to an empty shell. Physically you’re right in front of me and talking to me, but your soul are somewhere else, floating up above the sky.

Are you wondering what you did wrong? Where did you go wrong?
Are you wondering what could possibly happen if you’ve taken the other way?
Are you wondering what would you do if you have the chance to change it?

Well, I think I just have one message for you : be happy, like real happy, not a fake happiness, let it all out and spill out the bean, you can’t carry all the weight of the world in your shoulder, you can’t try to make everyone happy, everyone has flaws, we’re human after all..before you try to make everyone happy, try to make yourself happy first.

“You think you want to die, but in reality you just want to be saved”

Lost in Space?

2010-12-06T10:26:00.000-08:00

Faith and doubt both are needed - not as antagonists, but working side by side to take us around the unknown curve.
Lillian Smith

I’m not sure whether God loves me too much. Or whether God wants to punish me repeatedly in a very soft but hurtful way.

For these past few months, I lost my passion and will and courage to pray to God.I completely forgotten about Him.I live my life as if I don’t have someone who watches over me and who guides me.I don’t know what’s gotten into me, but I ask more question about God.I’m questioning His existence.

Particulary because I’m disappointed by a lot of things.I’m frankly disappointed by my religion : Islam.I think Islam is a very rigid and untolerable religion and that hurts me because I may say I’m a person with a very liberal view, but that’s just doesn’t go with my religion. But I have no interest in other religion either, eventhough I’m disappointed, I still think Islam’s the best way to communicate to God.

Well enough with the introduction. The point is I was lost in space.

But then. I got into a really big fight with my mom.

A hell of a big fight.

Then the next day my mom called me and told this to me
“Ade.Mama mau maafin kamu dan beliin kamu laptop.Tetapi kamu harus janji kamu gak akan pernah ninggalin sholat 5 waktu.Karena Allah gak butuh kamu.Kamu lah yang butuh Allah.Dan walaupun mama gak liat, tapi Allah liat. Kamu.Meninggalkan sholat berarti menceburkan diri kamu dalam masalah.Kamu sendirian di Jogja, kamu gak punya siapa siapa, gak ada mama, temen temen kamu juga cuma bisa Bantu sebisanya.Kamu cuma bisa minta tolong sama Allah”

I was shocked.Felt like being hit by a lightning thunder.

What shocked me was… After all this time I doubt His existence, questioning His religion, openly criticize a lot of thing in Islam, He came to me..and hesitantly wants me to come back to Him. I’m crushed.
I’m crushed because I feel ashamed.I’m walking away but He walks after me, He wants me back, He wants ME. ME WHO NEVER STOPS QUESTIONING HIS EXISTENCE. ME WHO, (eventhough I do all the prayers, and pray and ask for His forgiveness and blessing) STILL DOUBT HIM AND HIS RELIGION.

I guess my bestfriend’s right, there’s thing that you shouldn’t ask question about.And she believes that someday I will stop questioning about all of these.But no, I think I’ll keep questioning about God and religion.Why does different kind of religion exist if God only wants to be worshipped in one way?

Anyway.I think being agnostic with a religion sounds quite right for this time being.

I want to come back to you dear God, whoever you are.I want to be shined by your light, I want to be guided, I want to feel secure.I want a lot of things but I’m sorry, I’ll keep asking question about you.I’m sorry for being so juvenile, God.I’m a human being after all, and You were the one who created me, you were the one who shaped me into what I am.So I guess you’ll understand.

Hope you read this blogpost dear God.Well I'm sure you will, you're everywhere. Watching me.

Almost Grown

2010-12-06T10:24:00.000-08:00

Meredith: We all want to grow up. We're desperate to get there. Grab all the opportunities we can to live. We're so busy trying to get out of that mess, we don't think about the fact that it's going to be cold out there. Really freaking cold. Because growing up sometimes means leaving people behind. And by the time we stand on our own two feet, we're standing there alone.

When people said growing up is a scary thing, I thought it was a joke, until I experience it by myself.
When I was a high school kid, I cannot wait to grow up, to catch my dream.My dream back then was to be a collegian in Universitas Gadjah Mada, Yogyakarta, majoring in International Relations.With hard work and prayer, God granted my wish, He puts me where I want to be.

I always thought, what’s so difficult about living alone in a different city? I mean, I love Yogyakarta so much, I always want to be here, I want to study International Relations, Yogyakarta’s only one hour away by plane from Jakarta, 432 Kilometres to be exact.

So now here I am, all alone, although not literally alone, I have a very good circle of friends here whose willing to take care of my mess.But I’m a grown up, I’m 18, shouldn’t I take care of myself? Shouldn’t this going faraway from home change me even only a tiny bit?

But the fact is : I haven’t change, at all. I think I’m still the same old Rintachos.Spoiled kid, arrogant, vain, stubborn, egoistic, careless.I still let my ego win.I’m so used to being taken care of.If I messed up, someone will come and take cover of me.

I can’t be like this forever
I have to change in a good way. After all, this is why I choose to live alone.I want to train myself.I want to be the independent and grown up Rintachos.
I have to stop being ignorant and start to open my eyes and realize that the world doesn’t revolve around me.Everyone’s not gonna be around forever to take care of me.
I have to realize that I ain’t a baby anymore eventhough I’m a baby in my family.
I’m 18 years old for God’s sake.

Meredith Grey was right.It’s really freaking cold out here, and I’ve to protect myself by looking for a blanket, cover up myself, not waiting in the cold and let someone bring me blanket.I could die of hypothermia if I keep on doing this.

About leaving people behind.I think, it’s a consequence of growing up.People change and move on, they go their own way, catching up with their dreams, and I’ll do exactly the same.Throughout this year of 2010, I learn that I can’t keep everyone forever.At some point, I’ve to let them go, letting them go doesn’t mean forgetting the memory I’ve ever had with them..the memory stays..the person go.

Though I wont give up on one particular person because I have a promise.So if I show a sign of giving up, please pray that a deadly storm lightning thunder hits me hard in the head :P

Well.That’s it.Almost Grown.

Song of the Open Road

2010-10-09T11:03:00.000-07:00
Now if a thousand perfect men were to appear it would not amaze me,
Now if a thousand beautiful forms of women appear'd it would not
astonish me.

Now I see the secret of the making of the best persons,
It is to grow in the open air and to eat and sleep with the earth.

Here a great personal deed has room,
(Such a deed seizes upon the hearts of the whole race of men,
Its effusion of strength and will overwhelms law and mocks all
authority and all argument against it.)

Here is the test of wisdom,
Wisdom is not finally tested in schools,
Wisdom cannot be pass'd from one having it to another not having it,
Wisdom is of the soul, is not susceptible of proof, is its own proof,
Applies to all stages and objects and qualities and is content,
Is the certainty of the reality and immortality of things, and the
excellence of things;
Something there is in the float of the sight of things that provokes
it out of the soul.

Now I re-examine philosophies and religions,
They may prove well in lecture-rooms, yet not prove at all under the
spacious clouds and along the landscape and flowing currents.

Here is realization,
Here is a man tallied--he realizes here what he has in him,
The past, the future, majesty, love--if they are vacant of you, you
are vacant of them.

Only the kernel of every object nourishes;
Where is he who tears off the husks for you and me?
Where is he that undoes stratagems and envelopes for you and me?

Here is adhesiveness, it is not previously fashion'd, it is apropos;
Do you know what it is as you pass to be loved by strangers?
Do you know the talk of those turning eye-balls?

-Quoted from Walt Whitman's Poem : Song of the Open Road

I have so many things to write, so many thoughts wandering around in my mind, but there are so little time, I became too lazy to write it all over again, so I decided I'll just bury it deep down inside my mind and I decided I'll only share this thoughts through my electronic letter to my friend.

One thing you should know probably...I ask more questions than ever before, I question things that I never questioned before, I grew up, I changed, I'm getting more confuse with all these thoughts..but I hope, all of these questions are worth to ask, worth to take part on my already screwed-up mind.

Identity Crisis?

2010-09-29T15:36:00.000-07:00

Ketika masuk dunia perkuliahan yang notabene nya lebih heterogen daripada dunia SMA, pertanyaan “Kamu asalnya mana” menjadi sesuatu yang krusial. Dan kali ini gue dihadapkan dengan kebingungan, kalau ditanya darimana asalmu, ya pasti gue jawabnya : Jakarta. Gue tinggal di Jakarta dari tahun 1998, jadi bisa dibilang gue besar di Jakarta.Tapi begitu tau nama gue yang ada embel embel I Gusti Ayu nya pasti orang orang langsung bertanya lagi : Loh kamu tuh orang Bali?

Terus gue bingung sendiri, iya emang gue orang Bali, Papa kan asli Bali tapi apa iya gue orang Bali? Patut dipertanyakan tuh, karena gue tidak mewarisi apapun tentang Bali, gak bisa seni apapun, gak punya aura mistis apapun. Cuma bawa bawa nama I Gusti Ayu aja.

Terus musim mudik pun dateng, lalu karena gue berkuliah di UGM yang hampir 80% lebih adalah anak perantau, maka pertanyaan mudik kemana menjadi trending topics percakapan antar teman.Lalu ditanyalah gue : mudik kemana? Dan gue akan jawab...Balikpapan.

Bingung?
Sama.
Jadi sih gini.

Papa adalah putra asli Bali yang dianugerahi kecerdasan luar biasa dan diatas rata rata sehingga dikirim keluar Bali untuk menempuh studi di ITS dan kemudia melanjutkan di Universitas Mulawarman di Kalimantan Timur.Di Universitas Mulawarman ini Papa bertemu dengan Mama yang putri asli Bugis yang entah kenapa tiba tiba menempuh studi di Unmul. Lalu mereka menikah dan menetap di Balikpapan dari tahun 1980an hingga 1998an. Gue lahir tahun 1992, jadi kira kira menghabiskan waktu 6 tahun di Balikpapan. Semua keluarga besar Mama (Mama 11 bersaudara dan hanya 2 orang yang tinggal di Surabaya, lainnya di Balikpapan) tinggal di Balikpapan, jadi setiap lebaran pasti gue pulang ke Balikpapan, jadi kalau ditanya kampung halaman gue akan jawab kampung halaman gue adalah Balikpapan, karena disanalah gue merasa berada di “rumah”.

Yang menambah keabsurdan identitas gue adalah, keluarga Mama yang walaupun orang Bugis tapi bercakap cakap dengan bahasa Jawa Suroboyoan. Bingung ye. Gue juga bingung, jadi kan dibilang nenek moyang orang Bugis itu seorang pelaut, jadi Opa Oma yang adalah orangtuanya Mama merantau dari Sulawesi Selatan ke Jawa Timur, menetap di Surabaya lalu hijrah ke Balikpapan.

Kompleks ya?
Jadi ketika seorang kawan di kuliah mengatakan gue krisis identitas.
Gue cuma ketawa.

Budaya dan tradisi keluarga gue adalah percampuran semua itu, ibarat bab 5 buku Nusa Jawa Silang Budaya, keluarga gue itu Islam fanatis tapi disisi lain menerima keterbukaan dan masukan budaya lain sehingga bisa dibilang sangat liberal. Radikal dan liberal? Ga nyambung ye.

Kesimpulan sok tau gue sih adalah...keluarga gue itu kan besar ya, ada 11 bersaudara tuh Mama gue, gue punya 26 sepupu, kita semua tinggal di daerah yang berbeda, membawa kebudayaannya masing masing, yang di Balikpapan ya gak menganut sistem yang kapitalis kapitalis amat, yang di Surabaya juga gitu, mungkin yang di Jakarta sebenarnya penganut sistem kapitalis tapi berusaha keras menyangkal (apa Cuma gue doang yang berusaha menyangkal dan mau sok sok anti kapitalis?).

Ya intinya seperti itulah. Jangan bingung.
Karena jangankan lo, gue aja bingung.

Kesimpulan sok tau lain dari gue adalah..
Ancient gue Bali dan Bugis, kampung halaman gue adalah Balikpapan, tetapi kebudayaan yang gue cerminkan adalah Jakarta (Jakarta ya, bukan Betawi nya).

Ngomong2 Jakarta dan Betawi.Dulu Jakarta identik dengan kebudayaan Betawi, tapi kalau difikir fikir, setiap lebaran Jakarta lengang, berarti sebenarnya penduduk asli Jakarta itu Cuma sedikit kan? Sisanya pendatang yang datang ke Jakarta, bergulat dengan kehidupan metropolis dan menubrukan kebudayaan kebudayaan mereka sehingga terciptalah suatu budaya baru yang gue panggil aja dengan sekenanya budaya “Jakarta”.
Jakarta itu ibarat Amerika gitu gak sih. A big melting pot, semua bahan bahan meleleh menjadi satu dalam satu pot besar.

Btw.Gue kangen deh sama Jakarta.Tapi kalau lagi disana gue muak.Kayak love-hate relationship di teenlit teenlit murahan gitu lah.

Sekian corat coret kali ini.Udah mau jam 6, kuliah jam 7 tapi kamar kayak pasar.See you later.

Expectation versus Reality

2010-09-10T01:15:00.000-07:00
Expectation
I’m friendless, companionless, desolated, in solitary. I’m the only kid from my high school in this faculty, in this major, I know only a few people.I sure know a lot of them through social networking but that doesn’t count..people in cyber world are different than their real version, even some are totally different, you cant judge people by how much they tweet or how cool their Facebook look. Cyber world is a world of fakeness and total freedom.

Shit.This is gonna be another lonely August and September. When will this kind of months end, God? I’ve experienced this twice.. isn’t that enough practice for me?

I can’t talk in Javanese(cannot talk doesn’t mean I don’t understand HA HA. I do understand, I can speak a little but you have to be very s-l-o-w-l-y), the way I talk is ermm..harsh? because I use a lot of swear words. I’m scared they wont befriend me and think I’m just some stupid, brainless, lucky kid from the capital city. (I’m indeed lucky, but I ‘earn’ this, I do not lay around in my couch and magically got accepted in HI UGM, it takes a few tears and sweat)

Building a new comfort zone is gonna be damn hard. This is gonna be the hardest month of 2010, classic August and it’s transisition time. I’m doomed.

Reality
ALHAMDULILLAH ALHAMDULILLAH. God is full of mercy. He’s very kind to me eventhough I’m such a bad Moslem. Damn, which favour of me Lord that I deny?

I like my friends in International Relations very much, I like my classmates, I like the topics they give me in class, sure I’m having trouble catching up with global issue and politic whatsoever but I’ve been dreaming to learn all these stuff ever since I’m in 11th grade. I’m damn thankful.
This may sounds shallow but I’m estactic everytime I meet people who have same vision and interest like me.Simple thing like same favourite artist, book, or movie could bring joyful and happiness to me..And I encounter a lot of people who has same ‘thing’ like me.

And oh, what should I say about Yogyakarta?
Thank you again God, for placing me here, in Yogyakarta, a very modest city with a perfect ambience, a perfect environment to study and to learn about what is ‘life’. I love the philosophy of this city, I love the culture, I love almost every single thing in this city.

I know I complain about lame mall and how they don’t have a decent bookstore like Kinokuniya or Aksara, I also complain about how hard is it to find a nice clothes and how stupid the motorcycle riders in here.
But hey, I also complain about Jakarta (a lot of time, almost every day), but I still love that city very much. Jakarta and Yogyakarta have their own flaws, and I’m as a good citizen, will take their flaws as it is.

My first life who I ‘expect’ to be veryhard, turns out to be really nice. The more I know about Jogja, the more I love about this city, same thing to UGM, same thing to HI, same thing to this new episode of my life, I’m likin it and I’m on my way to lovin it.
I’m getting more and more excited to spend the next 3 years in here, (though I need a daily dosage of Jakarta, like twice a year or every holiday that possibly give me chance to feel the metropolitan atmosphere)

FLAZZ NEWSS
1. I’m a proud kid! I can memorize a lot of Yogyakarta’s street by now! And guess what? I can tell direction by north, south, west, east. HA HA. Eat that!
2. I love Yogya’s air early in the morning and late at night, it’s very cool..and fresh. HOWEVER, JOGJA’S AIR IN THE AFTERNOON, LIKE PAST 9 O’CLOCK IS DEADLY BURNING. It makes you wanna stay inside a room the whole day. Crazy shit.
3. My sweet and kind mom bought me a folding bike! YEYEYEYEYEYE! I hardly use it though, since the weather always act like a crazy shit. I promise I’ll use it a lot, later.
4. This is not important, and I know you’ll be like = why the hell you’ve to tell us this? But I need to tell you this. Everytime I go to campus in the morning, I can see gedung Graha Sbha Pramana blending with Mount Merapi in the background and it’s an extremely enchanting view..Graha Sbha Pramana’s roof resembles the Mount Merapi summit.I got chill everytime I look at this view and my eyes got watery..It's breathtaking, like literally took your breath away.
5. I’m a very very consumptive person, and I’m very loyal,to myself, I buy anything I want eventhough I dont need it.. but… since I’m a college kid who study far away from home (apa ya bahasa londo nya anak rantau?), I need to stop, like I really really need to stop being a consumptive person. I’m always broke at the end of the month, and my monthly pocket money is supposedly more than enough for Jogja’s standard. If I keep this ‘urbane’ culture, I might as well can't eat in the last week of the month.
6. I really want to learn Javanese people philosophy and culture. Like those ancient Javanese people, it’s very interesting, don’t you think?
7. I found a heaven on Yogyakarta.A heaven of my style.It's called Shopping Centre, no it's not a place to shop clothes and hedonistic stuff, it's a place full of my favorite thing : BOOK!!!!!!! A LOT AND LOT AND LOTSA BOOK!!!! And with a very affordable price, designed for collegians :) ayayay!

This time. Reality's the winner. :)

The matter of Past,Present,Future

2010-08-29T10:59:00.000-07:00
I want to move on and keep moving forward to the future, but I want to see you in my future…

The matter of past, present and future always bothers me.

People changes.

Those people in your past might still be there in your future, or they might not.

And when they’re not the part of your future. When they’re not there in your new phase of life.
It hurts like hell.

You might have new people in your future, but the thought of those people in your past wont ever be removed from your mind.

The saddest thing ever is when someone you know, become someone you knew.

I’ve decided not to give up on those people I favour, but sometimes they’re the one who give up, and trying to keep a good and proper relationship if there’s only effort from one side is not gonna work, I got tired and I let go, so forgive me, but I’ll do my best to not give up on you.

So, don’t give up on me.

I want you to be the part of my past, be here with me in this present time, and be there later in the future.

2010-08-25T11:02:00.000-07:00

It’s been a week since the first day of PPSMB (Pembelajaran Mahasiswa Baru,Ospek,whatever, you name it). It’s been 3 days since the first day of college.I’m officialy a college kid, and I’m in the state of confusion.
Let me give you an introduction.I got accepted in Gadjah Mada University, the oldest university in Indonesia, located in Yogyakarta.I majored in International Relations, under the Faculty of Political and Social Science or known as FISIPOL (Fakultas Ilmu Sosial dan Politik).

I had a Pra PPSMB on August 16th and then followed by PPSMB Fakultas from August 18th to August 20th and then finished by PPSMB Jurusan from August 21st to August 22nd.
There are lots and lots of thing to tell, lots and lots stories to tell. But I’m just gonna pointed out a few important parts.
Done with English. At least I tried.

Kelompok PPSMB Fakultas gue dibagi jadi 30 kelompok, dan kemudian dibagi lagi jadi 4 Cluster (Papua, Sumatera,Kalimantan,Sulawesi << disesuaikan dengan tema PPSMB FIsipol UGM yaitu New Story in Unity).Gue berada di Kelompok 27 yang sangat multirasial karena kita semua berasal dari daerah yang berbeda, mulai dari Medan sampe Bali.Nama kelompok gue Manokwari dan kita ada di Cluster Papua.
Menurut rumor yang beredar, PPSMB Fisipol itu fun dan paling nyantai dibanding fakultas lain.Tapi karena gue masih kebayang bayang kaderisasi subsie 8 dan orientasi NOD jadinya bawaan gue PPSMB a.k.a Ospek ini ya horror aja gitu. Well it turns out that the rumor’s not really a rumor, it was indeed fun.
Isi ospek ini Cuma yel-yel, menghafalkan Mars Fisipol, Hymne Gadjah Mada, beberapa materi dan games games. Disaat fakultas lain ribet dengan segala macam pernak pernik dan masih pake setelan Maba (Rok item, Kemeja putih, dasi, jas almamater), Maba Fisipol pake jeans..dan kemeja yang ditentukan. Jeans compared to skirts..damn dude, I’m lucky.

Yang bisa gue simpulkan dari Ospek ini adalah : betapa beruntung dan betapa gue harus bersyukur gue diterima di UGM yang notabene nya merupakan salah satu Universitas yang baik di Indonesia.Gue bersyukur karena anak anak dari jurusan gue (Hubungan Internasional) sangat kompeten dan keliatan gitu bedanya, meskipun itu bikin gue terintimidasi dan bikin gue bener2 merasa ciut. Gue tuh kurang banget wawasan dan gue gak ngerti kenapa ya gue ada di HI.Sebenernya kenapa gue milih HI? Selain karena gue pengen ke luar negeri ya. Tapi ya seperti yang sudah gue pernah bilang di postingan2 gue dahulu2, gue merasa ini adalah sebua misi dari Tuhan yang harus gue penuhi : menuntut ilmu di HI UGM.

Ini ada beberapa hal yang gue inget dari selama Ospek:
“Kalau ingin mengenal Indonesia, datanglah ke Yogyakarta, kalau ingin mengenal Yogyakarta,datanglah ke UGM, kalau ingin mengenal UGM datanglah ke FISIPOL, kalau ingin mengenal FISIPOL datanglah ke jurusan Hubungan Internasional”

Secara tidak langsung gue disini sedang belajar mengenal Indonesia, dengan cara berinteraksi dengan berbagai macam orang dari berbagai macam daerah asal, semuanya berkumpul disini, menjadi anak rantau, sama sama berjuang, rasanya itu sangat menyenangkan dan rasa kekeluargaan dan kebersamaan itu lebih gampang terasa. Jadi kalau ada yang namanya adaptasi susah? Ya ngga juga sih. Secara semua orang senasib disini, kita jadi lebih gampang mengkondisikan diri dengan satu sama lain.Terusnya lagi, dengan mengenal berbagai macam orang, gak Cuma yang dari Jakarta, dan dengan menjadi minoritas, sangat membuka fikiran gue yang sempit ini, dan gue jadi lebih bertoleransi dan gak jumawa jadi orang.

“Ada tiga jenis intelektual. Intelektual yang pertama adalah intelektual yang setelah selesai belajar, dia mengkontribusikan ilmunya untuk membangun Negara.Yang kedua, intelektual yang apatis dan masa bodoh, setelah selesai studinya, dia tidak melakukan apa apa lagi.Yang ketiga, intelektual yang materialistis, dia menjual ilmunya ke pihak lain semata mata untuk kepentingan materi” – Bapak Amien Rais di Studium Generale pengenalan jurusan HUbungan Internasional (Ospek Jurusan HI Hari ke2).

UGM itu sangat nasionalis.Sementara gue? Gue itu cenderung apatis.Gue nasionalis ikut ikutan.Kalo lagi ada Thomas dan Uber Cup gue nasionalis, pas lagi exchange gue jadi nasionalis karena gue merasa gue adalah representative Indonesia di Utah.Tapi selebihnya? Gue ga pernah berfikir untuk berkontribusi untuk Indonesia, membangun Indonesia untuk jadi lebih baik, dan memperbaiki Indonesia yang sedang sakit parah.Gue malah berfikir untuk menjadi intelektual ke tiga. Tapi di Kampus Biru di BUlaksumur ini gue jadi mikir ulang : Kapan Indonesia mau berubah jadi lebih baik kalo semua intelektual potensial nya pada lari ke luar dan lebih milih kerja di luar? Siapa yang mau membangun bangsa kita ini? Gue berharap gue bisa jadi seorang intelektual yang nasionalis dan idealis. Thanks UGM, sudah menjauhkan gue dari NEOLIB.

Di HI gue nemu orang orang yang bisa gue ajak berdiskusi, berwawasan luas tapi gak songong, dan ya kayak enak aja gitu ngomongin isu isu sekarang..hal hal yang mungkin belom bisa gue lakukan pas SMA dan hal yang telah gue rindukan sejak SMA. Gue bener2 harus banyak bersyukur.

Sekarang gue bisa jawab, kenapa jauh jauh ke Yogyakarta Chos? Gue bisa bilang : Kuliah itu dalam masa 4 tahun bukan Cuma untuk menuntut ilmu tapi juga belajar tentang kehidupan, lebih memahami diri kita sendiri, apa visi dan misi kita dalam kehidupan, lebih banyak membaca, lebih mingle ke masyarakat dan belajar lebih mencintai Indonesia. Belum lagi alasan2 klise seperti : belajar mandiri dan prihatin.Klise tapi bener. Kalau kita ga pernah belajar mandiri dan prihatin kita akan stuck disitu situ aja. We have to move out of our comfort zone if we truly want to grow up.

Kalau gue di Jakarta, bisa dipastikan gue hanya akan menjadi anak anak kebanyakan dengan budaya konsumtif dan gaya setinggi langit tapi omongan kosong. Dan lebih parahnya lagi, gue gak akan pernah tuh kefikiran kalau belajar dan kuliah itu untuk memberikan suatu kontribusi bagi Indonesia tercinta ini.
Hey dear Indonesia, my beloved country, I’m proud to be an Indonesian and I promise I will study my ass off and contribute to the society and I will devoted my knowdlege for you..I want to you’re your almost-incureable disease.

Sekian berita berita dari UGM. Besok ada pelajaran Politik Luar Negeri dan Diplomasi RI. Berita berita mengenai perkuliahan akan diberitakan setelah saya mengikuti kegiatan perkuliahan selama seminggu.

Hidup Mahasiswa Indonesia, Hidup Mahasiswa Gadjah Mada.

“Kepada para mahasiswa
Yang merindukan kejayaan
Kepada rakyat yang kebingungan
Di persimpangan jalan
Kepada pewaris peradaban
Yang telah menggoreskan
Sebuah catatan kebanggaan
Di lembar sejarah manusia

Wahai kalian yang rindu kemenangan
Wahai kalian yang turun ke jalan
Demi mempersembahkan jiwa dan raga
Untuk negeri tercinta”

I Gusti Ayu Azarine Kyla Arinta. Yogyakarta, 26 Agustus 2010.

The Temper Trap

2010-08-13T21:51:00.000-07:00

The Temper Trap is an alternative rock band from Melbourne, Australia noted for its atmospheric sound, featuring grand guitars set to pulsating rhythms.The Temper Trap consist of Dougie Mandagie as vocalist (He's Indonesian!), Jonathon Aherne as bassist and vocals, Lorenzo Silitto as lead guitarist, keyboardist+vocals, and Toby Dundas as drummer.

My first rendezvous with their song was from a movie called 500 Days of Summer (Featuring the super exquisite human being : Joseph Gordon Leavitt), their song : Sweet Disposition (their most world wide known song) was featured as the soundtrack of the movie.

Sweet Disposition is a perfect arrangement of a song.Very emotional and bewildering.It's like the musical notes hit me at the right part of my heart and brain.I dont know much about music and stuff but I absolutely love Sweet Disposition and I will never get tired of it (Played 1796 times in my iPod, number 2 in most played list) ,I love the soothing sounds in the intro, I love the lyrics, I love the feeling when I rushed by Jalan HR Rasuna Said at night with Ichuel and listening to this song, it makes me feel....young..and alive. It pumps up my mood but it saddens me at the same time.This is a song with a 'memory' on every word in the lyrics, and every tunes that comes out from it.After the first rendezvous, I immediately search who sings the song and I found out that they've just launched their first album : Conditions.

I downloaded all their song and I,without hesitation, fell in love, it's that kind of album on which I can listen to all the songs in the album.It's hard to find this kind of album, there are only a few album who made that list (Keane's Hopes&Fears, Muse's Black Hole&Revelations and Absolution, Miike Snow's Miike Snow, Coldplay's Viva La Vida and A Rush of Blood to the Head, Kings of Convenience's Riot on an Empty Street and Declaration of Dependent, Klaxons's Myths of the Near Future, Kaiser Chiefs's Yours Truly Angry Mob, Phoenix's Wolfgang Amadeus Phoenix) See? there are only a few album that made 'the list'.

I know that since Dougie is an Indonesian, and they have quite a lot of fans (and many phony lovers who love them and blabber in Twitter how much they love Temper Trap just because the Sweet Disposition song), someone gonna bring them here, someone gonna make them perform in Indonesia anytime soon.

I just dont expect that it'll be in this November. N-O-V-E-M-B-E-R. Which is like 3 months away. Doh.
I just dont expect they will come when I already leave Jakarta and move out 350 KM away from Jakarta.(Sigh, expense, expense, I'm a college kid faraway from house with a tight budget, no more splurging, and any kind of transportation from Jogja to Jkt is terribly expensive, sigh sigh sigh).

So yes, The Temper Trap is comin to town! And guess who brings them here? Ismaya group.Ismaya Group who owns Pizza Ebirra, Kitchenette, Social House, Blowfish, Dragonfly..My friends and I love Ismaya's venue, we've tried a few of their venue and we love the atmosphere of their venue, we think that they're a brilliant decorator and they surely have a great concept for a venue. So am I happy? Of course I am. I could shit my pants when Dey told me the news. Why am I that happy? Because it's gonna be the first time I'll land my ass again in Jakarta since I leave Jakarta on August 5th (Yes.indeed.I'm not comin home in Idul Fitri, shame shame).And because I can watch it with one of my favorite crowd : Dey and Ujang. (We've never watch a concert together before, have we?)

Well then problem comes, as usual, shit happens, right? Ismaya's having a Pre Sale at this current time. Pre Sale 1: 225k, Pre Sale 2: 275k, Pre Sale 3: 325k. Dey and Ujang are busy with college stuff, so no they cant queue in the line to get the precious Pre Sale 1 ticket, and me? I effin live 350 KM away as I told you before.

At first I dont want to watch them if I can't get the Pre Sale 1 (because money is a big deal for me now, I might not even be able to eat McDonalds because I spend my money for this), at the second thought..I know I'll regret it for the rest of my life If I dont watch them (Like I'm still regretting myself for not watching Keane's show in Salt Lake City a year ago).So yeah, I decided to go with the Pre Sale 3. Fuck McDonald and Sushi, I can wait to eat them pronto after I arrived in Jakarta on the sweet November 13th.

And well,just like the lyrics in Sweet Disposition : Just stay there..cause I'll be coming over, while our blood still young, so young it runs..won't stop till it's over, won't stop to surrender.

The Temper Trap on Nylon 09' about Sweet Disposition :"When we're young, we act first and think later. But as adults, we rationalize everything. Basically, the song is about capturing the innocence of youth"

Conditions album by The Temper Trap

How far I've been?

2010-08-10T20:27:00.000-07:00
I've been far enough. I've settled down in Yogyakarta, gonna spend a lot of time here for the next 4 years.

Right now I'm typing this entry in my brand new room, I like it (a lot), it's basically a room-came-true.. I've always wanted a big cupboard with a mirror on it and an United States flag bedcover and sheet and no bed, just a simple futon. (But damn, the futon's hard, it feels like sleeping in a brick).

PS : I'm not a fan of Real Madrid, my mom choose the carpet for me.And no, I dont have any idea why it has to be Real Madrid.. -,-

Excursion : Pulau Tidung, May 22-23rd 2010.

2010-05-25T00:59:00.001-07:00

"Beauty memories of all the places, we captured with our camera, we've seen the pyramids, we've seen the Louvre, we've seen Orion upside down. The total eclipses and the moonlight shadows.We've seen dolphins jumping waves, we've skied the mountains and we swam in the rivers, and let the sunlight dry our skins. But freedom, freedom never greater than its owner, freedom is the mastery of the known. Freedom freedom never greater than its owner. No view is wider than the eye" – Freedom and Its Owner by Kings of Convenience
(haven't seen Pyramids, Louvre or Orion upside down, but someday I will! I've seen dolphins jumping waves, I've skied the mountains, I've swaw in the rivers, I've let sunlight dry(and burn) my skins and I want more)

What's better than a blue sky with a cirrus clouds and a dazzled ray from the sun along with the wind breeze and a marvelous blue sea? On the top of that, I sat on the roof of a wooden boat, listening to the placid and relaxing music from Kings of Convenience.

I've just take a brief visit to Pulau Tidung last weekend. Pulau Tidung is located in Thousand Islands area, 3 hours boat ride from Muara Angke harbor.A splendid getaway from Jakarta's noises and pollution. There's only one boat scedhule to Pulau Tidung, it's an early ride, the boat is leaving at 7 A.M. sharp.The price you have to pay is very affordable, only about 33.000 IDR, or about 4 USD. However, don't expect a nice speed boat with an air conditioner and a comfy chair to sit on.The boat is a wooden boat, a hardcore one! People sit on the roof and on the side of the boat, well you can sit inside but prepare yourself to die from the heat! It's much better to sit outside because eventhough the sun is burning, you can enjoy the view of the enchanting ocean and feel the nice breeze blowing your hair. Don't forget to use your sunblock though! The sun's quite cruel. Oh don't worry about the 3 hours ride, it's not gonna be a boring ride, you'll enjoy it because the view is breathtaking.
The boat was quite on time, I arrived at exactly 10 A.M. My guide gathered our group and gave us a little explanation about Pulau Tidung. In Pulau Tidung, the native citizens rent their houses for visitors (homestay), the price ranges from 100.000 IDR to 350.000 IDR / night. My group was divided into three houses. I stayed in a house with two rooms and quite a nice bathroom (YEAH DON'T EXPECT FOR AIR CONDITIONER IN HERE, I DOUBT ANYONE IN THE ISLAND HAS ONE). Pulau Tidung is known as one of the best destination for snorkeling, diving,fishing, and also for biking! Yeah! Biking! Don't forget to rent a bike from the natives, they rent it only for 15.000 IDR/day. You can use the bike to explore the island (it is worth to explore, there are surprises everywhere in the island).So by the way, after I put all my stuff in the house, my sister and I decided to biked around the island and then we went back to the house and prepare ourself for another boat ride to Pulau Payung, yes baby we're gonna go snorkeling and fishing! I don't know how much you have to pay for a snorkeling gear and guides but I guess it's below 100.000 IDR because I only spent 300.000 IDR for a 2 day and 1 night trip (it includes EVERYTHING : a house to stay, bike, snorkeling, boat ride, meals, etc).
Well as I said before, it's a very great place to snorkel, you can see a lot of pretty corals in the ocean, but there are not much fishes around. We went snorkel from 2 P.M to 5 P.M. The most fun part of this trip was the boat trip, the sky were really pretty at that time and the sun wasn't that deadly burning.

After 3 hours in the ocean, we went back to the bridge that connects Pulau Tidung Besar and Pulau Tidung Kecil. (Yes, there are two island, Pulau Tidung Kecil is inhabited though, but it's a nice place to take a walk through a forest, I recommend you to put on a huge amount of Autan before you go to take a walk around here, the MOSQUITOS ARE CRAZY). I was able to capture a sunset (YEAY! FINALLY!), and then my group and I just walked along the bridge and enjoying the view of a clear blue ocean.

I really wish I have a wide lens for my camera. I'll probably have a better photos and can show how great the landscape was.
On day 2. I took a walk to Pulau Tidung Kecil. There were nothing much around there, but there's a grave of Panglima Hitam, a guy who first found Pulau Tidung. I also took a few picture of Pulau Tidung Kecil beaches. It's much better beach than Pulau Tidung Besar, because there're less garbages around. (Yeah too bad, the island is recently became over exposed causing an enormous amount of visitors whose successfully trashed the island, damnyou stupid people, THERE ARE GARBAGE CAN EVERYWHERE. WHAT ON EARTH ARE YOU THINKING? THROWING GARBAGES EVERYWHERE LIKE THAT? SHIT. I HATE THOSE STUPID BRAINLESS PEOPLE).
Well.That's the story of my weekend! I'm planning to go to Pangandaran, Batu Karas, and Green Canyon on June 11^th – 13^th. And also KARIMUN JAWA!!!! Actually, I really really want to go to Bromo, but it's too expensive and I have no money :,(

Guess what I found?

2010-05-19T03:56:00.000-07:00
A letter to my host family!. I made this on 2008! God, that was 2 years ago.Well this letter had succesfuly brought me to United States of America. Well here's my letter!

Dear Mr. / Mrs. : My future host family in United States of America. Hello there , how do you do ? I hope everything is fine. It’s been a really long time I haven’t write any letter to someone so pardon me if my grammar or my choice of word is kind of bad. Well after all I hope I wrote a nice letter.

Let me introduce myself to you, my full name is I Gusti Ayu Azarine Kyla Arinta, I’m Balinese, and well everyone used to call me Rinta. I’m 15 by now but in 25th July this year I’ll be 16 years old. I was born in a small town called Balikpapan, it’s located in East Borneo. I spent my first seven years there with my family , my dad & mom, my two elder sisters, and my loyal servant. At the age of 8 we’re all moved out to Jakarta, the capital city of Indonesia and after 4 years at the age of 12 my dad passed away due to heart attack. That moment is the saddest moment in my life, but well life must go on. Besides my family I also have many relatives, I have grandma and grandpa , 11 uncles, 11 aunt, and 22 cousins! That’s a really big family and I really love them all because they’re all great people. Family is the most important thing in my life because I do believe that great people comes from great family and my family is great so I’ll be a great people J .

That’s enough about my family and now I’ll tell about other important thing in my life; my friend. I really love to have many friends because it’s brighten up my day and I do love to make friends everywhere and everytime. Most of my friends are my schoolmates and my coursemates. Everyone are my friends but I have some special friends, there’re 9 of them from my Junior High School and then the other 7 from my Senior High School and beside that there’s also my close friends in my 2nd grade at Senior High School, they’re my classmates , the best classmates ever and the coolest one. Most of my schoolmates friends comes from my basketball teammates and my organization.

And then now, I’ll tell you about my schedules and my routinity everyday. Well , I go to school 5 a days just like the other normal students. I really love to go to school and met people out there but well to be honest I don’t really love to met my teacher especially if they’re annoying. But I still love school though. At the morning I always pray together with my family and then I’ll prepared to go to school then go to school. The school is really fun because I can play with my friends and study the subject I like, I like geography,history,English,germany,and physical education always been my favorite subject. The school bell rang at 4 p.m and after school I always wandering around the school waiting for my friend’s driver to come because I always go home with my friend. At home my mostly activity are reading,playing video games,watching tv,or surfing on internet. Well actually I read a lot and after my mom come home from office I’ll share my story with her and we’ll have dinner together and spent time at night. I rarely study , I only study if I want to or if there’s homework or task or test. Oh yeah I also love to write a blog and keeping a daily journal.

At weekend I mostly go out with my friends or my family, I love to go out and walk around and well I love being outdoor and do some sports, sun is good for your health!

My hobby is mostly sports thing and then video games of course, reading, I really love to watch movies and listening to the music too. Oh well I’m kind of interested in photography right now. I like many things and dislikes a little things. I like music and sports mostly because it’s been my thing and well I can’t play music instrument or even singing but I really love to listen to the music, I love every kind of band from UK my favorite are Coldplay,Muse,Keane,and The Beatles for sure, I love any kind of sports that can makes me sweat. Well yeah again I love being outdoor and met people. I only dislike when I lost my thing but I’m way too careless so I always lost my thing but I try hard to minimize my carelessness.

Oh I also love pets! I love cats, well afraid of dog but I have dog once and someone stole it and I’m like crying for a week because I really love my dog , he’s so cute. And yeah I’m little bit lazy that’s why I want to go far from home because from my experience if I live far from my mom I’ll be really independent . I really want to go there and feel tp live out there alone and try to organize myself and have some wonderful experience. I’m really excited to meet you, I hope I write a nice letter. Thank you very much for reading my letter.

Best Regards!

Short time; Tight budget : Tour de Yogyakarta

2010-05-18T02:59:00.001-07:00

A street musician performing inside of the tunnel in Taman Sari.
On May 13^th, I took a bus to the city where I'm going to stay for the next 4 years, Special Region of Yogyakarta or known as Jogja.Ajay, my friend who's going to study in Medical Faculty of Gadjah Mada University (UGM), came along with me, we're on a mission to find a decent and amiable place to live in Jogja.
It was the first time I ever rode a bus to Jogja.I usually go there by train or plane.It was a 12 hours drive, I thought it's going to be a nightmare, but I was wrong, the bus has bigger space than the train and it was far more cozy with all the blanket and pillow.I didn't have any trouble sleeping for more than 9 hours.The rest of the hours I spent it talking randomly with Ajay and listen to my dear iPod, Lennon.
Okay, Let me introduce Jogja, the city that never fails to mesmerize me, no matter how many times I've been there.I love the atmosphere of Jogja, the clean air I'm breathing (even though it's hot as hell in there and the weather is super moody). Jogja reminds me of Utah: I can see mountain from the city (Mt. Merapi), people tell direction by North, South, East, West (which confuses the hell out of me because I'm used to Jakartans who tell direction by Left or Right). Well life's like simpler and more natural in there, and I can ride a bike without having to worry about suffering respiratory disease caused by air pollution J

By the way, here's a glimpse about Jogja: The Special Region of Yogyakarta is the smallest province of Indonesia (excluding Jakarta) is located on the island of Java (South – Central). Yogyakarta is the only province in Indonesia that is still governed by that area's pre-colonial monarchy; The Sultan of Yogyakarta serves as the elected governor of the province (The current sultan is Sultan Hamengkubuwono X). The population of Jogja in 2003 was approximately 3,000,000 (1/4 of Jakarta's population). Jogja is known as a center of classical Javanese fine art and culture such as batik, ballet, drama, music, poetry and puppet shows. It is also famous as a center for Indonesian higher education (Jogja's nickname includes Student City because there are about 137 college in Jogja and 20% of its productive citizen is a student).
OH AND ONE MORE THING: I CAN EAT WHATEVER I WANT WITH UNREASONABLE PRICE, not because it's too expensive, it's because it's ridiculously cheap.
During my mission, I stayed in a motel 5 minutes away from UGM; guess how many I have to pay for 3 days and 2 nights stay? 150.000 IDR which is like 16 USD, 11 GBP, and 18 AUD.However the room's very small, and it has no air conditioner, but who cares if you going to spend most of your time outside? I slept fine every night because I was too tired from walking and biking to care about an air conditioner.
I arrived in Jogja at May 14^th, and then checked in at the motel, took bath, changed clothes, and then Ajay and I walked along Cik Di Tiro street to found a place to have breakfast. We decided to eat nasi Padang, spent about 15.000 IDR for two nasi Padang (these includes drink).Tasted like heaven, well nasi Padang always taste like heaven for me because it's my favorite food and I eat it almost every day. After had breakfast, we went to my Aunt's house, we were going to borrow her bike and bike around Kaliurang and Pogung Baru to look for a place to live. My aunt's house is in Wolter Mongonsidi, it's like 2 KM away from Kaliurang.. How was the bike ride?
TIRING, I WAS DEAD TIRED BY THE END OF THE DAY, not to mention it was very hot and then it was pouring rain and then it was hot again and then it was pouring rain again (curse you moody weather), my face was burned and yeah I didn't have any sun block (I decided not to go anywhere this week in order to retrieve my normal skin color because I have graduation next week, but damn I'm going to Tidung Island for snorkeling this weekend). Did I find any place to live? UNFORTUNATELY EVERY SINGLE LIVING PLACE IS FULL. OH MY GOD IT'S ONLY MAY, THE SCHOOL'S GONNA START ON AUGUST FOR GOD'S SAKE. WHERE AM I GONNA LIVE? Well….it turns out that my aunt going to move to a new place, therefore her house is going to be empty on July, but my mom and sister want a house with a garage! ARGH. WELL YOU GUYS DECIDE WHERE I'M GONNA LIVE, JUST SO YOU KNOW IT'S FRUSTRATING TO GO FROM HOUSE TO HOUSE LOOKING FOR A PLACE TO RENT.
Well May 15^{th, the next day,} washed my bad mood away. I went on a little trip around Jogja that day.Ajay and I took Trans Jogja to Malioboro and we went to Tourist Information Centre (God, I feel like a real tourist! So exciting), we actually plan to watch Sendratari Ramayana in Prambanan, too bad the ticket was expensive, it's about 250.000 IDR, and it was fully booked. But we still went to Prambanan though. We took a little walk around Yogyakarta's Sultanate and Vredeburg Fort (it's actually a museum, displaying a diorama of Indonesia's condition after proclamation of Indonesia's independence on August 17^th 1945, the diorama concentrates on The Sultanate's role and Yogyakarta's role). I was kinda disappointed by the condition of the Yogyakarta's Sultane, it's very messy and it looks like it's been abandoned for years. Taman Sari is even more like an abandoned forgotten place, (Taman Sari is a place where Sultan usually takes bath along with his fellow mistresses).The earthquake on 2006 is one of the reason why the place's so messed up.
After a long walk from Malioboro to Alun Alun Selatan, once again we took Trans Jogja, our next destinations: Prambanan Temple. Prambanan Temple is the largest Hindu temple in Indonesia. From what I know, it has 3 main shrines, resembling the three highest God in Hindu religion: Brahma, Vishnu, and Syiwa.Eventhough it was a rainy and gloomy day, Prambanan Temple still looked very enchanting. During a walk back to Trans Jogja, I tried to call back memory from my elementary years when I watched the great Sendtratari Ramayana, I remember it was a really great show and I would love to see it again someday.
See you soon, Yogyakarta.
Sincerely, your future citizen and a big fan of you.
PS:
Jogja's known for its sweet food, I once taste a sweet Mie Ayam, GAH, WHAT'S MORE TERRIBLE THAN A SWEET MIE AYAM? One thing I hate about the food is the sweet taste, if it's not sweets or desserts it shouldn't be sweet. Long live nasi Padang!
Somehow people there tend to speak very s-l-o-w-l-y. I know it's their culture but I'm not used to it, yet.
There are a lot of comfy bistros in Jogja, once I settle down; I'll definitely take a look at every single bistro in there.

Tourist information centre. Just a 100 metres away from Malioboro Mall.

Vredeburg Fort.The statue on the left is the great Liutenant General Soedirman.The statue on the right is Oerip Sumihardjo, remember "Adalah aneh suatu Negara zonder tentara" ? Yep, that's his statement.

Taman Sari. Sultan and his mistresses took bath in here once a month (according to my guide).Sultan would go to a higher place and threw flower to the pool, the mistress who luckily got the flower will then take a private bath with the Sultan.
There's an interesting story about one of the room in Taman Sari; so there's a room where the Sultan usually took prayer, it is rumored that after the Sultan took prayer, the room opened its way to Nyi Roro Kidul's palace (Yeah the Queen of the Southern Sea of Java). CREEPY MUCH? YEP BUT DAMN ISN'T IT ABSOLUTELY INTERESTING?

PRAMBANAN TEMPLE

Falling Slowly : The ballad of UI&SIMAK UI

2010-05-12T11:15:00.001-07:00

Hey dear UI, it'll be weird if I don't write any of my disappointment after you rejected me. I was so into you for a lot of months. You've succesfuly distract me away from my true love, UGM, even just for a little while, I've to admit that you're a big distraction and I fell in love with you, I fell deep but somehow I managed to recover. I wrote your name everywhere, literally, if I'm allowed to have a tattoo, I would have a tattoo of your great Makara in my back.
Dear UI, I was so into you from August, September, October, November, December, January, February = 7 months, holy shit. That's how long you distract me away from UGM.I can't wait to have your acceptance, I can't wait to wear your magnetic yellow jacket and proudly announce to my family that I'm a student in one of the best university in Indonesia. Hey dear, eventhough your rank are below UGM, I want to let you know that you're more provoking and captivating.. you are still considered the most prestigious university in Indonesia. Why? Probably because you have such a great link toward a great carreer? Or maybe because Sri Mulyani graduated from you?
Dear UI, do you know that I've sacrifice so many quality time for myself just to have your acceptance? Do you know that I've spent a lot of night suffering in front of my study desk? Do you know that you're the most talked subject everytime I chatted with my friends ? God. I was so in love….I can't deny it.
But well, what I thought is perfect for me maybe isn't perfect in God's point of view.When the times were getting closer to UGM's test and your test, and the announcement, I prayed to Allah : Allah the most Merciful, please give me the 'BEST', put me in a place where I can shine out the best, where I can get closer to you, where I can learn more about myself. And dear UI, the answer's not you. Was I heartbroken? Well yeah, a little, you know how much I was into you, right?
However, as I said before, UGM is my true love, when UGM announced that I'm gonna be a student of UGM majoring in International Relations, I immediately forget about you. I used to pray to have your acceptance, but not anymore since UGM declared their acceptance. I was too overwhelmed, I forget how lovely you were. But then, May 8^th came along, you declared your 'precious' acceptance. I didn't know what's getting into my mind at that time, I lost my curiousity to know whether you accept me or not, I was thinking whether you accept my classmates or not. You did accept some of my classmates, you accept more than 190 students of my school…but dear UI…you rejected me..
The weird thing is I feel nothing, I feel like : well…I wasn't smart enough then. BUT HOW COULD I FEEL NOTHING WHEN I WAS SO INTO YOU BEFORE?
I WAS MOURNING OVER A BOOK CALLED PERSIAPAN SIMAK UI. Anti-Climax…right, that's how our relationship went.
Dear University of Indonesia, I don't question my love for Gadjah Mada University, I love this Gadjah with all my soul, wait soul? 'soul'! Ah! Got it! It was a soulless affection, what I have was a soulless affection dear UI. It was pure obsession. A blinded obsession. Okay, UI, I really hope you accept some more students from my school, especially my classmates, you won't regret it, they are a high quality human being, very educated and morally superb. AMIN.
UI nama besarmu membutakan banyak orang, begitu pula aku, aku telah terbutakan oleh obsesi, aku kira kaulah satu satunya jalan menuju kesuksesan, tapi ternyata aku telah berfikiran sempit, yang aku yakini sekarang adalah : dimanapun aku berada, di universitas apapun, aku bisa jadi orang sukses jika aku percaya aku akan sukses dan jika aku telah mendeterminasikan diri untuk menjadi orang sukses. So long UI, farewell.

PS :
How could I say I'm not heartbroken? I'm clearly heartbroken.. liat aja apa yang gue tulis. Gue mencoba menghibur diri sendiri, menghibur diri sendiri adalah salah satu tanda patah hati. (teori bikinan sendiri)
Masih mencoba meyakinkan diri bahwa HI UGM sama bagusnya dengan HI UI. Tapi susah karena HI UI kayaknya eksklusif bgt cuma ada 40an murid sementara HI UGM 100an. ARGH GILA NEH.
Quotes – quotes mendukung :
"I can't remember when it was good, moments of happiness in bloom, maybe I just misunderstood all of the love we left behind, watching the flashback intertwine --- I think our live has just begun, I think our live has just begun" – MUSE "Falling Away With You"
"Even though you've waited so long to see the day, When she will turn to you again, So long my friend, is what you'll say" – Keane "The Way You Want It"
WHEN THOUGHTS HAD OUTNUMBERED SPOKEN WORDS IN THE EARLY HOURS. WE FAILED TO ESTABLISHED WHO WAS HURT, MOST – KOC "RENEGADE"

The freedom and simple beauty is too good to pass up : West Java trip.

2010-05-11T06:34:00.001-07:00

Sejak nonton Soe Hok Gie, gue jatuh cinta sama alam, ditambah dengan nonton Into The Wild, dan diperkuat lagi dengan kepergian gue ke Utah yang notabene Allahuakbar bentang alamnya. Gue sendiri bingung kenapa gue ga masuk subsie Puapala (Putra Putri Pecinta Alam, subsie pecinta alam di SMA Negeri 8 Jakarta), tapi mungkin karena waktu itu gue terombang ambing dan bingung harus pilih subsie Mesis (Media Siswa) atau Puapala, gue ga bisa milih antara keduanya karena gue mau keduanya, karena itulah akhirnya gue memutuskan untuk masuk subsie Olahraga ketimbang harus pilih salah satu antara Mesis atau Puapala.

Jadi kan ya gue sedang liburan super panjang sekarang, sampe Agustus cuy, nah my super kind Mommy berinisiatif mengajak gue liburan ala petualang, karena dia tau cuma gue doang yang akan mau diajak trekking dan naik gunung dan hal hal macam itu. Maka didaftarkanlah gue ikut trip ke Gunung Galunggung di Jawa Barat yg di adakan oleh Stalagmite Adventure kepunyaan Om Ondo Sirait. Tanggal 7 Mei 2010 kemaren gue memulai liburan itu, berkumpul dengan sekitar 22an orang lainnya yang ternyata sudah pernah liburan semacam ini, yep, gue dan nyokap adalah amatiran di rombongan itu. Bis meluncur dari point bertemu di Plaza Semanggi jam 10 malam. Perjalanan ke kaki Gunung Galunggung yang deket Tasikmalaya ini memakan waktu sekitar 7 jam. Jam 5 pagi tanggal 8 Mei gue sudah sampe di kaki gunungnya, udaranya seger, udah lama banget ga merasakan udara seger tak berpolusi. Makan minum sebentar (coffee tastes so much better when the weather's cold), setelah itu siap siap untuk menaiki 620 anak tangga menuju kawah Gunung Galunggung.

Begitu sampe di puncak dari 620 anak tangga ini bukan berarti berhenti jalan, hahaha, masih adalagi jalan menurun menyusuri tanah tidak stabil dan curam menuju langsung ke danau yg terbentuk akibat letusan Gunung Galunggung ini, trek nya curam dan jauh...tapi worth it kok, begitu sampe di danau nya rombongan sarapan sebentar habis itu jalan lagi menuju gunung kecil yang terletak agak di tengah danau nya. Nah gunung kecil ini dipasangin bendera Indonesia, jadi kesannya macam beneran naik gunung, padahal sih hehe cuma gunung main main. Selesai mengeksplorasi danau dan sekitarnya, rombongan harus balik lagi nih ke tempat semula, yaitu kaki Gunung Galunggung, dan yak betul sekali, trek yang ditelusuri adalah trek ke bawah danau ini, jadi trek curam tadi harus didaki lagi, tapi ternyata lebih gampang pas naik loh daripada pas turun. Pas turun ke tempat bis di parkir gue ga lewatin si anak tangga terkutuk itu lagi, melainkan melalui trek alam yang dipenuhi semak belukar tapi yang jelas sih lebih adem dan lebih ga pegel dari trek anak tangga.Begitu sampe di tempat semula, waduh rasanya lega banget, keringetan sehat gitu rasanya, udah lama sih gak olahraga jadi rasanya bahagia. Pemandangan alam yang Allahuakbar bagus ini bahkan mengalihkan perhatian gue dari hal yang penting sekali yang terjadi hari itu : Pengumuman SIMAK UI.

Btw, trip ini juga merupakan kesempatan hunting foto foto! Gue bertemu para fotografer di rombongan gue, mereka hobi fotografi tapi bedanya mereka dengan gue adalah mereka tidak memakai kamera amatir macam Nikon D40 dengan lensa amatir macam 18-55mm, rata rata sudah mantap gan banget lensanya, ada Pak Marsel yang kameranya Olympus dengan lensa lensa luar biasa (lengkap banget parah lensanya, segala macem ada!), terus ada pasutri Pak Sugi dan Ibu Lucilla yang sama sama pake Canon (yang ini juga gokil lensa lensanya), terus ada Kak/Mas/Om Ery yang hasil fotonya yang sudah di post di Facebook bikin iri banget (BAGUS BGT GILEEE), Kalo gak salah dia pake Canon juga. Terus ada Mbak Tuty dia pake Nikon D90 (impianku huhu) dan Kak/Mas/Om Adhis yang pake Olympus dan satu lagi Mbak Dewi dan Mas David yang pake Nikon juga. Tenang aja, gue kan baru 17 tahun, masih ada waktu menabung untuk lensa lensa dan berpetualang (AMIN).

Setelah selesai trip ke danau kawah Galunggung, bis turun gunung ke arah pemandian air panas, super enak berendem air panas alami setelah cape pegel pegel jalan ber kilo kilometer. (ini lebih capek dari disuruh atletik 2,4 km sama Pak Gatot, bahkan lebih cape daripada disuruh lari keliling West Warren sama Coach Corbridge). Sebenernya gue ga niat keramas tapi apa mau dikata rambut keburu basah kena air terjun. Rebek, mana sendal gue pake ilang satu lagi di kali. Untung di trip selanjutnya ke Kampung Naga gue berhasil membeli sendal bagus dengan harga cuma 10 ribu!! Btw, Kampung Naga yang gue kunjungi ini adalah kampung kecil berpenduduk kurang dari 100 yg beradatkan hampir sama dengan suku Badui di Banten, mereka tidak mengenal listrik. Rumah mereka seragam bentuknya dan dikelilingi sama sawah padi yang super bagus dan sungai yang super bagus juga, cuma dikarenakan hari hujan gue ga ambil foto apa apa karena takut my Nikon D40 yang bernama Kafka terkena hujan dan makin parah ancurnya (lensa gue sedang bermasalah T.T)

Habis dari Kampung Naga, rombongan nginep di penginapan di daerah Garut dan lagi lagi ada pemandian air panas, dan emak gue berenang aja gitu loh malem malem, gue mah ogah. Dibawah ini adalah foto penginapan di Garut. Asik ye keliatan gunung \n.n/

Setelah menginap satu hari, tanggal 9 Mei nya kita lanjut lagi perjalanan, kali ini akan mampir di Situ Bagendit, Candi Cangkuang, dan terakhir di Saung Angklung Udjo. Sebelom ke Situ Bagendit mampir dulu beli oleh oleh, ada dodol keju, (baru tau), penasaran sih tapi gak ada duit hekekek. Udah abis duit buat beli dodol stroberi sm dodol coklat.

Situ Bagendit ini semacam danau, yah sama aja sih kayak danau Situ apa tuh yang kampung Betawi di Jakarta, lupa namanya, tapi bedanya pemandangan disini OKE! Gak cuma bisa ngeliat bebek bebek ato tukang jualan kerak telor doang. Di Situ Bagendit gue naik rakit bambu terus ya biasa foto fotoin emak gue dan menikmati indahnya alam. Cuacanya kebetulan lagi cerah banget hari itu, gue tadinya pake mode Auto buat si Kafka tapi terus gue merasa lebih bagus hasilnya kalo gue pake mode Programmed, jadi gue make mode P terus gue bikin jadi more vivid 2+ dan WB nya gue ubah jadi sunny, di LCD Kafka sih terlihat bagus, tapi ternyata bgitu gue masukin komputer hasilnya jadi apa ye..istilahnya.erm grainy? kayak ada titik titiknya gitu, gambarnya pecah T.T

Dari Situ Bagendit kita lanjut ke Candi Cangkuang, dikenal juga sebagai candi terapung karena dia terletak di tengah pulau kecil di danau kecil juga, untuk kesana kita pake lagi rakit bambu, disini pemandangan juga gak kalah bagusnya, SUBHANALLAH, (inilah kenapa kita harus sering sering jalan dan mengenal alam biar kita bisa menghargai ciptaan Tuhan yang luar biasa indah, jadi lebih banyak bersyukur). Di Cangkuang ini juga ada perkampungan yang namanya Kampung Pulo, isinya cuma....7 RUMAH!!! Gila ya, mau dikata ape. Candi Cangkuang ini adalah Candi Hindu yang ditemukan pada tahun 1966, anehnya walaupun ini peninggalan agama Hindu tapi tepat disamping candi itu ada makam seorang Syekh Islam. Bingung gak? Candi ini juga merupakan satu satunya Candi di daerah Sunda.

Lanjutkan perjalanan dari Candi Cangkuang ke Saung Mang Udjo (SAU). Gue kira trip ke SAU ini bakal boring, TAPI TERNYATA SAYA SALAHHH, gue ter hipnotis(gak literally ya) dengan permainan angklung dan pertunjukkan pertunjukkan di SAU ini. Udah gitu tempat ini sangat bagus dan terawat, mungkin karena biaya masuknya mahal, toiletnya aja bagus bo! dari bambu semua, terus musholla nya juga adem ayem, (kalo misalnya nanti gue punya rumah gue bakalan bangun rumah yang kayak gini, dari bambu dan banyak kolam dan pohonnya, ya semoga aja gak ada uka-uka di antara pohon bambunya).
Host dari pertunjukkannya namanya Teteh Lia, cantik banget macem artis, udah gitu badannya bagus dan doi lancar banget bahasa Inggrisnya. Dia mandu show nya pake dua bahasa karena ada bule bule yang nonton juga. Pertama tama ada simulasi acara sunatan, yang perform anak anak piyik yang sangat lucu, kecil2 bgt tapi udah bisa perform, gue salut! Abis itu ada performance tari merak sama murid murid yang agak udah beranjak dari masa piyik dan ada performance dari murid piyik dan non piyik bareng bareng. Mereka memainkan medley lagu lagu nusantara : Bungong Jeumpa, terus lagu yang pak ketipak ketipung itu loh sori bgt lupa judulnya, terus Kicir Kicir, Cublak Cublak Suweng, dan ditutup dengan Apuse. Habis dari itu, murid murid non piyik main angklung masal lagi, INI PARAH BGT KERENNYA CUYYY, mereka main Eine Kleine Nachtmusik sepertinya.. eh abis itu bagian dari acara ini ternyata mengajari audiences cara main angklung, Teh Lia yang ngajarin, kita diajarin main You Raise Me Up dan Can't Help Falling in Love with You. Ternyata main angklung sangat menyenangkan! Setelah acara selesai, murid murid SAU ini ngajak para audiences buat nari bareng, krn gue males..jd gue pura pura sibuk dengan kamera biar gak ditarik kebawah buat nari bareng, ada bule satu kocak bgt nari sama anak piyik yang kira kira cuma sedengkulnya. Pulang dari sini rombongan gue dihadiahi angklung yang di grafir khusus (Y). SAU sangat reccomended, karena akan membuat anda sadar betapa luar biasa dan kaya dan uniknya budaya asli Indonesia.

Setelah dari SAU, rombongan pun berjalan pulang dengan hati senang ke Jakarta. Thanks ya Om Ondo dan Stalagmite Adventure, perjalannya walaupun cape dan gue kayak abis digebukin begitu sampe rumah tapi puas banget! Insya Allah akan ikut trip ke Pangandaran bulan Juni nanti!

PESAN - PESAN :
1.Dalam grup gue ini orang orangnya udah pada kerja semua dan gue bingung manggil mereka apa, kalo Om lah emang dia om om? kalo Tante lah emang dia tante tante? Kalo Bibi atau Paman, paman dari desa kaleeeee..? Kalo Mbak atau Mas..lah emang gua supir sama embak lu? Kalo panggil nama doang..lah lu pikir lu masih di Amrik? SERBA SALAH BOOOO!.

2.Rata rata orang yang ada di rombongan ini udah dua tiga kali ikutan sama Om Ondo, ternyata memang ya jalan jalan menyusuri alam itu bikin ketagihan! PENGEN LAGEEEE!

3.Di rombongan ini ada orang2 almamater UGM dan alhamdulillah mereka semua sukses, membuatku semakin yakin akanmu Gadjah Mada.

4.Lagu yang paling cocok untuk menyusuri alam adalah lagu lagu nya Beirut, terutama Elephant Gun.

5.MAKIN PENGEN JOIN PECINTA ALAM UGM, PENGEN KE SEMERU OIIII. Ya Allah semoga mama memperbolehkan.

Quotes Quotes pendukung:

"The core of mans' spirit comes from new experiences."
"The freedom and simple beauty is too good to pass up"
Taken from Into The Wild. All quotes by Christopher McCandless.

"Berbagi waktu dengan alam,kau akan tahu siapa dirimu yg sebenarnya,hakikat manusia"
Lirik lagu Gie. Soundtrack nya Soe Hok Gie.

"Sebuah negara tidak akan pernah kekurangan seorang pemimpin apabila anak mudanya sering bertualang di hutan, gunung, dan lautan"
Taken from a book by Donny Dhirgantoro, 5 Cm.

"The best remedy for those who are afraid, lonely or unhappy is to go
outside, somewhere where they can be quiet, alone with the heavens,
nature and God. Because only then does one feel that all is as it should
be and that God wishes to see people happy, amidst the simple beauty of
nature."
A quotes by Anne Frank.
Kalo seandainya ingin melihat semua foto dari ekskursi pertama gue ke alam ini, silahkan ke Facebook gue dan lihat album berjudul -> Excursion : Galunggung, Garut, Bandung.

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Single fighter.Once again

2010-04-25T09:45:00.001-07:00

I'm used to being a "single fighter". Single means "one person or thing;single one;sole;alone" and fighter means "a person with the will, courage, determination, ability, or disposition to fight, struggle, resist, etc.". So in conclusion, I'm that one particular person who fight, struggle, and resist all alone. Why do I refer myself as a "single fighter" ? Because, well, it started when I was in 3^rd grade of elementary school. I moved out from Balikpapan to Jakarta, all alone, I struggled and I cried like a baby almost everyday because I think it's very hard for an 8 years old kid to be all alone in a new school with no one to befriend with. And then in 10^th grade, wow, high school year, big deal, I was alone..again..there were 4 other kids from my junior high school but I knew exactly nothing about them.. so I felt like a loner, and I had to fight and struggle again, with all the courage and determination I tried to look for a friend (Lucky me, I didn't just find an ordinary friends, I found an extraordinary bestfriends and also a family :<)).
Later on, 12^th grade, I was an exchange student, and yep, I was destined to be a "single fighter" again. I got placed in Utah, and none of my fellow Nacel-ers got placed in the same state.
I've been fighting for my life, I've been fighting to adapt well in the whole new environment. Fighter fight in a battle, in a battle you can't directly win and conquer the glory. You have to fight first, you have to get your body parts swollen, you have to burst out some tears, you have to be down for a moment, but then..in the end, you have to rise up and conquer your glory.

Adaptation is something that's not new in my dictionary, I've been doing it for almost 17 years of life. However even though I'm used to that 'adaptation' thingies, it does sucks for the first phase, that whole "Mad World" things you have to go through, it sucks to leave your comfort zone and build another one in other place.
I cant help but feel scared. I'm scared of not having a friend who will share same thoughts or even same taste of music, I'm scared of the new foods and culture, I'm scared I'm not welcomed in the new area, I'm scared I've take the wrong direction and my life could've been happier if I don't take this direction.
I'm scared of being faraway from my friends, I'm scared they wont miss me, because they're all in the same place, and I'm the single fighter, I'm alone. I'm scared when they're already happy with their new phase, I'm still miserable.
Being a single fighter is a goddamn nightmare.But, in the other hand, I'm proud of myself. I'm proud because I always chosen the road less traveled by people. And I know, I know it'll make a differences, and differences is like the cure of everyday's boredom, differences is fascinating, and I love to be fascinated. I'm proud because I'm brave enough to be a single fighter.
AND ONCE AGAIN, I TAKE THE ROAD LESS TRAVELED.
PS : Road less traveled or Road not taken is a poem by my favorite poet, Robert Frost. I'm hooked to it ever since I read it in 2006. It's the most inspirational poem I've ever read and it'll always be like that.
TWO roads diverged in a yellow wood, And sorry I could not travel both And be one traveler, long I stood And looked down one as far as I could To where it bent in the undergrowth.Then took the other, as just as fair, And having perhaps the better claim, Because it was grassy and wanted wear; Though as for that the passing there Had worn them really about the same,And both that morning equally lay In leaves no step had trodden black. Oh, I kept the first for another day! Yet knowing how way leads on to way, I doubted if I should ever come back.I shall be telling this with a sigh Somewhere ages and ages hence: Two roads diverged in a wood, and I— I took the one less traveled by, And that has made all the difference. – Robert Frost.

Kafein, buku, dan analogi yang ga nyambung.

2010-04-25T09:39:00.001-07:00

Kafein, ialah senyawa alkaloid xantina berbentuk kristal dan berasa pahit yang bekerja sebagai obat perangsang psikoaktif dan diuretik ringan.Salah satu dampak dari kafein adalah meningkatnya aktivitas otak dan mengakibatkan hormon epinefrin terlepas. Hormon tersebut akan menaikkan detak jantung.
Gue adalah seorang pecandu kafein.Gue mengkonsumsi kopi dengan jumlah banyak, bisa lebih dari 3 bungkus sehari, selain itu, dulu gue juga pecandu soft drinks yang notabene nya mengandung paling ngga 25 mg kafein.Efek kafein buat gue itu bukan cuma penahan kantuk, tapi juga tambahan energi, kalo lagi suntuk, gue minum kopi, langsung deh seger dan ga suntuk lagi. Tapi, akibatnya adalah tubuh gue jadi kebal sama kafein jadi kalo gue ga mengkonsumsi kafein dalam jumlah yang biasa gue konsumsi, gue langsung pusing, terus ya ujung ujungnya insomnia.
Selain pecandu kafein, gue juga pecandu buku bagus.
Buku bagus dan kafein berpengaruh sejajar sama gue. Buku bagus merangsang entah hormon apa yang mengakibatkan detak jantung gue berdebar lebih kencang dan efek lebih lanjutnya pun sama, gue insomnia karena gue kepikiran betapa bagusnya buku tersebut. Bedanya kafein dengan buku adalah di after taste dan aspek psikologi setelahnya, after taste kafein ya, ya gak ada, udah gitu aja, tapi kalo buku bagus, itu ngebekas, tertanam di fikiran, quotes quotesnya, pelajaran pelajaran yang diambil dari buku tersebut. Buku bagus banyak tapi buku bagus yang menghanyutkan itu sedikit, cuma ada segelintir buku yang bisa mengubah mind set gue, dari sekian banyak buku yg sudah gue baca.
Gue baca buku, mulai dari Hamlet dan Julius Caesar nya Hamlet sampe Harry Potter nya J.K. Rowling. Harry Potter itu buku bagus, tapi tidak mengubah mind set gue, setelah gue baca Harry Potter ya gue terhibur cuma gue ga langsung "mikir" apa ya pesan dibalik buku ini? Kenapa begitu? Karena Harry Potter itu kisah fiksi, gamungkin juga tiba tiba gue dapet surat di kotak pos rumah gue kan. 1984 dan Animal Farm nya George Orwell itu juga buku bagus, setengah fakta, karena memang ada Negara totalitarian seperti yg diceritakan Orwell, tapi buku itu ga membuat gue berfikir lebih lanjut, karena apa? Gue ga bisa relate to the story. Gue cm bisa terhanyut dengan horror yg dibawa Orwell. Lalu ada buku bagus macam Catcher in the Rye, ditulis oleh Almarhum J.D. Salinger, buku ini salah satu buku yg dianjurkan dibaca oleh murid2 SMA di Amerika.Pas lo baca, lo bakal mikir "what the hell dude, it's just a story about a labile kid wandering around NYC and commenting on every single thing he sees" , tapi buku ini filosofi nya sangat mendalam..inilah buku yang gue maksud bikin lo mikir, bikin lo pengen nge Google dan pengen tau apa anggepan orang orang tentang ni buku, buku ini controversial karena pembunuhnya Sir Lennon memutuskan untuk membunuh Sir Lennon setelah baca buku ini. After taste Catcher in the Rye buat gue? Hahah. Gue jadi berusaha untuk gak munafik, gue pengen ketika gue step into kedewasaan, gue tetap sama innocent dan tidak fake nya seperti ketika gue masih anak anak polos. Terus ada deretan buku dari Mitch Albom, asu, gue nangis molo kalo baca bukunya dia, bukunya Albom tuh bukan fun-type reading tp anjirr ngena lah pokoknya. Recommended sekali loh For One More Day, gue nangis tersedu sedu baca itu (karena waktu itu lg jauh sih sm Hexe a.k.a. my mom).
Pusing ya baca tulisan panjang gue? Haha. Sori. Inti dari semua ngemeng2 gue ini adalah : Gue baru saja membaca buku luar biasa karangan penulis Indonesia, Donny Dhirgantoro, berjudul 5 cm. Selama ini kan gue menutup diri dari buku karangan penulis Indonesia (kecuali sastra lamanya). Tapi kan gue mau jadi penulis Indonesia yg bs menghasilkan karya bagus yang bikin orang mikir.Masa gue menutup diri dari buku2 Indonesia? Jadi di sore yg random, sama random nya kayak pas gue beli buku nya Cassandra Niki, gue pergi ke Gramedia, gue liat liat buku Indonesia, terus gue ya pengen aja ngambil 5 cm ini..terus gue pegang molo, tp belom niat beli krn gue lg pengen beli buku traveling..trs gue dpt bbm dari Dei dia blg iya baca 5 cm, novel Indonesia terbagus yg dia pernah baca.
Jadilah ini gue yang menghabiskan 3 jam membaca 5 cm. , terus gue doh sori bgt neh bahasanya norak, tp gue terhanyut, terharu. Seneng bgt bisa baca buku bagus setelah sekian lama. Well done Mas Donny Dhirgantoro.
My next post akan ngomongin 5 cm. detil nya dan kenapa gue jatuh cinta sama bukunya. (Y)

Half review; Half curhatan. Letters, Stories, & Dreams by Cassandra Niki

2010-04-24T19:05:00.000-07:00

I recently just bought and read Cassandra Niki’s book: Letters, Stories & Dreams.Even though I absolutely love to read, I barely read any Indonesian novel (I think I mentioned it before). I don’t mean to be cocky or anything, it’s just everytime I read Indonesian novel, I cant help but feel envious (I mentioned this before too).Why? well because I freakin love to write and I want to publish my own novel too, but I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to publish my own novel.

Btw. Jadi Cassandra Niki or well known as Casseybunn ini adalah seorang inspirational writer, photographer, dan plus dia adalah mahasiswi UGM.(In conclusion, she’s everything I want to be). Gue mulai tau dia sebenernya baru tahun lalu, dari temen gue Erika a.k.a Ujang. Sejak pertama kali liat hasil fotografinya, I’m instantly amazed and fell in love. Later on, Ujang kasitau kalo dia blogger juga. Well honestly, I never read her blog before because as I mentioned before, I get jealous by successful blogger and writer such as Raditya Dika or her.

Tahun 2010 I heard that Casseybunn merilis novelnya. I’m dead curious. Tapi mau dikata apa? I was dead busy from January to April. I spent that 4 months for studying, praying, dreaming, and worrying (just like most 12th grader did).Well God is full of mercy and He surely is the most merciful of all. I’m officialy free, starting April 17th. Lalu gue yang pengangguran ini bingung harus apa, well gue memutuskan untuk menjadi good reader once again, because good reader makes a good writer(dan gue tidak akan berhenti berusaha menjadi good writer). Dan sore hari yg random, I abruptly decided to bought Cassey’s book. (meskipun tau setelahnya gue akan meletup2 kesenangan dan iri, both at the same time)

I’m totally right. Gue beli itu buku sore ini. Menghabiskan 3 jam membacanya dan the after taste : meletup2 kesenangan plus iri. I CAN RELATE SO MUCH TO HER BOOK. Masa-masa SMA nya(stress ujian, bingung pilih jurusan), her way in writing letter ( I write, well not letter, tp gue nulis ketika gue gatau mau kata apa lagi), her dreams (we have different dreams, dia mau jd filmmaker, I simply want to be a rich-traveler, I know it’s not a profession tp itulah mimpi gue, intinya sih we both are dreamer and we wont stop dreamin, keep dreamin while it’s free, rite?), gue bahkan bisa relate ke fakta bahwa she’s an orphan (GOOD MAN, DIE YOUNG :,,) ), just like me. WHAT’S SO GOOD ABOUT THIS BOOK IS : IT’S LIKE #damnright, so real..so ordinary but enthralling. Kayak sebenernya ini cerita biasa tp jadi luar biasa karena inilah kehidupan nyata yang dialami orang orang kebanyakan. ( That’s my favorite kind of book, thats why I’m not into Sci-Fi)

Well, I’m one step closer to reach my dream to publish a book like her, sekarang kan gue mahasiswi UGM juga haha (kalo Cass ga suka Jogja, gue kebalikan, I’m more like Jonas and Niken, gue bermimpi kuliah di Jogja dan I’ll do absolutely everything to make that happen). I REALLY REALLY HOPE I COULD BE AS INSPIRING AS CASSANDRA NIKI, buku ini works much better than motivational books dan motivational quotes yg gue baca setiap hari (to keep my dream and optimism alive). Jadi mungkin, 1,2,3,4,5 tahun lagi I’ll have my own book, who knows?

Thanks Cass, great book, great stories, very motivating and captivating. Hopefully we’ll meet each other by coincidence di Bulaksumur, UGM.(And I would love some signature in my book)

Check out her blog, here.

an additional story to complement the great ending

2010-04-18T17:29:00.000-07:00
the great ending : diterima sebagai mahasiswi UGM.

and here comes the additional story, the story behind this success.
jujur aja gue bilang, berhasil diterima melalui jalur Ujian Tertulis UGM adalah "keberuntungan".
tapi menurut sahabat gue Rivky Rasjid ini adalah: "manifestasi dari kerja keras lo selama ini.pengejewantahan dari semua pengorbanan lo"(I don't even know what pengejewantahan is, nulis dan ngomongnya aja udah ribet)

Well. Kerja keras? Bekerja keraskah gue selama 8 bulan ini? HELL YEAH.Mungkin gak ngoyo banget, tapi bagi gue ini udah kerja super keras dan ngoyo. Gue harus bimbel di Inten tiap hari Senin, Rabu, Jumat (walaupun jarang masuk krn banyak godaan), terus Sabtu Minggu gue privat Matematika sama Pak Bernard (walaupun dia selalu ngabisin makanan gue dan teriak2 di rumah gue). Gue kerja keras dan gue tau itu, gue merasakan bahwa gue sedang diforsir habis habisan. Kenapa? karena gue udah mengorbankan kesenangan gue. Gue udah jarang baca buku, maen PS, nulis blog, jalan2 sendiri foto2 Jakarta. Gue korbankan semua hal yang gue suka demi mencapai satu tujuan : UGM ATAU UI.Tapi gue tetep harus jujur kalo gue jg super duper beruntung. Kenapa? karena banyak orang yang lebih kerja keras daripada gue, lebih ngoyo, dan mungkin lebih mengorbankan banyak hal tapi belom beruntung dan tidak lolos Ujian Tertulis UGM 2010. Jadi ya betul kata orang-orang, perjuangan masuk PTN itu : 30% kerja keras, 30% doa, dan 40% keberuntungan.
Akhir kata. I would like to say zillion billion thanks to these people below.

Cewe-cewe brengsek yang bikin gue waras dan tidak waras dalam waktu bersamaan. Thank you very much for being a stress reliever. I'm very glad to meet you guys. SUKSES YA CALON CALON ANAK UI. Teman seperjuangan. Social kids. You guys are the REASON. When someone come into our life for a reason, it is usually to meet a need we have expressed. They've come to assist you through difficulty, to provide you with guidance and support. They've come to aid you physically, emotionally, or spiritually.They may seem like a GODSEND, and THEY ARE.They're there for a reason you need them to be.Then, without any wrongdoing, the relationship will comes to an end..it means their work has been done and prayer you sent up has been answered and now it's time to move on... Well, you guys are also the SEASON. Because you guys bring me an experience of peace and make me laugh. You guys teach me something I have never done and give me an unbelieveably amount of joy. It's real..but only for a season..and a season will comes to an end.
Walaupun sebentar lagi berakir tapi gue gak akan pernah lupa, karena lo semua adalah bukti kasih sayang Allah sama gue. Bukti bahwa Allah selalu punya rencana terbaik buat gue, mau gimanapun juga. Gue pikir rencana terbaik adalah lulus SNMPTN 2009, gue yakin itu tapi ternyata menurut Allah rencana terbaik adalah ketemu lo semua..dan gue sadar. ternyata emang bener..kalo gue lulus mana ketemu sama orang2 ini?

DAN TENTU SAJA TERIMAKASIH IPS 2009 DAN CEWE CEWE KESAYANGANKU YANG SELALU MEYAKINKAN BAHWA GUE PASTI BISA MELEWATI DAN SURVIVE INI.

TERIMAKASIH ABANG ZD KU KARENA SELALU PENGERTIAN SETIAP SAAT. <3

TERIMAKASIH BANI HASYIM KARENA KEKUATAN DOA KALIAN SUPER DAHSYAT.

Dan tentu saja SYUKRON 100X ALLAH SWT , Aku tidak pernah memutuskan harapanku kepada Mu dan bener aja loh Kau memberiku yang terbaik.

WELL.

FIN.
THE NEW CHAPTER WILL BEGIN...SOON...

PS: blog akan mulai hidup lagi. karena keinginan dan kemampuan menulis muncul kalo saya lagi di rantau. hehehe. Apalagi sepertinya di Jogja banyak inspirasi.

ALHAMDULILLAH

2010-04-16T19:36:00.000-07:00
do you guys remember that a year ago I said that I'm gonna be admitted as a student in Gadjah Mada University?

WELL, ALHAMDULILLAH I AM.

IT'S OFFICIAL : UNIVERSITAS GADJAH MADA, HUBUNGAN INTERNASIONAL, 2010.

Plastic jungle

2010-03-03T15:54:00.000-08:00

"Now I see just what you mean, it hurts too much to breath, all alone in this plastic jungle, Sometimes I wanna get slain, I wanna get slain" - Plastic Jungle by Miike Snow.

Go and try put your head on a closed plastic bag and see what happen, yes, you're suffocating and it's hard to breath, you're lacking an oxygen to help you breath.

I quoted a song from my current favorite band, Miike Snow, they said : I see just what you mean, it hurts too much to breath, all alone in this plastic jungle. Yep, I see just what my class of 2009 friends mean, it is getting harder to breath everyday, not literally but more like metaphorically.Each day taking me closer to UTUL UGM, SIMAK UI, UM UNDIP, UNAIR, whatever whatever, each day taking me closer to a final test, a final test of what I've been learning this past 7 months.

Anyway, these strangled, asphyxiated feeling it's not just because of the amount of things I have to learn (which resulting in the lack of time to indulge myself with video games and books and good movies), but also because the amount of money my mom has to spend for it. I already spent almost one million just for the registration, I know my mom wont mind to spend the money because it's for her youngest daughter's sake, but DUDE I DO MIND! I CAN USE THAT MONEY TO BUY A HELLUVA LOT OF FOODS AND BOOKS. I really don't understand how the education thingies work nowadays.
When I went to the ATM and paid for these registration, a thought crossed my mind: how about those genius kids who lived under a banana leaf roof, whose parents only make 500 ribu rupiah/month. How are they gonna afford this thing?
And that thought saddened me, and kinda like a bitch slap in my face : I should be really really thankful. I might not have my both parents to support my education, but at least my single mom could and would pay for the best education for me, and therefore I should study my ass off to be the best, so I could make a hell lot of money and then buy luxurious stuff for my mom and take her on vacation.

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Another thing that strangled me to death is my daily scedhule for now. I have a week packed with courses, I have an intensive course at Inten on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday + private Economics course on Tuesday and Thursday + private Mathematics course on Saturday and Wednesday. Not to mention that I still have to go to school from Monday and Friday, from 6.30 to 15.00. Life's a cruel bitch lately. I'm restless but taking a rest makes me feel guilty, I can put a baby koala in the circle under my eyes.

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Last year, during this time, I was writing about motivational things for my friends, right now, I'm the one who needs to be motivated. I haven't lose faith in myself yet, but who knows if I fail one of the upcoming test that I'll take (UGM, UNDIP, or UI), I'll be depressed as hell because I HAVE DECIDED TO REPEAT MY FETCHIN SENIOR YEAR IN ORDER TO BE SUCCESFUL AND BE MORE PREPARED FOR ALL THESE THINGIES, I DONT KNOW WHAT WILL I DO IF I FAIL, I SIMPLY HAVE NO MORE YEAR TO FAIL, MY TIME HAS COME TO AN END, I HAVE TO BE ACCEPTED IN UI OR UGM. SO WISH ME A LOT LOT LOT LOT OF LUCK.

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I know my blog aren't exciting anymore since I came back to Jakarta, well guess what? I miss the excitement of a new things too, BOREDOM KILLS.

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GET HERE OR DIE TRYIN'

when you feel like..

2010-02-23T08:18:00.000-08:00
Sleeping and say the dead sentence: there's still tomorrow, I'll just study later.
Remind yourself, its only 50 days away. Push yourself, you'll have a lot of free time after all of this end.
I'm unbearably tired. Physically and mentally. And I haven't even push myself that hard. I've been procrastinating as usul. But I'm still feel tired.
Everytime I try to take a break and rest for a bit, I feel guilty. I feel like wasting a very worthy time. I supposedly study until I puke by now.
In order to be succesful, I might need to risk my sanity.

These are a rambling words from a sleepless high school kid. She's currently frustrated by her lack of knowledges in Math and Economics.
Blah.